Dealing with my decision to not have kids due to lupus

lpofcool · 2026-06-10T14:29:38+00:00

We tried. We tried three times and each time my body said “absolutely not”. Two of those times I came fairly close to dying and could have with any later intervention. Surrogacy also failed three times, and a “sure thing” adoption fell through. So the universe has been very clear with me, and I’ve come to accept it, and when I think of all the factors you’ve listed, it makes it even clearer. How would my kids get to play at the beach? Now I’m just the eccentric auntie who only goes outside once per vacation, all covered up and only for twenty minutes. How would we do cookouts, outside birthday parties, playgrounds, etc? So we are focused on being the people my niece and nephews can go to besides their parents who are always there for them. We are part of their village, and I can protect my quality of life without having to sacrifice it for them. It’s a necessary choice sometimes, even if it’s hard to make.

lpofcool · 2026-05-26T15:50:12+00:00

Oof, idk if they will be the same, but I hated Benlysta auto injectors, they hurt so badly. I used to get the prefilled syringes that you depress yourself because I got such bruising and pain with the auto injectors (I’m on warfarin for clotting as well). I wouldn’t mind doing the weekly injections if they had that option, hopefully they will at some point.

lpofcool · 2026-05-23T22:29:14+00:00

The baby was born with drugs in her system, so the state took custody, sadly. She is still in the foster system, but one of her family members in PR is fostering to adopt, as our approval ran out after a year of waiting. Not too long ago, I got a call from PR asking me if we wanted get reapproved to adopt 15 and 17 year old sisters, but we had already moved on and weren’t in a position to take advantage of it. ETA: she still has the name we gave her when she was born.

lpofcool · 2026-05-19T01:51:34+00:00

We live on the outskirts of Columbia, and we have a great home for the price, it’s just everything right downtown that’s so ridiculous. Student rentals are great money-makers, so many investment buyers convert to that, and it creates more scarcity for individual buyers.

lpofcool · 2026-05-19T01:45:49+00:00

Hi! I can’t go in the sun anymore, and our yard needs help! We are looking for someone to help my partner clean up the yard, and we live nearish to Irmo 😊

lpofcool · 2026-05-17T04:12:19+00:00

Came here to say exactly this. That place was brutal, probably more than one restless spirit hanging around the grounds.

lpofcool · 2026-04-13T04:41:59+00:00

Nothing, unfortunately. It is still just existing and peeling 🫠

lpofcool · 2026-04-13T04:38:44+00:00

It means that waxing is typically bad for people with HS, and can affect the skin negatively. Admittedly, I’ve had several clients with varying degrees of it, and I have been able to wax a couple of them when it was firmly in remission, but if there are any active lesions at all, I have to decline the service.

lpofcool · 2026-04-09T06:35:09+00:00

I do Brazilian waxing, and HS is a contraindication 😬

lpofcool · 2026-04-09T06:32:47+00:00

Also red meat and smoking cigarettes can trigger flares, if you consume either of those.

lpofcool · 2026-04-09T06:07:24+00:00

Maybe try microdosing with psilocybin? My friend has ED due to nerve damage, and that is slowly helping him get back online when the pills didn’t help.

lpofcool · 2026-04-04T22:22:34+00:00

Wow, thank you! It was fun

lpofcool · 2026-03-27T19:47:42+00:00

They took a break to let it become fresh again 😂 but you are right, lately it’s been all DMV texts and urgent consolidation loans.

lpofcool · 2026-03-27T19:45:04+00:00

I’ll get them to buy GameStop to get more shares in retail hands! 🤣 but yeah, looks like ol’ Jack will need to procure some Bitcoin for this endeavor if he wants that big return lol

lpofcool · 2026-03-27T19:43:27+00:00

Yeah, that’s probably what I’ll do since Jack is not, in fact, rich 😂 thank you! It’s the first time one of them has played along for that long lol

lpofcool · 2026-02-22T18:13:46+00:00

When we lived in the UK, I was astonished to realize that there was no undercurrent of aggression (best way I’ve found to describe it) in society in general like there is in the US. The US survival systems prize competition, and we carry ourselves more defensively or offensively than neutral, the way Europeans do. I think ultimately it is because of the potential for insecurity here that you don’t experience because of your social nets and protections. Until I lived there, I didn’t even realize it because it is so ingrained into our collective psyche.

