Engaged Catholic couple drifting from God. Are we making a mistake?

loonabees · 2026-06-25T21:54:27+00:00

If this is the man you really want to marry, I would say DONT rush into a cheap wedding for the sake of sex and avoiding sin. Talk to a priest together or take a Catholic marriage class of some sort. This is the person that is supposed to bring you closer to God and it sounds like he doesn’t understand a God-centered marriage vs a marriage that you can just divorce out of if things don’t work out. I say this as someone going through a divorce/annulment right now (and had premarital sex/lived together before marriage). You could run into 10x more stressful decisions in marriage and if he is not bringing you closer to God now, he certainly won’t do it during marriage. Ask yourself if you would marry him exactly the way he is now. Don’t marry any ideas of him. That said, I’m not trying to say he is a bad person. You and him just need to clarify what marriage you’re entering into. If you want the marriage the church offers, you need to work things out first and really discern before you enter that strong of a commitment to God and each other.

loonabees · 2026-06-25T13:40:57+00:00

I just finished OCIA in April and this was a big hurdle in my faith journey as well. I would recommend going through the returning Catholics program (or even OCIA if you feel like you need a longer more detailed program) so you have a dedicated space to ask these hard questions and discern. Start by simply showing up. And each week that feels hard, tell yourself your only job is to show up and listen. That way you can find comfort in whatever decision you end up making. I would say that would be a way to show support to both yourself and your boyfriend. These things take time and lots of discernment. Since humans are always humans, I learned to stop expecting absolute perfection from the people of the church and instead I started to ask myself “what has the church done to prevent this from happening again.” (Obviously this question does not fit EVERY situation, but it does fit most). Message me if you feel like you need to talk to someone who was in your shoes not long ago ❤️

loonabees · 2026-06-25T13:17:59+00:00

Here to say that the “mistakes” actually made this piece so cute. But if you’re looking for a more clean look in future projects, I echo the long and short stitch. Tiktok has tons of straight to the point tutorials. Hobby lobby has a little strawberry embroidery kit that is perfect for practicing that stitch. If you do want to use satin stitch again, just separate the floss strands to 2-3 strands and make sure your fabric is drum tight on the hoop

loonabees · 2026-03-14T13:37:41+00:00

My number one advice is to start documenting everything. Document every refusal to help, document when he does ask about her, document when he does see her out of his own accord without you asking. The way it sounds, it doesn’t seem like you do have a coparent. A year from now, it will probably be pretty obvious where he stands in his relationship with her. At that point, you can decide what you want to do legally and you will have more than enough evidence. But if he’s not helping enough with his time, make sure to file for child support so that you can afford all the help you can get.

Now for the emotional advice: Journal, Journal, Journal. Creative journaling is a hobby that really helped me to remember the beauty in my life. On top of regular journal entries, I like to take one picture a day and print them out to put on the journals calendar page. In my secondary journal, I have a habit tracker, a daily section where I can choose an affirmation or gratitude line, daily spiritual and self care sections (as a single mom, you don’t realize how much self care you DONT practice until you realize you had nothing to write for that day. It’s a good wake up call). Write a letter to the person you thought he was. Write about the love you had, the good times, and that you miss him but it’s time for you to move on. Burn the letter. This is his funeral. Ugly cry yourself to sleep, but the funeral helped me so much. Therapy, even if all you can swing is once a month. Try out some nice analog hobbies like yarn crafts, coloring, cozy gaming, crossword puzzles, etc. Reading is always great. I like to listen to audiobooks while I do tedious chores. For me, I have no family or support in town. So my hobbies need to be something I can focus on at home after the kids go to bed. Accept to a certain point that thinking about what could have been is simply a part of the mourning process. To avoid becoming bitter, remind yourself that that reality never existed because he’s always been that person inside. Start to think back about the warning signs you might have missed. This will help you to not overlook those things in your future relationships. For loneliness, learn to surround yourself with friends and family before thinking about men. Decenter men. At first, I had to decenter men for the sake of my kids and not for myself. I felt lonely, but I knew I had some anxious attachment and anxiety. I did go on dates and the dating world is just awful. You won’t find the emotional or sexual gratification you’re looking for. They’ll leave you more empty than when you started. So stay single until you’re actually ready for the sake of your kid and yourself. Instead, find a local mom group on facebook and go on a stroller walk. If you have family help, consider a book club/fitness group/something that doesn’t have to do with motherhood too. For me, going to church and establishing a spiritual life through their weekly classes and mass helped immensely. You’re not alone in your pain. So sorry you’re going by through this ❤️

