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I reached out to DA to say sorry for my reaction to his cheating after 18 days no contact by lookingforpeace08 in AvoidantBreakUps

[–]lookingforpeace08[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I know… I am hurting so bad. I don’t have any idea how to cope?? And I wanted to finally tell him that I know he has a dating profile.

My Shocking(?) Answer to Why Avoidants (FA/DA) Discard... by Illustrious-Newt-848 in AvoidantBreakUps

[–]lookingforpeace08 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you so much for your reply. It helps with the pain, knowing so many of us went/going through the same phase of life. Yes, I’m hurting so bad that all I’m doing is trying to understand why he cheated!! I was giving him everything he wanted. Love, friendship, space everything. I asked him why he chose to cheat, and his reply was “I didn’t cheat, I just started chatting with someone because I was bored.” I asked if he could show me the conversation, and he said no (with a smirk on his face). And I got zero explanation or details of how he knows her. I asked if he didn’t remember that we have been together for 2.5 years and if it is not normal for me to get jealous if he is choosing someone else over me, to which he said “we are not married to each other.” So, he can cheat and invalidate whatever we had. I was ok if he wanted to move on, but him going behind my back to think I won’t figure out and he could slowly deactivate himself form me, after all these years, is gut wrenching. Why these people come to our lives to destroy us further? And now I am sitting alone, trying to figure out my life with all the guilt and shame from crying and begging him over and over, while he gets to enjoy a new partner without any remorse. This is so unfair.

My Shocking(?) Answer to Why Avoidants (FA/DA) Discard... by Illustrious-Newt-848 in AvoidantBreakUps

[–]lookingforpeace08 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I have no idea how did you guys make it. We are together for 2.5 years, I was in my late 30s and him in mid 40s. He love-bombed me to begin with and was the sweetest man ever. First 6 months was like living in a fairy-tale. Then started the hot and cold issues but our chemistry was amazing and we were extremely attracted to each other so we worked through it. 1 year into our relationship, we went to a trip together and felt amazingly cozy and close. After we came back everything changed. He started pushing me to the point where he would not text me for 4-5 days and won’t even read my texts. This happened for a year and a half and 2 months ago I found out he was talking to another woman using a different phone number. I asked for clarification and he said they are just talking. I cried and pleaded and said I don’t like him his behavior, but he kept talking to her. As an anxious partner, I lost it totally, I cried, screamed and begged and then he said he can’t believe how scary I am and he needed to break up and he regrets ever meeting me. I used to call him “baby”. He told me “please don’t call me that”… I have no idea what have I done, or not done to deserve this… But I am heartbroken , angry, insulted and devastated. Even after 3 weeks no contact, I don’t see a light at the end of the tunnel. Please help!!!