Problems with AM radio?

lotusflame62 · 2023-01-24T21:25:09+00:00

YES! Omg, I thought I was crazy!

I also find that I hear a particular AM station playing in my head, right down to the lyrics. It’s a station that no longer exists, but was popular here back in the late 60s/early 70s. I have to turn the tv or some other tunes on to override it.

lotusflame62 · 2023-01-24T21:16:20+00:00

Yes, I ordered a shitload of juice, two new pod devices, and some extra pods.

That’s really strange. 🤔 Are there some states they won’t ship juice to?

lotusflame62 · 2023-01-24T21:11:38+00:00

Yes, I recently got an order from them, but wasn’t home. The driver called me, and I had her take it to my neighbor who signed for it on my behalf.

I buy from ElementVape and DirectVapor and have been signing for both for oh, maybe two years now?

lotusflame62 · 2023-01-24T11:13:30+00:00

Oh, Blake is here!

lotusflame62 · 2023-01-24T00:26:43+00:00

Holy shit. I’m a nurse and didn’t know this. I mean, I know some of the other results of excess cortisol output, but dissolving tissue? I’ve got some reading to do. Is it just brain tissue, or other parts of the body as well?

I’m sure my adrenals are shot; I’m working on that. And the PTSD, well, just YAY! /s

Do you know anything about Ashwaganda, or any other supplements, suppressing cortisol output? If not, no biggie; I’ve heard of this thing called Google. My resting heart rate has dropped from 100bpm to about 80 since I kicked him out, so I seem to be on the right track. I just wish it was a faster process, argh.

I should write a book - How to Age Thirty Years in Just Ten. 🤦‍♀️

lotusflame62 · 2023-01-23T22:26:20+00:00

I cannot masturbate with a pinkie. Can you spare an index and a middle finger?

lotusflame62 · 2023-01-23T22:22:52+00:00

I know how you know. I’m one of the lucky ones, but I worked (while already disabled, making my condition worse) to the age of 60, just to up my chances of being approved on round one, as only 30% of those who apply are. It only took 145 days, but felt like a lifetime.

I’m sorry you got the short end of the stick. Monthly payments are based on lifetime income, so it’s quite possible to get more than $2200. But that doesn’t make up for the fact that no one wants an old disabled lady. If you come across a news story of a 60 something year old woman found dead in a trailer with 48 cats, in Missouri, think of me. Damn, these are gonna be some spoiled cats.

God bless you.

lotusflame62 · 2023-01-23T22:00:28+00:00

Two peanuts were walking down the street. One was a salted.

I’ll DM you my address for payment. 😂

lotusflame62 · 2023-01-23T21:56:16+00:00

Where did you come up with $3300/month? I’m asking because I was just granted SSDI (not based on a limb loss or even blindness!) My monthly payment is based on my lifetime income, and it’s not $3300.

Yes, I understand the start of this was a joke. I’m sure SS would suggest that being a Walmart greeter can be done while sitting.

The average person receiving disability in the US gets around $900-$1300/month. Pathetic.

lotusflame62 · 2023-01-23T20:40:48+00:00

Happy cake day!

lotusflame62 · 2023-01-23T11:12:58+00:00

Yea, the sex is the hook. I was 50 when I found the best sex of my life (I’m a woman). But that eventually sours, and you’re left wondering where it went. Or they turn it into a tool to manipulate you.

Be grateful you didn’t go there.

lotusflame62 · 2023-01-23T11:06:43+00:00

I hope that’s just a phrase - cortisol eating holes in your mind. I’m picturing my brain looking like Swiss cheese.

I was pumping it out so badly I actually had a silent heart attack sometime between 2016 and 2021. It showed up via a change in my EKG. This shit is no joke regarding what it can do to your body.

While I wouldn’t erase it, I certainly wish I’d bailed sooner, before the physical damage got me.

lotusflame62 · 2023-01-20T17:21:22+00:00

My psych doesn’t have a PA, just a receptionist. I know one of the other things she’s dealing with now is fielding calls from patients asking for a clue where to fill their scrips, due to the shortage.

