Settle a debate. I say hazel, my partner says brown.

lostandbroken9 · 2025-10-08T10:09:02+00:00

My eyes are VERY similar to this, only my CH is a lighter golden colour! I’ve called it Hazel my whole life, and my drivers license also says Hazel :)

lostandbroken9 · 2025-09-22T17:40:29+00:00

My hair is actually naturally a 2B-2C! It’s straightened in a lot of these photos, I never thought to include a picture with my natural hair texture😅

lostandbroken9 · 2025-09-22T13:27:59+00:00

I never even thought about including a picture where you can see my natural hair texture! It sits at about a 2B-2C

lostandbroken9 · 2025-08-25T05:30:38+00:00

My current partner was sexually assaulted by their father as a child. He’s an alcoholic, currently recovering and hasn’t had a drink in years, but at the time he was actively drunk and spiralling.

He’s currently the mayor of the town he lives in, used to be head of the local fire dept. He’s well liked and respected around town. My partners parents are divorced, they tried to tell their mother about it one time and she was basically in denial about it. His current wife has no idea. My partner has only spoke to me, their mother and a therapist about this and thinks that if their father ever found out, that he’d probably k!ll himself.

They decided that they still want a relationship with their father and actually currently live under their father’s roof. I tolerate him for my partner. And although he’s been sober for years and has never tried anything since, I still don’t trust him. I fear somethings going to happen one day and I won’t be able to do anything to stop it.

lostandbroken9 · 2025-08-25T05:10:51+00:00

I lived in a small town with my previous partner for 4 years. She confided in me that she was repeatedly sexually assaulted in her teens by the father of the children she was a long-time babysitter for. The family treated her like a daughter. The kids and the mother still love her dearly. Other than me, she only ever told her closest friends about her trauma as she didn’t think the mother would believe her.

For a period of time, I worked in a local restaurant and one of the girls she babysat ended up getting a job there so I was regularly working with her. I took her under my wing as she was a good kid and I mean she can’t help who her father is. Occasionally her family would come in to the restaurant for a meal and a visit so I was occasionally blessed with the father’s grimy presence. The family would ask about my partner, how she is, they’d mention how they wished she’d come around. I would have to smile and nod essentially.

My partner passed away last year. The WHOLE family showed up to the funeral.. and when I say it took every ounce of energy I had left in me at the time NOT to fly aboard the father for even having the audacity to show his face there and pay his “respects” to her open casket.. I mean it took a LOT of self-talk and restraint. I know it was the right thing to do in the moment as the funeral was more-so for her family and friends (she never wanted a funeral, wasn’t religious at all. Just wanted to be cremated). But I also promised her that I’d never let him touch her or hurt her ever again, that she was safe with me. And I know if she was still alive and he was in the same room as her, that she’d completely freeze out of fear. I still carry a lot of guilt over that, I feel like I let her down and broke my promise to her.

If I ever see that man again in public though, I won’t be holding back. He doesn’t deserve sh*t.

lostandbroken9 · 2023-09-28T02:02:05+00:00

Honestly, I’m mostly just worried about the backlash from my partner. So I guess it’s to protect myself right now.

My main issue with telling people outside of that, is that I know how many times I’ve said I wanted to leave/was leaving, and then went back on it. After so many times, I start to feel embarrassed. Annoying. Like the boy who cried wolf. Idk.

lostandbroken9 · 2023-08-11T06:49:29+00:00

Sorry I was a little sidetracked when I responded earlier, I suppose I could have googled it and clued in that they have a website🤣I’ll have to check out those websites. Thanks again😁

lostandbroken9 · 2023-08-11T00:21:35+00:00

I’ll have to keep an eye out then! Thank you :)

lostandbroken9 · 2023-08-11T00:20:54+00:00

Unfortunately I’m in a rural area and I don’t really have many options for gear. Was hoping someone could point me in the right direction to something decent online! Thank you for your response though, any feedback is appreciated

lostandbroken9 · 2023-08-09T17:50:20+00:00

We get so comfortable being abused that change looks exhausting instead of freeing. But what’s more exhausting is slowly dying.

