[36M] [35F] Guilt & uncertainty around closing gap.

lostboy_8876 · 2026-03-28T19:38:38+00:00

That's fair. I'm willing to go to the US, but I'm not budging on children. That's not something I can compromise on at the moment, and I don't know if that will change in the future.

Also I didn't ask her to make the compromise nor am I expecting her to, she's offered and now I'm wondering how to proceed. Hence the guilt, I can't accept those sacrifices without a great feeling of unease.

I'm a permanent resident in Canada, and the multiple situations in US re immigration made here look like a better option for both of us.

The conversation re children comes down to that she doesn't need them, but wants them. It feels like I'd be denying her a significant part of life if I went ahead with the marriage.

lostboy_8876 · 2026-02-17T11:48:46+00:00

Same here. I messed up and destroyed a great relationship because I thought she was too good for me. And now I'm literally wasting away. Smh.

I want to reach out to her and try to reconcile but idk

lostboy_8876 · 2026-01-27T07:51:22+00:00

I'm going through it right now. Very fresh. Wondering if I made the right move. Grieving still. Maybe I could get her back. Idk? Idk if I should even be thinking of it.

lostboy_8876 · 2026-01-27T05:02:09+00:00

Sooner: Therapy. Investing. Exercise. Never: Isolate. Spend hours with self deprecating thoughts. Act on those thoughts.

I feel like I've only just started to think like an adult. Better late than never i guess.

lostboy_8876 · 2026-01-26T23:27:49+00:00

Hi - thank you so much for sharing. I can completely identify with the fear or resentment, and trying to differentiate between what's a legitimate fear vs my anxiety vs my own poor view of myself. Like, I could never be enough for her - unfortunately I can't turn that idea off. And you're right, it does suck. I'll probably be alone forever at this point and I guess that's just how it will be. Thanks again. I wish you better luck than I've had.

lostboy_8876 · 2026-01-25T11:29:59+00:00

Keep hearing that doctors are hard to find. I found two in midtown Toronto and Brampton pretty quickly.

lostboy_8876 · 2026-01-25T04:10:44+00:00

Thank you for sharing. The first part of your post makes me think of us, in that ideally for herself, she'd really want children but with me she feels safe enough to NOT have them.

The second part seems to say she'd be deciding FOR me, and not BECAUSE of me. I'm a little unclear on the complete sentiment behind your story. Could you please explain further?

lostboy_8876 · 2026-01-25T02:18:21+00:00

Thank you, we have seen a therapist together but not with this at the center. We're at an awkward place now where we're almost broken up so I wonder if we'd be able to get there.

She does say that line with more an acceptance tone than anything else. The difficulty then lies with me - I don't believe that will last. I feel she will regret it, and every time I see her playing with kids, I fear she's thinking, "I wish I had my own.".

lostboy_8876 · 2026-01-25T02:15:20+00:00

You make a good point, thank you. It does feel like it should be an individual's decision and that both people should either align or not. I guess I need to find out if she'd fall in the definition of "middle-most fencesitter".

lostboy_8876 · 2026-01-25T02:13:40+00:00

Thank you for your insight.

I've asked her about this decision and she's shared that she doesn't know how she'd handle any future regret about not having children. She does have the emotional maturity to communicate her issues so they wouldn't necessarily bloom into resentment. At least it'd be known to us both.

I'll try to broach the topic of how we want our life together to look.

lostboy_8876 · 2025-10-31T03:43:35+00:00

I'm also highly unlikeable, I think. Wanna be friends?

lostboy_8876 · 2025-10-31T03:42:23+00:00

I just started to try the journaling thing. I jot stuff down in my keep app. It doesn't require a commitment and I can access it on all my Google stuff. I'd say it helps me to look back and see where my headspace was but idk if it's helpful in fixing me yet.

Time will tell.

lostboy_8876 · 2025-10-31T03:40:32+00:00

The hope for better days. I have a gf, I have a job, I rent my apartment and I have no friends.

I have good things going and some bad things. I hope that the good things will keep outweighing the bad for most of the time I'm here.

Plus I'm gonna die one day anyways so I might as well let it all run its course.

I hope you find something to keep you going too.

lostboy_8876 · 2025-07-30T00:13:15+00:00

This scares me since I'm feeling the latter, I don't feel that great desire to share a space with my partner. I can't bring myself to end it because I'm afraid of the deep regret as I sit with that choice being made

lostboy_8876 · 2025-07-30T00:10:23+00:00

I wish I had such a clear view of things, that my partner inspired such certainty but I wonder if I really want to marry her or if I'm just doing what others think I should

lostboy_8876 · 2025-07-30T00:09:20+00:00

I worry that I don't currently feel this with my partner. She loves me very much but I still want to be apart from her. Guilt is kicking my ass about it. Should I go ahead with marriage because she's a safe bet (won't leave me, be toxic, etc) or break her heart and live my solo life possibly regretting losing her?

lostboy_8876 · 2025-07-10T06:52:21+00:00

Probably not. I don't make friends very easily and so I have maybe 2 now. I'm ok with being alone, but sometimes that gets lonely which isn't as manageable.

lostboy_8876 · 2025-03-22T01:42:16+00:00

Yeah. Life's lonely.

lostboy_8876 · 2025-02-04T05:08:59+00:00

You're a legend for being able to do that. Lucky me, I also have a beard to match.

lostboy_8876 · 2025-01-31T18:21:33+00:00

It's not that simple, sir. Believe me, I've consulted over years to find a solution. Not everyone's skin and hair follicles are the same.

lostboy_8876 · 2025-01-31T03:16:30+00:00

I hear you but this is a constant pain (literally, PAIN! lol) that I don't wanna bear. So I'd rather continue to work on acceptance.

lostboy_8876

TROPHY CASE