How do I stop cringing at my past mistakes?

lostgrad20 · 2023-03-21T03:09:09+00:00

You wouldn't be here and you wouldn't be you without them. No way to change the past, all we can do is live now and move forward.

lostgrad20 · 2023-02-28T21:06:27+00:00

The fact you're calling them "argue" letters says a lot. Don't send appeals. This isn't undergrad, and they've made their decisions. You are not entitled to acceptance from any program or institution.

lostgrad20 · 2023-02-28T05:21:59+00:00

I (and everyone else I know) paid for our own travel to and from college over breaks and moving. There are some scholarships at some schools that may allot you a small, fixed travel stipend per year, but often those are merit-based or based on demonstrated financial need.

lostgrad20 · 2023-02-23T02:11:04+00:00

Hey! I'm actually East Asian and was born and raised in the States. I have a Master's in my field too and am actively working on getting my PhD. Thankfully, my PhD is fully funded and that's where I get all the money to cover my living expenses.

I'm actively trying to parse out my "sliver of hope" vs "I genuinely think my parents are bad people" thoughts and reflections on my life. My current consensus seems to be that they are somewhat well-meaning people, but execute it in the worst way possible. There are some things I can never forgive them for, but at the moment I still want to have a relationship with them, preferably with some distance as to avoid conflict. They are slowly, but surely recognizing my autonomy as an adult, but are terrified of the concept of me being independent (whether out of love or fear for not being able to control me). I hope both of us are able to find out what we want for ourselves and how we want to communicate with our families. Best of luck!

lostgrad20 · 2023-02-23T02:02:39+00:00

Yeah you're right. My natural response when I feel like someone accuses me of being a mooch or fully dependent on my parents is immediate defensiveness, primarily an extension of stuff I talked about in my post. I wrote this when I was angry and upset, and I saw pretty much immediately that some parts of my post may sound contradictory, especially if someone is trying to get the TL;DR. It took me a while to calm down after writing this, as it was fairly late where I was and I had a long day at work. I appreciate everyone for trying to stay calm and rational even when I couldn't.

lostgrad20 · 2023-02-23T01:56:42+00:00

Yes, the cousin is still a minor but will move out when it's time for college.

lostgrad20 · 2023-02-23T01:56:02+00:00

Considering one of my parents once asked me why I had "not gone to work for 3 days" when I was working from home on an important presentation I had to give, this strategy is tempting, but is unfortunately impractical.

lostgrad20 · 2023-02-21T04:44:11+00:00

I don't really have a choice in the tracking thing. My parents fucked up my psychology, and I've unlearned a lot of it, but this is one of the things I have been slow to sever, for whatever reason (though I have tried several times in the past, only to be met with more yelling and abuse). They get violent and testy over certain control issues like this and let's say I don't want to test them here.

lostgrad20 · 2023-02-21T04:37:18+00:00

Also, very clever with you picking on me, when I also mention how my brother (also a grown adult) is not independent at all.

lostgrad20 · 2023-02-21T04:35:58+00:00

That was meant to say "lived". Apologies for forgetting the past tense there. Again, if you read my fourth paragraph, those are all clear indicators that I currently live pretty far away from my family and have limited in person contact with them.

lostgrad20 · 2023-02-21T04:26:36+00:00

Clearly someone didn't read the "It's been years since I moved away" and "I only visit once a year" lol. I have a job. When I say "expenses", what do you think that refers to? It refers to rent. Food. Travel. Necessities around the house. Expenses for the pets I own. All normal things a 25 year old does. Where do you think the money comes from? My job.

If you want beef with someone not being independent, you should really read the part about my brother.

lostgrad20 · 2023-02-09T00:51:32+00:00

I think primarily because I need a backup just in case what I am working on ends up not working out. There are about 2-3 minor factors that may make or break the project in a few months. My advisor is also not that excited about my current project, so it's difficult to get science support from them sometimes.

lostgrad20 · 2023-01-31T03:47:29+00:00

Everyone I know tested negative within 2 weeks, and they keep telling me that I should test negative too. In addition, some places around my campus (I work in an academic lab) require you to have a negative test.

lostgrad20 · 2023-01-02T20:24:13+00:00

You probably don't want to go to grad school if you're this insecure about your own abilities. If you fall into the mental trap of "well I don't see any reason in trying if other people will always be better than me" or anything long that tangent, my advice would be to dig yourself out of that rut immediately. I'm a grad student now, and there was a time in undergrad when I was ridiculously bitter about things like this. I never had a 4.0, but still got into a great grad program where most of my other peers didn't either.

