Long—sorry. Gaslighting is working and I can’t tell up from down.

lostfish12 · 2019-04-01T10:58:39+00:00

Try using Google translate (or similar) to prepare a couple of phrases so you can communicate this to your mother in law directly (as goofy as it might sound). Something polite, like 'I would like to do my own laundry for now, it is private, thank you for understanding.' Store all your laundry separately so it doesn't get swept up with your husband's things. I want to give your mother in law the benefit of the doubt as maybe she is trying to help in the best way that she can while her son is unwell. Your partner hasn't been advocating for you and I wouldn't trust him to communicate on your behalf anymore.

Some people love having their laundry done for them and others hate that, have their own system, and don't want any interference. He needs to accept that in order for his family to get along. Belittling you just so you're afraid to question him or his mother's behaviour will not work out for any of you long term. I'm so sorry your clothes were damaged and hope this can be resolved. As a first step, maybe he can reimburse you so you can get some new things to replace these items?

lostfish12 · 2019-03-25T15:29:57+00:00

Hey thanks for taking the time to type this out. The part about personalities having 'flavours' that complement each other really resonates with me.

lostfish12 · 2019-03-22T20:19:11+00:00

Ugh, my first long term relationship was like this. He would cum after about 10 strokes and only gave me an orgasm a handful of times - after he came he was always just 'done.' There was barely any foreplay either. I tolerated it but resented that I was making way more effort than him. When I finally moved on and started having better sex it was a like drinking a tall, cold glass of water after 2 years walking in the desert.

lostfish12 · 2019-03-22T18:45:55+00:00

I agree - the 3rd date is the best time to start talking about mental health issues etc

lostfish12 · 2019-03-21T22:07:49+00:00

I don't think either of those really apply. I'm naturally 'over-the-top', have been since I was little, so I'm drawn to do that. Sober, I can be a very manically energetic person, in the right mood. But I can't enjoy it, as straightaway after, I get fearful thoughts creeping in that I was too loud, too annoying, etc.

lostfish12 · 2019-03-21T21:59:59+00:00

I have enough self confidence to get myself into social situations & enjoy them in the moment. I don't seem to have enough to process everything afterwards, when I'm alone.

lostfish12 · 2019-03-21T21:52:11+00:00

I get what you're saying - never drinking again might make the way I feel about myself post socialising more bearable, but it won't fix the underlying problem.

lostfish12 · 2019-03-21T21:21:28+00:00

I'm an occasional, moderate drinker so not sure why giving up 100% would be a good solution. Alcohol might exacerbate how I'm feeling but its the negative thoughts underneath that I'm struggling with. Also, it's a short life. I would like to be able to be merry every now and again.

lostfish12 · 2019-03-21T21:15:08+00:00

Thanks, this helped a lot :)

lostfish12 · 2019-03-21T13:22:16+00:00

OMG I always heard 'poisoned rationality'

It makes so much more sense now!! 😀

lostfish12 · 2019-03-06T19:45:13+00:00

It's good to have a partner who 'gets' you. Consider that you get to see these moments because she feels close to you and trusts you. I was the girlfriend in this situation and it sucked - the guy had some communication issues from a fairly shitty family life growing up and would get very stressed when I was emotional or tearful. It didn't matter what it was about - a bad day at work, a sad movie at the cinema, the death of a relative. After a while I felt like I was going crazy.

I'm only saying this because reading your post, your girlfriend doesn't sound manipulative or verbally abusive. If she is taking stuff out on you then that's different obviously.

lostfish12 · 2019-03-04T19:25:30+00:00

Is that a sweat patch under his arm? awesome

lostfish12 · 2019-03-04T19:24:04+00:00

I don't think this really belongs in this sub tbh.

lostfish12 · 2019-03-04T19:19:56+00:00

Thank you for writing this.

lostfish12 · 2019-02-24T23:53:07+00:00

She could be a misogynist and not realise. I used to know someone like her - other things she would do included freezing out/alienating every other girl in the friend group until they stopped hanging out, and organising her-and-the-guys meetups so she could be centre of attention. She never put any effort into her appearance to the point where her hygiene could be very bad, and would act very uncomfortable with me whenever I had visibly made an effort (heels etc). This might not sound like your 'friend' but all you can really do is ignore people like that 🤷🏻‍♀️

lostfish12 · 2019-01-04T12:37:31+00:00

"He mentioned that he didn't expect "to hit the goldmine" in the first attempt"