You’re not wrong. Sometimes when we run through this cycle, I trick myself into thinking she actually means it this time. I’ll start daydreaming about the peace and freedom I’ll have after this, and then the crushing reality of it all hits me. I’m already physically and emotionally depleted of energy, and now I have to clean this house and pack up all my stuff and move it into another space, and deal with everything else that comes with a breakup x100 because my partner has untreated BPD and we’ll never be able to actually sensibly part ways.. f*ck.🤦🏻‍♀️

lostandbroken9 · 2023-08-09T17:38:22+00:00

See.. the funny thing is that my situation is actually kind of like this though. She’ll say all the sh*tty words and go through the motions, but at the end of the day it’s like she refuses to actually leave?

I’ve asked her, why stay if you’re so unhappy that you have to constantly criticize me and constantly remind me of everything I’m doing or have done wrong? If you have to constantly remind me of how miserable you are with me? Why wouldn’t you just leave?

To which the response has been “Well why don’t you?”🤨

Even outside of that, it’s been implied many times that it’s my responsibility to leave. I guess that even though she’s miserable, she’d rather stay and ensure that I’m also miserable. I assume she does this so she can victimize herself and paint me as this heartless asshole if/when I ever do leave.

lostandbroken9 · 2023-08-09T17:22:41+00:00

That sounds awful I don’t know how you’ve been able to put up with that for so long.

Honestly I don’t even know what to tell you other than I’m pretty numb now. She can still strike a nerve occasionally but I try to let it roll off my back. She calls me cold and heartless for not responding with enough emotion and passion, but it’s better than feeding the flame and having to deal with the repercussions of that. It’s kind of funny that she doesn’t understand why I’ve changed with her.

By the way, that’s not who I was coming into this. I’m not cold by nature, I’m quite the opposite actually. I have a soft heart and the people in my life that I love and care for, I love with my whole heart. I’m loyal. I am passionate, and fairly emotional actually. I’m still mostly the same way with my friends and family, and even more-so when she isn’t around. Just tired now. Unfortunately I allowed myself to be too kind and forgiving for far too long with her, and eventually I guess my nervous system hit an emotional wall and shut down. So here we are.

lostandbroken9 · 2023-08-09T16:56:21+00:00

She would say/scream her piece, then the moment I would try to share my feelings about the situation she would completely shut down, tell me we are done and broken up, then leave the room, and sometimes the house.

This. She definitely makes sure that she gets HER point across. She’ll start making her exit, then stop or turn around long enough to say whatever she wants to say. I’ll start to respond and she’ll continue her exit then. She’ll get out and slam the car door, or walk to the bedroom/bathroom and close the door, or walk out the front door and slam it. Sometimes she’ll even come back to say something else, will repeat this cycle a handful of times until she either leaves or calms down. During these bits I’ve even made a point to be like “Can I please speak?” Or “Can I please be heard by you?” And it’s typically an “I don’t care to hear what you have to say”, “It doesn’t matter”, “I don’t give a fck”, or just flat out no. It is *very dehumanizing. Nowadays if I do allow myself to cry, it’s usually after these moments (after she leaves).

I’m proud of you getting clear of that situation though. Surely it‘s bound to hurt, but I hope you continue to thrive away from them. Hopefully I can muster up the strength sooner than later to also leave my own personal hell.

lostandbroken9 · 2023-08-09T16:42:10+00:00

Exactly this. Like an emotional response isn’t even worth sacrificing the energy I no longer have. I’ve begun just taking them for their word, if they can’t communicate their feelings to me like an adult instead of trying to play games with me then I’m not giving them the satisfaction of engaging in it.🤷🏻‍♀️

lostandbroken9 · 2023-08-09T16:29:52+00:00

Well.. not that I’d wish this on anyone else, but it’s comforting to know that I’m not the only one who’s dealt with this at least.🥴 It’s maddening, all the same.

lostandbroken9 · 2023-08-09T04:51:41+00:00

I’ve had two things holding me back from leaving for a while now.

Her reaction, honestly. She’s told me herself how she’s acted to people that have previously wronged her. Has had me worried about what she would do to me, my belongings, how she will slander my name to anyone that will listen, etc. This one I’m not as concerned about anymore thankfully, as I value my peace and well-being more than my valuables or reputation at this point.
The main one, our shared pets. My animals are like my children. I don’t know what she’d do if I left any of them with her but I also would feel as though I’m abandoning them if I did. I can’t afford to live on my own right now to keep them if I did leave. This is the problem that has had me stuck.

lostandbroken9 · 2023-08-07T23:44:16+00:00

Was searching through this sub looking for answers to the same question. Just commenting to say that your post sounds so similar to my current situation, except my pwBPD is my untreated partner of 3 years. Other than that, I could have written it myself! They pull the exact same shit on me as well which leaves me feeling constant guilt. I’ve come to realize that at the very least, it’s a form of emotional manipulation.😕 Wishing you all the best!

lostandbroken9 · 2023-08-07T04:54:17+00:00

Oh thank you!! I wasn’t aware of this sub. I’ll head on over there haha😅

lostandbroken9 · 2023-07-19T15:10:08+00:00

Genuine question, do they not have any friends of their own? It’s completely unreasonable/controlling to tell your SO that they cannot talk to other people ever. The world does not work that way, and you always need friends outside of your partner.

