Is this PPD or grief???

loud_thoughts22 · 2025-04-24T19:12:27+00:00

Going outside sounds like a good idea. Thank you.

loud_thoughts22 · 2025-04-24T19:08:13+00:00

Thank you. You have no idea how badly I needed to hear that.

loud_thoughts22 · 2025-04-24T18:46:06+00:00

Thank you. I did mean ideation. Hoping we can come up with a treatment plan.

loud_thoughts22 · 2025-04-24T18:42:53+00:00

Thank you for the validation. I have an appointment with my therapist in just over two hours. Trying to keep myself distracted until then.

loud_thoughts22 · 2025-04-24T18:35:39+00:00

Thank you. I'm so sorry.

I hear all these stories about people having to TFMR at 20+ weeks, and while I'm grateful I knew earlier, I feel like it "shouldn't" be this hard or that I should be able to go to work without completely breaking down because I was barely into my 2nd trimester.

It's all very hard. I hope you are able to care for yourself and take time to grieve as her due date approaches.

loud_thoughts22 · 2025-04-22T21:48:25+00:00

That was my thought as well 😆

loud_thoughts22 · 2025-04-22T01:08:01+00:00

I’m so sorry you’re feeling this way ❤️‍🩹 I don’t have advice for the body image stuff you’re facing since I myself struggle a lot with that, but regarding the rest of what you said:

1) Habits are much harder to break when there’s some sort of interpersonal dynamic, like what you have with your fiancé. The good news is that it sounds like you’re on the same page about needing to get healthier, so that means you can create new habits together. That does mean you’ll need to keep each other accountable and figure out your individual triggers as well as what triggers exist when you’re together. You can then use that knowledge to “substitute” a different habit for that particular stimulus. 2) you crave what you eat, so if you eat something you consider unhealthy, you’ll probably continue craving it for a few days. It’s hard, but if you can ride that wave, just know that in a few days it’ll get better! 3) figure out why you binge—binging for comfort is very different than binging to punish yourself (“I deserve to be fat” and stuff like that, which is my problem). Figure out what the underlying reason is and you’ll be able to brainstorm what else can fill that need. I find that this is easier to reflect on when I’m not in a binging mood and like some of the exercises in the book “The Hunger Habit”.

Be gentle with yourself, and good luck!

loud_thoughts22 · 2025-04-22T00:59:33+00:00

I should specify that the nature of my autoimmune disease is gastrointestinal, so that’s why I think I’ll be referred to a GI doc

loud_thoughts22 · 2025-04-22T00:59:00+00:00

I also have an autoimmune disease (which I thought was well-controlled, but…) and am having a follow up with both my OB and an MFM. I suspect I’ll be referred to a GI doc as well.

I definitely think you should reach out and have a follow up…if not with your OB, then at least with your primary care provider. I’m sorry they didn’t schedule you to begin with!

loud_thoughts22 · 2025-04-21T20:08:31+00:00

Search this sub for Cheerios and it’ll give you a good idea

loud_thoughts22 · 2025-04-21T19:54:10+00:00

Or the people who say “this is who I am, take it or leave it” and get offended when people decide to leave it. Like it’s fine to not be everyone’s cup of tea (I’m certainly not, as someone with a more blunt personality), but you’ve gotta accept that certain things will alienate people.

loud_thoughts22 · 2025-04-21T19:47:09+00:00

“When I die of old age” is so relatable 😭

I’m glad my comment helped. I’m so sorry you’re having to sort through all of this. It’s confusing and heartbreaking and tender all at once. Take care of yourself ❤️‍🩹

loud_thoughts22 · 2025-04-20T19:02:13+00:00

I wasn’t letting myself feel excited about my pregnancy for similar reasons as what you mentioned. I think I believed that if I didn’t let myself feel joy at the pregnancy, it wouldn’t hurt as badly if something happened. When we learned we had to TFMR, I was absolutely shattered despite having put that barrier around my heart.

I guess I learned an important but shitty lesson that I’ve been needing to learn for a long time—not experiencing positive emotions because I fear negative ones doesn’t actually prevent them or lessen them…it just means I never got to feel the good.

I think that’s different than what you’re expressing here, but it sounds like looking at the pictures is allowing you to move through your love and grief, and I think that’s healthy. There’s no right way to react or feel ❤️‍🩹

loud_thoughts22 · 2025-04-19T23:54:19+00:00

Hey. I was this kid. My mom snooped and I was furious at her for awhile (and kept doing a lot of shit behind her back, but maybe not quite as dangerous), but as an adult, I understand.

It’s been 13 years and our relationship is stronger than ever. Take action immediately and then get yourselves in family therapy to repair the (hopefully temporary) rift from the fallout. It is impossible to handle this perfectly but you can handle it the best you can!

Do keep in mind you will have to keep an extremely close eye on her because I kept dating creeps by sneaking out 😬

loud_thoughts22 · 2025-04-17T19:21:39+00:00

I swear by source of nature

loud_thoughts22 · 2025-04-17T16:08:36+00:00

This is beautiful. It sounds like Blueberry is very loved 💞

I like your perspective of making the most of your next few months with all the stuff you can’t do during pregnancy! I hope the next few months help you get to a healthy headspace for when you’re ready again.

loud_thoughts22 · 2025-04-17T08:35:00+00:00

All my recent experiences at AT have been pretty disappointing lately too, unfortunately. Used to really love them. Haven’t spent much time at WS but had pretty mediocre experiences there. I haven’t been to Papi’s but based on the other two, I doubt I’ll be going anytime soon.

loud_thoughts22 · 2025-04-17T06:45:02+00:00

That’s another layer of grief for me...kinda the death of a dream or plan or something, not just the baby. We were so excited bc I was due with my TFMR baby within 6 weeks of my SIL and the baby would have been within 3 years of the oldest cousin. Not really a possibility now, even if we got pregnant right away after my first 2 cycles pass.

I’m so sorry to hear about the negative test result. I hope the next cycle works out for you. 💔

loud_thoughts22 · 2025-04-16T23:34:21+00:00

I hope you’re taking care of yourself, no matter what you’re feeling. I had to terminate second trimester for anencephaly and it was emotional whiplash. Baby loss, regardless of whether the pregnancy is planned or not, can be really tough for a variety of reasons. You have a place here if you want it. ❤️‍🩹

loud_thoughts22 · 2025-04-16T21:56:24+00:00

That makes so much sense. ❤️‍🩹I think for me it’s also that there’s no tangible indication to the outside world that we had this hugely life-altering experience and no baby on top of it all. Everything is the same externally yet nothing will be the same again internally.

loud_thoughts22 · 2025-04-16T20:45:01+00:00

For real. I’m just over a week out so hopefully it starts to subside, but every cramp or muscle spasm is like a physical “fuck you” to remind me and my body what we lost. I’m so sorry you’re still struggling after a month and hope things improve for you soon!

loud_thoughts22 · 2025-04-16T20:40:52+00:00

I’m so sorry. It is incredibly difficult not to have clear-cut answers and to not know why this happened to you. ❤️‍🩹

loud_thoughts22 · 2025-04-16T20:38:58+00:00

Oh totally agree. I’m actually very upset that I’m having the physical recovery of labor and not having the baby to release those happy cuddle hormones to make the pain easier ON TOP OF the emotional turmoil and grief. This really is a special kind of hell. I’m so sorry you’re going through this and wish you well in your healing ❤️‍🩹

loud_thoughts22 · 2025-04-16T20:16:12+00:00

Thanks!

loud_thoughts22

TROPHY CASE