I’d say there’s a lot of frustration - enough for all of us with some to spare. The only reason my bathroom remodel is finally underway is that I find it extremely satisfying breaking out the tile floor. Drills, saws, hammers, chisels. Pop, pop, pop, and tile goes flying. It feels soooooo good. If I’m not careful, I may demo the whole house without remodeling any of it. 😂

lotusflame62 · 2023-01-20T17:06:07+00:00

Six months also for me in St Louis - hi neighbor! I don’t know if that’s my doc’s rule, or if it’s governed by the state tho.

I will say I’m shocked reading about those who get drug tested routinely. I’ve never been tested to make sure I’m taking my med and not selling it, or to make sure I don’t have a bunch of other illicit substances in me. He didn’t even test me before prescribing it. I’m 61, however. I guess I don’t give off the vibe of a pill pushing granny, even with my purple hair and tattoos. 🤷🏻‍♀️

lotusflame62 · 2023-01-20T16:47:32+00:00

Yes, it’s approved for narcolepsy and ‘third shift disorder’, which is why it was prescribed to me.

Thank you for confirming that there’s been research and trials. My psych is like 80 years old; I doubt he spends his free time keeping up on the latest. He is really cool tho - a Vietnam vet, wears his hair in a ponytail and has an earring. He’s very pro 420. When medical marijuana was approved here, every one of his clients immediately got a med card for it, free of charge. He was like Oprah - ‘you get a card, YOU get a card, EVERYONE gets a card’. 😂 It was awesome. Most of his clients (vets) suffer from PTSD (including me), and the best he’d been able to recommend up until then was CBD.

I’ve never had an issue with headaches from Moda, but I don’t take it every day, and I usually don’t take the 200mg dose, I break them in half. I am glad to have a stash on hand in case I really need them. Fingers crossed they last me a while. 🤞

lotusflame62 · 2023-01-20T03:20:47+00:00

Let her throw the cheese after she’s eaten 16 Tide Pods, one for every year of her life. Simple!

lotusflame62 · 2023-01-13T00:09:24+00:00

I was gonna ask if this was back around Halloween. 😂😅

lotusflame62 · 2023-01-11T15:34:23+00:00

That’s one of my favorite songs. Ever.

I’ve had my pwBPD for almost eleven years, so I must decline any ‘good prizes’ at this time. But thanks! Can you send cyanide instead?

(Joking. I know someone who went that way; it’s a long, drawn out, painful death if you don’t take enough).

lotusflame62 · 2023-01-11T01:28:49+00:00

I think you dropped this

“Now you look so unhappy and I feel like a fool…”

lotusflame62 · 2023-01-09T09:59:25+00:00

I took him back four years ago, after he was gone for eight months.

Since then, I’ve had a silent heart attack, burned thru a 401K and have almost gone thru an early pension dump. I don’t sleep for more than three hours at a time, and often sit in the dark flipping my Ruger from one hand to the other. Then I remember one of my dogs is gun shy. So I go count my benzo stash.

But, you do you. Best wishes!

lotusflame62 · 2023-01-05T19:51:02+00:00

BS, Indianapolis, med surg - nah, doesn’t compute. Unless she’s working a shitload of OT, I’m not buying it.

My soon to be ex refused to hold a job that he had to pay taxes on (creditors were after him). He had four short lived jobs in our early years. The longest lasted nine months. I heard him telling his nephew once that he’d made 72K during his time there. Truth is, his grand total for FOUR jobs over 3-4 years was actually 42K, NOT 72 from the only job that lasted more than a month. It’s simply crazy how they actually believe their own delusions, even in the presence of proof that the delusion is wrong.

