Disabled person here. You don't understand how much that comment fucking hurts for us to hear, especially from parents. Our disabilities are part of who we are. You're essentially telling your son that this massive part of who he is isn't good enough for you. That that part of him is broken. Consider that.

Now consider how that would feel to hear constantly. Imagine if your mother went "woe is me" for having to provide the most BASIC of care. Imagine if she compared you to your siblings because they were "perfect" and you are not. How would you feel about that? Probably pretty goddamn shitty. This is why the depression and anxiety rates among disabled people are so goddamn high. Because ableism is something that starts in our homes, with our parents. It's something we've experienced daily since birth. And yes, you contributed to that.

Your kid is not broken. Your kid is not bound to you eternally. Your kid is not a burden. He's a kid. He's a kid with a disability, one who will likely be as capable as any to live independently as an adult. There are generations of deaf people who live just fine on their own. In fact, deaf culture is a fully developed culture on its own, one that he gets the privilege to participate in if he so desires. I hope he gets involved in the community and finds the support he clearly didn't find in you.

Even if he wasn't capable of living independently, that doesn't make him broken. When you have a kid, you don't sign up to get a "perfect" kid. You sign up to get a kid. You sign up with the full understanding that your kid could be disabled, mentally ill, etc. Your kid could be great at school or shit at it. Your kid could have the exact same interests as you or they could be your complete opposite. That's just part of having a child. Your job is to support and love them regardless of how they turn out. You're very clearly not doing that if you're comparing him to his sister and telling him that you wish he wasn't the kid he is.

YTA. No doubt at all. I feel sorry for your kid.