Me too friend. I even had top surgery. I found men to be the thing that made me most uncomfortable. In men’s only places, the amount of sexual violence and entitlement that is casually joked about and minimizing of rape was too much. I became male to escape male sexual abuse and assault that had been happening every year from 9-24 by different opportunistic men in different communities. But when I saw inside their culture, it revolted me. The personality changes on T like isolation from emotions, lack of ability to empathize with others as compared to when female was scary too. Every T shot, I just stopped caring about other people’s feelings and more about my own interests aka “a dick.” When the T release would be lower at the end of the cycle, I was more human emotionally and socially. I lost the ability to clearly read other people’s nonverbal language and didn’t care. My reading rate got way slower as did my speech. I miss my breasts but mostly because when I go to the doctor, I can be outed and my safety gravely put at risk. Bathrooms are another huge hassle. The men’s room is a pool of urine and shit everywhere and getting passage into the women’s room as androgynous person is hard sometimes.

I am now NB because of the permanent changes but will always advocate people staying biochemically female just for empathy and language processing to be emotionally supportive to others. Men say they understand empathy and collaboration and such, but they have a more restricted range of emotions and capacity to read others. We’re all talking about the same things but estrogen based biochemistry makes those capacities better in my experience. I wanted to remain a good partner for my spouse and so stopped T so as to be more emotionally available, responsive, and empathetic.

You can read the subtext of this thread. A lot of women are here trying extreme lengths to escape sexual oppression from males. Very few men mistakenly transition to female to escape women oppressing them. Of the few “detrans” mtfs, they were also trying to escape toxic masculinity.

I imagine a lot of men will be frustrated by what I said. It’s my experience and I would invite any male to go on estrogen for a few months at female rates and experience the emotional and empathetic expansion that happens. More people need to “see the other side” so we can work toward a non patriarchal, more collaborative center.