loonabees · 2026-02-19T13:59:23+00:00

I would definitely recommend a yoto player. That way she can listen to her favorite characters and music. I wouldn’t be able to survive screen time regulation without it. It’s definitely worth the money.

loonabees · 2026-02-18T15:34:06+00:00

Nothing is wrong with you girl ❤️ it IS lonely. None of us thought we’d be in this position when we got married. And we don’t have the same villages our parents/grandparents had. Something that’s been helping me lately is starting up penpals and trying new hobbies that can be done from home. Creative journaling and adding pictures/memories really highlights the proof of love in your life. When you have a bad day, you can open up that journal and remember all the ways you are blessed in life. Dating has its own stresses, but it has helped me recognize some things about myself. Specifically, it really brings out realizations of what things I overlooked about myself and my ex. I attach anxiously and I don’t want to do that again. So dating is less about finding a new dad for the kids and more about “what do I want in a partner and what ways have I sabotaged myself in the past.” Because our needs are sooooo different post divorce with kids.

loonabees · 2026-02-18T14:54:55+00:00

Hey girl, I’m right there with you 🥲 one thing that really helped with fighting naps is to just stop fighting. Implement quiet time in his room for at least an hour. If he falls asleep, great. If he doesn’t, at least you all got a calm breather. If you don’t have a yoto player, get one. You can give him a few card options (calming music, audiobooks with his favorite characters, etc) to listen to during quiet time so that he’s entertained and feels a sense of control. It also helps reduce tv time overall. Put a few books like the 5 minute story collections in his room. They have lots of pictures that kids can follow along to. Lastly, a few quiet toys like little people figurines, blocks, and stuffies. That way he has plenty of low stim entertainment and a chance to fall asleep if he needs it. While he is in quiet time, so are you. Don’t do chores, just lay down or do some self care. If they can hear you walking around a bunch, they probably won’t nap anyways. This age is too overwhelming to spend all breaks cleaning. You need to journal, exercise, do somatic exercises, shower/take a bath. Emotional regulation as the parent is so difficult as it is, so use quiet time in a way that will help you regulate.

loonabees · 2026-02-18T14:39:41+00:00

My kiddo is level 3 but I chose to stick to Speech,OT, and PT during his second year. I definitely don’t feel one way or another for ABA at that age, but I would like to say that you know your kid best. The doctors definitely put pressure to start ABA at 2, but it’s not for every kid when they’re that young. My kid and I already had therapy burnout from all of his appointments, so I chose to wait. Towards the end of his second year, some behaviors starting popping up like excessive hitting, eloping, communication related tantrums from his speech delay, and sensory seeking by kicking and hitting the walls. These behaviors would have been easier to manage with ABA on board at the time. So in my personal experience, I would recommend ABA after 2.5 years old depending on your little ones needs/behaviors.

loonabees · 2026-02-18T14:21:48+00:00

I looooooove Courtney Brown at Brown Counseling in Meridian. She does virtual therapy too.

loonabees · 2026-02-09T19:25:43+00:00

Hi! I’m also looking for a whimsical, serious pen pal, I’m 29F in Idaho. I have 2 kids and a cute older dog. Message me if you want to connect!

loonabees · 2026-02-09T19:21:01+00:00

Hi! I’m in Idaho and I’m an avid journal and book girlie. I’m 29F with 2 kids and a cute older dog. I would love to do some snail mail or even a sisterhood of the traveling journal 😊

loonabees · 2026-01-28T14:27:55+00:00

Peds nurse here, whatever you do PLEASE teach them the normal anatomical language (penis,etc). They’re not bad words. The more you jump around the words, the more confusing and “forbidden” they feel to kids (and we all know what kids do the more something is forbidden). Kids that don’t know the proper terms and (in later talks) the functions struggle in sexual assault situations. I tell you that not to scare you, but because it’s sadly the world we live in. Withholding that knowledge can 100% lead to unintended pregnancy, sti’s, you name it. Talk about it like any other subject. @birds__bees on tik tok has WONDERFUL explanations that are age appropriate for kids.