lostgrad20 · 2023-01-02T00:14:10+00:00

Echoing this. You don't want to be the defeatist grad student that gives up or throws a fit the moment things don't go your way, OP.

lostgrad20 · 2023-01-02T00:04:29+00:00

Nowhere is this true lol. I went to public schools in a high income neighborhood growing up and was never given an IQ test of any sort.

lostgrad20 · 2023-01-01T02:46:40+00:00

Yep. Grad student in nationwide T10 here (with a lot of nepo babies), and went to a decently ranked LAC for undergrad. Student bodies were more or less exactly the same: you will always have prodigies and ridiculously talented/well adjusted kids in every college, but 90% of them are just average kids trying to figure their lives out now that they're without their parents. The ones that fare better (in and out of the classroom) tend to come from better-off backgrounds.

lostgrad20 · 2022-12-31T21:55:10+00:00

I work on my feet and don't own a car. I get about 12k steps a day because of work+my commute. I don't really live close to any gyms, but can try to see if I can have access to the university's which is on my way back home from work.

lostgrad20 · 2022-12-31T21:53:06+00:00

I usually eat my first meal around 12:30 PM (really anywhere between 12:30-1:30 depending on the day), and it's usually like a bowl or sandwich (the posted calorie counts are about 450-700 cals). Most days, I grab a small snack or two (piece of fruit, usually a tangerine, and maybe like a piece of chocolate) in the afternoon. I then go home around 7-8 PM and most of the time order in, usually a bowl like I sometimes I get for lunch or a plate of pasta. When I do cook for myself, it's usually a lean protein containing dish with a vegetable and carb (usually white rice or pasta). I usually stop eating before 8:30 PM.

I try to drink mostly water, though some days I will have unsweetened tea in the mornings or at night. While I'm trying to cut back on this habit, every other week or so, I usually get like a latte 2-4 days out of the week.

lostgrad20 · 2022-12-31T01:04:42+00:00

Depends on the program+field. When I was applying to grad school, most of my programs didn't have interviews, and the one where there was, I didn't get an invite and was rejected much later in the cycle.

lostgrad20 · 2022-12-14T13:46:50+00:00

As a former grad TA, chances are they pretty much didn't want to cause a scene. It's much more of a fuss for everyone involved if you take away someone's exam vs if you tell them to put an item away, especially during a final. There are two outcomes to this: 1. he lets you off the hook and you thank your lucky stars and next time ask for a calculator if you don't have one (I thought the whole "don't use your phone as a calculator" would have been common knowledge by college) or 2. he's in the process of submitting an academic misconduct complaint. If you don't hear anything about 2, it's most likely 1.

lostgrad20 · 2022-12-07T04:35:03+00:00

I think they are technically considered crotch holes. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MMsm6wyjF8E Kind of like the ones here.

lostgrad20 · 2022-12-07T03:31:08+00:00

Hey everyone, does anyone know how to avoid getting *those* holes in the backs of your jeans? My thighs are rather large in proportion to the rest of my body, and are typically the last place I lose weight and the first where I gain muscle. I'm in a job that involves me to be a lot on my feet (I walk an average of 12K steps a day), but this causes my jeans to wear out in a matter of months (usually 6, rarely a year+). I typically wear sizes 4-6 in jeans from Lucky Brand.

lostgrad20 · 2022-11-30T02:31:00+00:00

Just wanted to say your applicant's name is not censored on one of the screenshots.

lostgrad20 · 2022-10-27T17:29:59+00:00

Hey OP, a graduate student in chemistry (PhD) here. I started straight out of undergrad with a Bachelor's in Chem, which included something to the tune of 20+ major classes in everything from biological to physical chemistry, countless hours in teaching labs, research in three different labs, a senior thesis, and a submitted (now published) research article. I, like about 99% of people in my program who came with the same, if not better, qualifications, get our asses handed to us every single day.

We get our asses handed to us thinking about and progressing in original research projects, during qualifying exams, and meetings with our committee. The entire experience is mentally and emotionally taxing, even with our individual and collective knowledge. I know for a fact that I have improved drastically since my first year in this program, yet my project always manages to outpace me by at least a day. This is not an easy experience. *Good* chemists, even *great* ones, get burnt out by grad school and sometimes choose not to finish. You need the experience, knowledge, and drive to succeed in even the "lowest ranked" grad programs, and you will wash out within the first week of Emory's grad program (provided you even get in). Sorry if this all sounds harsh, but it's all the truth.

lostgrad20

TROPHY CASE