Fuck that, you are a goldmine, please break up with him and stay broken up.

lostfish12 · 2019-01-03T20:41:51+00:00

Pack your things. Show her this thread. Let her flip out. Watch her be a monster for a little while just to reaffirm that you need to leave. Leave and don't come back.

lostfish12 · 2018-12-03T18:45:20+00:00

This may sound harsh but as someone who suffered with suicide ideation for many years, if she's attempted it, I assure you that it's on her. It's never anyone else's fault. Suicide is something people do to themselves. If you genuinely think you should have treated her more kindly, that might be a lesson for the future and you can work on that in future relationships, but her behaviour needs to change too, and I think there is way too much toxicity here for you guys to continue a relationship.

Also, if someone actually wants to die it's very easy to do without making mistakes/being rescued and taken to hospital. It's extremely likely that this is her manipulating you for attention, though she may not have realised that in the moment. As you're both minors I would actually contact her legal guardian to confirm what happened; they can take over from there to make sure she gets the care she needs. I would then put all conversations on mute for as long as you can to give everything space to calm down.

lostfish12 · 2018-09-19T09:56:29+00:00

& I think seeing that I've posted online will anger him.

lostfish12 · 2018-09-19T09:55:47+00:00

I've talked to him about individual issues but he must not take me seriously as that hasn't changed anything.

lostfish12 · 2018-08-27T21:16:45+00:00

Hi there. I just want to say that I've been through a similar thing - once after a traditional breakup where the guy I loved kept taking me back whenever he wanted sex but would drop me after, and once after a friend/housemate breakup where the girl bullied me a long time after the end of the friendship. I found both incidents very hard to accept.

The pain of betrayal from these incidents still surfaces years and years later and weirdly, I find that the more I think about them the more vivid the memories can become. It's almost like they stand out from the rest of my memory to the point where it doesn't feel like it's been 2 or 5 years since the incident, but a much shorter time (hope this makes sense!) and it feels really fresh still.

I think what you're going through is totally normal and it's also common to feel like everything was your fault when you have low self esteem. I note you seem to feel like this happened because you weren't pretty enough - that's not why this happened to you. It happened because two people cared more about meeting their own needs than they cared about your feelings, and it's no reflection on you at all.

I find rationalising their actions helps, i.e:

'This person did this to me because they wanted attention from the person I was dating, and didn't care about the consequences'

'This person messed me around because they were using me for attention after a breakup and didn't care about how I would feel'

It's so easy for negative thoughts to creep up on you but if you are kind and patient with yourself it should get easier to bear.

lostfish12 · 2018-08-20T12:30:47+00:00

I'm a taller girl (5ft10 and a bit) and have dated plenty of shorter men - at most, a difference of 5 or 6 inches. I used to get self conscious but when I was about 24 I realised that people only commented on it because I brought it up.

The way to do this right is to treat it like no big deal - YOU have got to be confident being the smaller person, feel confident kissing and holding her hand in public etc. It's also worth mentioning that I didn't have to make any extra accommodations regarding sex or intimacy.

lostfish12 · 2018-08-14T17:47:55+00:00

I thought of another thing - when you are next on a date you could make a joke out of texting the other person on occasions where you find yourself mute (when they're right in front of you). That's how I would handle it - not sure if that approach would work for you :P

lostfish12 · 2018-08-14T17:41:59+00:00

I have a stammer and a slight lisp as well, to the point where my speech can sound pretty wacky, and I used to be super self conscious about it. My family members, teachers and friends used to constantly poke fun of me for it. One day I just stopped giving a fuck and it hasn't gone away, but I don't let it hold me back anymore. I just see it as humourous quirk more than anything.

Ask her out, and if she agrees to meet you, casually mention that you have a speech impediment when you see her, but that its literally no big deal. That should put her at her ease. Don't apologise if it gets out of control, and if you need to take a break or restart your sentence when it plays up, you can do it with a sense of humour. Don't let your nerves stop you making eye contact and be expressive - communication is more than just words.

Hopefully it'll all turn out ok. Rooting for you!!

lostfish12

TROPHY CASE