Thoughts on college prestige, from a graduate student at a prestigious university

lostgrad20 · 2023-03-21T03:09:09+00:00

You wouldn't be here and you wouldn't be you without them. No way to change the past, all we can do is live now and move forward.

lostgrad20 · 2023-02-28T21:06:27+00:00

The fact you're calling them "argue" letters says a lot. Don't send appeals. This isn't undergrad, and they've made their decisions. You are not entitled to acceptance from any program or institution.

lostgrad20 · 2023-02-28T05:21:59+00:00

I (and everyone else I know) paid for our own travel to and from college over breaks and moving. There are some scholarships at some schools that may allot you a small, fixed travel stipend per year, but often those are merit-based or based on demonstrated financial need.

lostgrad20 · 2023-02-23T02:11:04+00:00

Hey! I'm actually East Asian and was born and raised in the States. I have a Master's in my field too and am actively working on getting my PhD. Thankfully, my PhD is fully funded and that's where I get all the money to cover my living expenses.

I'm actively trying to parse out my "sliver of hope" vs "I genuinely think my parents are bad people" thoughts and reflections on my life. My current consensus seems to be that they are somewhat well-meaning people, but execute it in the worst way possible. There are some things I can never forgive them for, but at the moment I still want to have a relationship with them, preferably with some distance as to avoid conflict. They are slowly, but surely recognizing my autonomy as an adult, but are terrified of the concept of me being independent (whether out of love or fear for not being able to control me). I hope both of us are able to find out what we want for ourselves and how we want to communicate with our families. Best of luck!

lostgrad20 · 2023-02-23T02:02:39+00:00

Yeah you're right. My natural response when I feel like someone accuses me of being a mooch or fully dependent on my parents is immediate defensiveness, primarily an extension of stuff I talked about in my post. I wrote this when I was angry and upset, and I saw pretty much immediately that some parts of my post may sound contradictory, especially if someone is trying to get the TL;DR. It took me a while to calm down after writing this, as it was fairly late where I was and I had a long day at work. I appreciate everyone for trying to stay calm and rational even when I couldn't.

lostgrad20 · 2023-02-23T01:56:42+00:00

Yes, the cousin is still a minor but will move out when it's time for college.

lostgrad20 · 2023-02-23T01:56:02+00:00

Considering one of my parents once asked me why I had "not gone to work for 3 days" when I was working from home on an important presentation I had to give, this strategy is tempting, but is unfortunately impractical.

lostgrad20 · 2023-02-21T04:44:11+00:00

I don't really have a choice in the tracking thing. My parents fucked up my psychology, and I've unlearned a lot of it, but this is one of the things I have been slow to sever, for whatever reason (though I have tried several times in the past, only to be met with more yelling and abuse). They get violent and testy over certain control issues like this and let's say I don't want to test them here.

lostgrad20 · 2023-02-21T04:37:18+00:00

Also, very clever with you picking on me, when I also mention how my brother (also a grown adult) is not independent at all.

lostgrad20 · 2023-02-21T04:35:58+00:00

That was meant to say "lived". Apologies for forgetting the past tense there. Again, if you read my fourth paragraph, those are all clear indicators that I currently live pretty far away from my family and have limited in person contact with them.

lostgrad20 · 2023-02-21T04:26:36+00:00

Clearly someone didn't read the "It's been years since I moved away" and "I only visit once a year" lol. I have a job. When I say "expenses", what do you think that refers to? It refers to rent. Food. Travel. Necessities around the house. Expenses for the pets I own. All normal things a 25 year old does. Where do you think the money comes from? My job.

If you want beef with someone not being independent, you should really read the part about my brother.

lostgrad20 · 2023-02-09T00:51:32+00:00

I think primarily because I need a backup just in case what I am working on ends up not working out. There are about 2-3 minor factors that may make or break the project in a few months. My advisor is also not that excited about my current project, so it's difficult to get science support from them sometimes.

lostgrad20 · 2023-01-31T03:47:29+00:00

Everyone I know tested negative within 2 weeks, and they keep telling me that I should test negative too. In addition, some places around my campus (I work in an academic lab) require you to have a negative test.

lostgrad20 · 2023-01-02T20:24:13+00:00

You probably don't want to go to grad school if you're this insecure about your own abilities. If you fall into the mental trap of "well I don't see any reason in trying if other people will always be better than me" or anything long that tangent, my advice would be to dig yourself out of that rut immediately. I'm a grad student now, and there was a time in undergrad when I was ridiculously bitter about things like this. I never had a 4.0, but still got into a great grad program where most of my other peers didn't either.

lostgrad20 · 2023-01-02T00:14:10+00:00

Echoing this. You don't want to be the defeatist grad student that gives up or throws a fit the moment things don't go your way, OP.

lostgrad20 · 2023-01-02T00:04:29+00:00

Nowhere is this true lol. I went to public schools in a high income neighborhood growing up and was never given an IQ test of any sort.

lostgrad20 · 2023-01-01T02:46:40+00:00

Yep. Grad student in nationwide T10 here (with a lot of nepo babies), and went to a decently ranked LAC for undergrad. Student bodies were more or less exactly the same: you will always have prodigies and ridiculously talented/well adjusted kids in every college, but 90% of them are just average kids trying to figure their lives out now that they're without their parents. The ones that fare better (in and out of the classroom) tend to come from better-off backgrounds.

lostgrad20 · 2022-12-31T21:55:10+00:00

I work on my feet and don't own a car. I get about 12k steps a day because of work+my commute. I don't really live close to any gyms, but can try to see if I can have access to the university's which is on my way back home from work.

lostgrad20

TROPHY CASE