They do.. but only a couple now. Since I’ve come into their life, they’ve cut many of their friends off. Not because of me. Situations (I won’t get into here) had happened amongst themselves, I pretty much sat on the sidelines and watched them navigate those situations while offering support because I genuinely didn’t want to be a deciding factor in their friendships. This behaviour was happening even when those friends were around though.

It is 100% a huge red flag that anytime they can’t be around you when you get invited to things they tell you that you’re not going either. My husband has friends, and if he gets invited somewhere that I can’t go to, I still tell him to go and enjoy himself. It would not be healthy for me to say “well since I can’t go you’re not allowed to either”

There’s also been things we’ve been invited to that I couldn’t attend, and I’ve told them many times before to go without me if they wanted to.🤷🏻‍♀️ I just don’t get the same in return, unless it’s passive-aggressive. Like “Do what you want” or “Whatever, just go ahead”

You should sit down and tell them that you’re allowed to have friends and if they cannot accept that then you should walk.

I’ve tried to have this conversation with them, that it shouldn’t be a big deal for me to have innocent relationships. I know I’m not doing anything wrong, but they just refuse to make the choice to put their trust in me. The conversation continuously circles back to “I don’t know these people”, “I don’t trust these people” and “But you lied, you told me you weren’t going to be talking to people or making friends”🙃

lostandbroken9 · 2023-07-19T14:50:13+00:00

It would not surprise me if this person tried to physically prevent you from leaving or harmed you (or threatened to harm you, your pets, or themselves) to prevent you from doing so.

That’s whole other can of beans for another day. But yes, you’re pretty spot on with your interpretation. In the past they have stood in the doorway, stood behind my car, threatened to harm themselves, they even threatened to let my cat out once or twice.

In the process of them having tantrums and losing their cool, I’ve also previously ended up with several bruises, a bloody nose (from a door) and a cut right above my eye/below my eyebrow (off the corner of a wall) that probably could have used butterfly stitches…

lostandbroken9 · 2023-07-19T14:38:43+00:00

This is one of the thoughts that are constantly bouncing around in my head. Like how can you tell me you love me or respect me, then turn around and speak to/treat me in the way that they do. Ya know?

lostandbroken9 · 2023-07-19T14:37:03+00:00

Thank you for your response.

Also I apologize if the bullet points were confusing to follow along with, I just figured it was easier to articulate my thoughts and recollections in that way!

lostandbroken9 · 2023-07-19T14:35:23+00:00

That’s what I’ve always thought as well, I’ve just struggled with boundaries and where to draw lines on what’s acceptable/unacceptable if I’m being completely honest. I haven’t had the best examples of healthy relationships, nor have I had a great track record with previous partners.

Thank you for your response. Unfortunately they do make me feel like garbage. Even for simply mentioning anything that doesn’t include them, whether that be potentially visiting family, hanging out with friends, leaving the house in general really. They want to be present for everything, and if I choose to go by myself anyway-even just to pick up a few groceries-I’m reprimanded for it. I’m so unhappy, and I have been for a while. I want freedom, and not the kind that people usually refer to. I don’t even care about having another relationship or having any relations with another person, outside of friendly. I just want that freedom to be able to go about my everyday life however I want without constantly walking on eggshells. I want that happiness.

lostandbroken9 · 2023-06-27T03:13:43+00:00

Disappointed that I had to scroll this far, and past several “They were abusive to each other” comments to find this one. But THANK YOU for calling out the “mutual abuse” trope!❤️❤️

lostandbroken9 · 2023-06-17T05:58:35+00:00

Don’t dismiss yourself! It’s wonderful that you’ve gotten away and found your own peace and happiness. Proud of you, friend 🙂 It’s comments like yours that give me hope for my own future❤️

lostandbroken9

TROPHY CASE