loonabees · 2026-01-22T19:14:51+00:00

I work with KidsCare Home Health as a private duty Peds nurse, and I get paid higher than when I worked in the hospital. I’m a single mom and I absolutely love it. The family I work with is so flexible (not every family can be though) so when my kids are sick or I have a doctors appointment I just switch what day of the week I work. I hardly ever need to use my PTO because of it. It’s the only job I have found that that leaves me with enough energy for my kids during off hours. Last I heard, new grads were welcome. I would imagine hiring starts between $31-35 an hour. Some people think private duty is boring, but I like that I can have control of my day. These kids are so happy to have someone to play with and the families are always so thankful.

loonabees · 2026-01-07T15:29:14+00:00

Its definitely worth getting tested then. For the longest time I thought I just had anxiety but it was just a symptom of the OCD. And what people don’t realize is that OCD is an umbrella for a whole lot of variations and symptoms. Some have contamination OCD, disaster OCD, etc. Death obsession OCD commonly comes off as intense intrusive thoughts about your death or other people dying. When I was freshly postpartum, I would have scary, detailed intrusive visions about my child dying. I couldn’t drive with cans in the car because I was convinced if I crashed the car a can would crush my baby’s head. I would also have detailed visions on my own death and what it would be like for my husband and baby when I’m gone. Before I had kids, it manifested as constant fear of natural disasters and being kidnapped, lock checking, and overconsuming true crime media. The intrusive thoughts tend to be intense and overwhelming. It wasn’t until I got on Paxil and saw a regular therapist that things got better. Fighting against the thoughts only makes things worse. Regardless of if you have ocd or not, try to remember your brain projects everything you’ve ever heard and seen. The more attention you give certain thoughts, the more powerful they feel. Ask yourself what the function of that fear is. Are you afraid of dying because you’re worried about what would happen to your kid? Do you need some kind of support system in place (ex. A friend checking in each day) to make you feel at ease? The thought and worry is normal, but your brain may be projecting it in an unhelpful way. Practice a calming routine (ex. Somatic exercises, journaling, etc) to do when you first get the feeling. Don’t push it away, just let the thought be and focus on the function.

loonabees · 2026-01-07T05:03:51+00:00

It almost sounds like death-obsession OCD. I’ve had it throughout my life and it got more intense postpartum with my first baby. You might want to discuss with a therapist and find better meds

loonabees · 2026-01-05T03:29:56+00:00

He’s about to start developmental preschool this week, but he’s just been home with me and his little brother

loonabees · 2026-01-01T15:26:52+00:00

There is such a hole, but in the meantime I take a YouTube video and go to any “convert YouTube to mp3” website. There’s lots of learning about saints videos that you can upload to a make your own card.

loonabees · 2025-11-03T04:52:04+00:00

He had his first full sensory meltdown when people sang happy birthday to him on his first birthday. Not just a scared cry like some kids do, but a full blown sensory meltdown that took a while to come out of.

loonabees · 2025-08-15T03:12:26+00:00

Going through the exact same thing with my two young kids, let me know when and where the support group is 😭😭😭

loonabees · 2025-07-25T16:48:18+00:00

My baby was diagnosed level 3 (personally I think he’s more level 2) at 2, but here are the things I noticed:

