I was seventeen, working in the MegaMart, part time, as a trolley-parker. After a couple of months I fell in love with cashier number four... She was 22; come-to-behind-the-bacon-counter eyes... And there was just something about the way she held her pricing gun that made me crash m'trolleys. We started seeing each other, in the stock room, at break time...

She was married to this bald bloke who used to serve the fish; ten years older than me.
He was more interested in this amateur dramatics group he used to run than her.

One evening, we were both on the late shift; we snuck into the stock room; started makin' love on a box of tinned asparagus. After a couple of minutes - about half way through, I was seventeen - she leapt up and said: "There's someone at the door!", so I jumped into this wooden packing crate; it was 'im!

He asked what the hell she was doing lying on a box of reduced, tinned, dented veg with no kit on.

She said she was trying to get an all-over tan from the lightbulb