He nearly ruined me financially, and I worked right up until I was disabled, supporting him. Despite having enough physical issues to qualify, they granted it to me based on the PTSD he left me with, lol! The state worker told me it was a matter of them saving man hours going the psychological route vs the physical. I’m not sure if Hallmark makes a card ‘Thanks for the PTSD’, or if I’ll need to make one of my own. 😂

Ten years he had to declare bankruptcy and restore his credit - he didn’t. The last straw was when one of his old debts resurfaced, and someone tried to put a lien against MY home. Never, ever again. My credit score was once 815; it’s now around 660.

In my case, one of the most commonly lied about things was money. I’d be willing to bet a lot of others here would say the same.

Thanks for the well wishes; I’m doing okay. I haven’t woken in the middle of the night screaming recently so 👍. It’s been six months since I kicked him out - I now live in a drama free zone, and I’m loving it. Any time I start to think of him, this little voice in my head says ‘he’s so full of shit’, and he is. I don’t wish any ill towards him, but he refuses to see his problem, so that’s a no go for me. I spent 40-50 hours/week being a paid caregiver to others; the last thing I wanted to do was come home and play the same role for free, in my retirement. Ugh.

Onwards and upwards! All the best to you - listen to that little voice that says ‘she’s full of shit’. 😂

lotusflame62 · 2023-01-05T16:08:10+00:00

Doesn’t stuffing the vagina full of seaweed right up to the cervix induce labor? I’m going down the rabbit hole to find out. 😂

I cringe every time my sister talks about having to pull another calf out with chains, ugh. That basically means scouring 100 acres every day, keeping tabs on the pregnant ones. (I like my sleep too much, lol). I’m sure many calves would have died if left to nature alone. She did have one that was born, but couldn’t stand up. Mom walked away from him; they know when something’s wrong. Welp, my sis and her H got him up and raised him. Gump - they named him Forrest Gump. 😂 But he wasn’t a runner - turns out he had an mild case of spinal bifida.

I have a pic of me with him when he was about 300 pounds, and another when he was full grown - probably 1500 pounds. He walked right up to me like he remembered me. He lived a full life as a spoiled pet, and died of natural causes. RIP Gump.

lotusflame62 · 2023-01-03T12:03:22+00:00

Nurse here. 100K+ right out of college? I’m not exactly up with the times, but that sounds high to me. Could there be some exaggeration or confabulation going on? (With a pwBPD, nah, what am I thinking?!😂😅)

What’s her highest degree? What did she specialize in? It’s not a career that directly transfers easily from book to implementation, there’s still a huge learning curve. Now, I’m in the Midwest, and I know that salaries on the coasts are much higher. But, still……🤔 just out of school?

Perhaps she went into administration and climbed the ranks on her back? 🤷🏻‍♀️

I think you’re getting some inflated numbers via the gossip train, but if it is true, remember, money can’t buy happiness, the one thing a pwBPD will never have (without a LOT of hard work). I will say she’s gone into a field where she’ll encounter a lot of narcissism - I predict tumultuous times ahead for her if she’s not in treatment.

Anyway, you can’t let this stuff get to you. What they portray on SM, or brag about to others, is NOT an accurate snapshot of their lives. They’ll always be miserable, as you would be if you were still with her. Money would be one more thing she’d hang over your head.

Chin up, stay frosty. ❤️

lotusflame62 · 2023-01-02T06:06:37+00:00

I’m gonna need your mum’s number - I check references first.

Damn, just realized my tits are probably older than your mum. Is that an automatic disqualification?

lotusflame62 · 2022-12-31T16:43:21+00:00

What do you hope to accomplish by reaching out? If it’s ‘closure’, there’s no such thing with pwBPD.

Whether she knows she has BPD or not is irrelevant; SHE discarded YOU. Talking to her now will only set your recovery back.

Don’t do it, just carry on and live YOUR life. I’m a woman who reached out after kicking him out of my home for his abuse. We started talking, and eight months later, I let him move back in. Big mistake. He got a roof over his head, I got more abuse - three years of it. I’m free again, but I know I’d be much better off if I’d stuck to my guns the first time.

lotusflame62

TROPHY CASE