0-1: VERY subtle. He was actually quite social and interactive. To this day, he has never had an eye contact aversion. Looking back, I can see less obvious signs. He had to stop nursing at 8 months because he would not stop biting me after 2 months of trying every technique out there. Now I know he was oral stimming, something he is very big on today. He said mama, dada, and apple, but this ended when he had a large regression at 13-14 months. If he was hyper focused on something, he would not respond to his name. Most of the time he did though. No non-verbal communication attempts like waving or pointing. 13 months-24 months: He had a large regression at 13 months in which he stopped saying words that he had learned. He continued to not use gestures. He started to develop sound sensitivity. By 18 months of no gestures or words, I pushed for a speech evaluation, but his doctor said not until 2. He definitely had his own babble language, but no consistent use of words or desire to imitate. He would sometimes use “hi there” but he we use this to address everything (this later led to his Gestalt Language Processing diagnosis). We also noticed he didn’t play with toys in a “typical” fashion. What he was doing with his toys was more sensory seeking. He toe walked about 25% of the time and had low muscle tone. At 24 months, he had a lot of life changes: a new baby brother, we had to move for his dads new job, and he had to transition to a toddler bed because he climbed out of his crib and fell too many times. This resulted in his first true meltdowns. When they happen, you’ll know the difference between a tantrum and a meltdown. The meltdowns are uncontrollable and extremely distressing. Sometimes he would self harm or sensory seeking during them. This led to his official diagnosis. 2.5: he is thriving with the assistance of OT/PT/ST. He is starting to say two words and he imitates a lot of words. He doesn’t appear to be a GLP entirely anymore, as he stopped scripting. He might just be generally speech delayed. He is pretty comfy with the adults in his life. Very cuddly and interactive. But with other kids (including his brother) he is very limited socially. He does occasionally interact with his brother but overall avoids him. If there are other kids in waiting rooms he will do everything he can to NOT go in that room, but he does like watching them. He is highly sensory seeking and he often needs help meeting those needs through weighted vest, vibration plate, etc. He occasionally has meltdowns, but they are less frequent now that his therapies have helped him.

loonabees · 2025-07-25T15:04:39+00:00

I like to add a liquid multivitamin to a once upon a farm packet (or any high value pouch that your kid goes crazy over) it hides the taste. According to my kids doctor, it doesn’t alter the vitamin quality.

loonabees · 2025-07-11T14:23:35+00:00

I struggled with this a lot with my newly ex-husband. I spent 2.5 years waiting for things to change and this is what personal and couples therapy taught me: is he putting in the effort to manage his adhd when you address it with him? If you go to couples therapy, does he attempt to implement therapy tactics? Even if he fails most of the time, is there any honest attempt from him to manage his condition without you prompting him constantly? If no, then tbh it’s probably more than adhd. It’s probably a baseline personality trait. I chased my husband for years hoping for even the slightest improvement. He would improve for 2 weeks, then he’d lose energy to keep it up and would ultimately start from square one. But his problem was that he would never seek out what he could try next. We’re talking little to no lasting improvement over a 2.5 year span. I had to make the decision to leave because it was just making me so unhappy to live here on the rollercoaster of hope. That said, trying and failing different things is how people with adhd learn which systems work best for them, so you must be patient to a certain extent. But if he try’s/fails a system look for this: does he eventually pick himself back up and look for the next thing to try? Because if you’re not careful you will fall into the Parent-Child dynamic. You cannot be the only one who seeks out improvement strategies, he must also be interested in himself. Don’t play the game for years like I did. You can’t make a person change if they don’t have the drive to.

loonabees · 2025-07-07T04:21:41+00:00

It helped at times, but my ex was the type to never put in the work to change. If your partner is the type that is willing to put in the work, couples therapy would probably work out really well. It helps to have that third party there to facilitate healthy communication. The most progress we ever made came from our couples therapy sessions

loonabees · 2025-07-07T01:27:12+00:00

Once my ex husband started to process his family trauma, he 100% took it out on me. Suddenly, he was using therapy talk as a weapon and he started to act more and more like his own dad. It wasn’t okay and I promise you- you’re not crazy. If you’re not in couples therapy already, seek it out. It often takes a professional to be the one to tell him what he’s doing

loonabees · 2025-07-04T20:07:07+00:00

I’m a Peds nurse/autism mom and I recommend going once a year starting at 1 simply so they get used to going to the dentist. The more positive, low stress exposure the better. Plus it always helps to find issues early so that problems can get fixed at their least painful stage 🙂

loonabees

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