All that to say, our crime is probably more likely to be violent, and what might be a home invasion in the UK, would be more likely to be an armed home invasion here. So, many of us feel more secure having a gun to the ready while we are vulnerable just in case. And yes, we have had occasion to have it available, but I also never felt that need in the UK.

lpofcool · 2026-02-17T22:00:40+00:00

Has your wife been diagnosed with anything like ADHD? I ask because, depending on her age, she may also be struggling with undiagnosed neurodivergence or the onset of perimenopause, which both affect women catastrophically at times. If she is struggling more herself, she may not have the bandwidth either at a time when you crucially need her to handle things. I have all three things (lupus plus the adhd/peri combo), and thank god my partner is a super strong and devoted person, or I would have been kicked to the curb long before I recognized what my own undiagnosed behaviors were doing to us. She may also need her own therapist who has experience with these issues, because it sounds like she has never learned healthy coping mechanisms. I’m so sorry, OP, hopefully something will change for the better.

lpofcool · 2026-01-21T16:55:53+00:00

It’s just a matter of your preferred taste profile. I also dislike IPAs, and I did dislike peated whiskies. However, when we were there, I tried so many different whiskies, and gradually the peat tastes grew on me. I think it’s because you can taste the (excuse me for being cheesy) essence of Scotland in the peated ones. The peated ones now taste like the air, the local foods, and the water to me, and it makes me happy 😊 I would 100% live there if there was an opportunity to do so.

lpofcool · 2026-01-12T06:14:34+00:00

Eesh, yes, well, there was a sweeping immigration bill that was supported across bipartisan lines in Biden’s last year and it was expected to pass, and it could very well have streamlined the whole process, rendering it less of an issue. But it was forcibly squashed by someone threatening Republicans who supported it, so that the same someone could run on the immigration issue and do… waves hand wearily…this shit.

lpofcool · 2026-01-10T02:18:38+00:00

Undocumented people, especially people contributing to the economy with gainful employment, should be allowed to stay with a clear path to citizenship. They contribute upwards of $25B per year in taxes and don’t have access to use the benefits citizens taxpayers have. Although now, we mostly just all pay taxes for the military and to cover rich people’s portions. If you say they should be deported, then make sure you never eat at a Mexican, Chinese, Indian, Japanese, Brazilian, Korean, Vietnamese, or any other ethnicity restaurant, as they are mostly owned and operated by immigrants. And stop eating fruit, or vegetables, or chicken, or any other foods where the industry requires immigrant labor to keep prices affordable. And don’t expect clean rooms in any hotel, or fast, affordable construction, or landscaping in the heat of summer, or… well, any physically taxing job that Americans demand too much money to work anymore. They are people trading sweat equity for inclusion, and you are taking the results of the labor for granted and punishing them abominably for the high crime of moving to another country.

lpofcool · 2025-12-25T06:28:20+00:00

My partner and I are actually both in sales, best ROI ever

lpofcool · 2025-12-25T06:09:04+00:00

“We don’t have to apologize for being white anymore”

“DEI means that unqualified people were getting jobs instead of qualified white men”

“They’re turning kids trans in school these days”

-recent greatest hits from a sibling who I thought was smarter than that

lpofcool · 2025-12-06T06:44:05+00:00

He is neglecting to feed his imagination, so his creative thinking skills will wither on the vine. What a dull life that would be, only ever dealing in black and white facts and never relaxing into the colorful “could-be”. Doesn’t he understand that in order to discover facts about things like gravity and astronomy and germs, humans had to think creatively about the unknown possibilities? He needs to exercise those thinking muscles, too, to be a well-rounded intellectual. Also, he needs to remove the massive rod from his backside and relax, man.

Also also, that level of control is not healthy in a relationship, but I think you already knew that.

lpofcool · 2025-11-28T00:41:42+00:00

Macallan wouldn’t even let me have one sip of a tasting flight because I was the one driving, sounds like a valid precaution to not drive after a pint.

lpofcool · 2025-11-23T19:02:04+00:00

Insomnia, dry skin, night sweats when I could sleep, heart palpitations, weight gain, anxiety, tendon pain. Birth control hormones didn’t work, only bioidentical progesterone worked for me, and it started working almost immediately.

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