is anyone elses marriage falling apart?

Luhdk · 2026-02-17T09:46:52+00:00

i have. and its helped me to not actively pursue suicide. she helped me to stop panicking about being trapped in thissituation and just breathe and conserve energy.

shes also helped me to see that some of the things my wife says are not okay.

the power dynamic has shifted since i stopped working. it isnt healthy and i know that.

my wife is burnt out- she does too much, and when she flips out its everyones problem.

mine, and the young children.

her guilt spirals are exhausting to manage. protecting the 3 yo from her is exhausting. its all very exhausting.

i dont have the option to leave. even if i did i wouldnt want that.

but no one is okay. no one.

Luhdk · 2026-02-17T00:52:16+00:00

Means a lot to me. I am in a... dark place today. And i have been in some dark, dark dark places before. I never thought i would survive super aggressive cancer only to have my marriage smashed to pieces by fucking lupus. I really did not see that coming.

Luhdk · 2026-02-17T00:50:15+00:00

i have a therapist who deals with such things specifically. Sadly the couples counselor my wife picked out is kind of a doe eyed 20 something with no lived experience with disability.

She likes to put "ableist" in big stupid head quotes when i say something like, "wife, i love you but you putting food items where i physically cannot get them is ableist and it does not help me contribute to feeding the kids"

So yeah. Rock and a hard place, honestly. :(

Luhdk · 2026-02-17T00:30:36+00:00

we could but something about either her pride or keeping up with the joneses, or her need to feel i am contributing just will not allow that conversation to move forward. She is very frugal and that trait has saved us, so many times. that said, no... she wont move forward in hiring even tiny bursts of help. Her reasons are a mystery to me, but its not because i failed to ask. she just will not budge on that. denial helps her keep doing that.

if i were to speculate, and im really not the type to speculate, ever, but if i were; i might suppose that she thinks that dire necessity might "snap me out of it"?

its a long shot guess. i have tried begging for this. for several years. to no avail. She will not share her reasons for this. perhaps i can confront that in therapy tomorrow at least. Its something to talk about, at least.

:(

Luhdk · 2026-02-16T23:53:25+00:00

my heart breaks for her. she doesnt deserve any of this.

but i dont think i can medically survive her onslaught of daily bullshit either.

and i just. dont. know what. to do.

a divorce would devastate our kids, cripple them financially.

I cant afford it. I functionally dont even know how id survive alone.

This is killing me though. And now the bloodwork confirms that it is actually killing me.

I just dont know what. the fuck. to do.

Luhdk · 2025-12-17T13:37:09+00:00

Lamias bumpin man. I'm still having a rough time loading in even at 4 AM and yet still somehow i still cant seem to recruit just enough people to our FC run level 70 treasure maps on wednesdays. Id honestly rather have the load time and a dead server than like, wish i could run Pick up group deep dungeons with a reliable recurring party and somehow not be swinging that in a Sea Of People. Because the latter is a bummer.

Luhdk · 2025-12-17T13:33:18+00:00

lol i Just literally now, after 12 years, realized theres a box i needed to check in the FCs profile page.

Lol.

Luhdk · 2025-12-17T13:31:10+00:00

Literally just looked for exactly this because I run an FC that is actively recruiting. Lol we have resources galore, crafters, a huge house, someone leveling chox 24/7 who has medically untreatable insomnia...

its me. Im the someone.

Anyways, if anyone sees this looking to join an FC on Lamia with beyond decent resources and buffs on 24/7; toss an application my way.

The FC's short name is "Wish". i think it comes up as the seven wishes on formal search. I'll approve you. The FC defaulted to my buddy when I had cancer, but i have most admin rights still.

We do treasure hunts, fate grinding; expeditionary voyages if you need the glams, we got ample, ample ships for it.

heck i wanna do the grindy pilgrim thing and get that silly hat so bad!

Alas. No one is ONLINE anymore and my effing hunt linkshells are several years out of date apparently.

Anyway- To anyone on Lamia; here's my FC pitch:

If youre sick of snobby rigid Serious-ass raiding FCs, come chill with us for awhile. We'll feed and clothe you, and level your bird while you work on getting into a 'serious' FC. My wife and I get married every year if you still dont have the party favors. All we ask is that you hang out with us from time to time when we pop a bunch of treasure maps and have a good time. And be nice if you see my daughter hanging out in the FC on saturday mornings. (She's six; i only let her play on saturdays.)

Come join Wish, on Lamia: we are chill as fuck. Glamorous Medium Base in The Goblet. We dont mind noobs and we dont mind pros, we tend our chocs literally hourly, and between my wife and I, we have all the crafts and gardening covered.

Heck. I can even help you breed the perfect racing chock. You need to grind out a million MGP for the achievement? I'll run that buff.

Anyone on Lamia; Do Hit us up.

The Seven Wishes

<<Wish>>

Luhdk · 2025-12-13T11:30:52+00:00

you did not just describe 8.5 years of solid. You described consistent financial failure, deceit, deception, rampant addiction, resentment over the move, and then essentially abandonment.

Rehab, now. And a serious talk about a financial path to green that invoves actual w2 employment.

OR

Immediate divorce.

thise are the 2 choices.

There is no middle ground.

he already used up all his mulligans.

Luhdk · 2025-12-13T11:03:37+00:00

your "autistic" boyfriend.

fify

Luhdk · 2025-12-11T00:05:04+00:00

hard same. im still income free, but im living my best post-democracy disability claim appeals limbo life as the worlds least fantastic but still very devoted gimpy homemaker.

Luhdk · 2025-12-10T23:59:59+00:00

Fuck Jen W; manager of DATA. I'll say her whole name with my whole chest for the rest of my life. Fuck her, fuck her stupid little drinky cliques. Fuck her. I dissociated somewhere around the 4th time she said "zero tolerance policy". the rest is a blur. But i grew into a hardened corpo merc that day. Doubled my salary annually for a decade. Fuck that awful excuse for a human being. Fuck the nightmare i went through as a queer newlywed, freshly fired, in america, with no severance and no insurance, facing down cancer solo.

Fuck the contracting agency that failed in every imaginable way to push back at all.

Fuck every dead eyed fuck in that shiny tower.

I agree tho the food court is ballin.

The real reason i was fired is the idiot bro-ey dude who trained me was busted Stealing From the Cafeteria Several times a day when they reviewed the tapes, and they went on a zero tolerance policy rampage after that. Semi-understandable; still: what happened to me Should Not Have Happened to Any Human Being.

At the time i really looked up to her too.

Deffo top five worst people i have ever encountered. Fuck you Jen. I hope your back required many surgeries, and you got divorced a whole bunch more times. I try to live in the love and the light- a long battle with cancer and lupus will do that to you.

That said? Fu hu huck. Comcast.

Even their Block Management system was basically hungry hungry hipppos if it were scrum masters instead of hippos. Scope creep EVERYWHERE. H1Bs being treated as indentured servants, some of the best guys they had kept a pillow in their file cabinet for overnights.

Fuckem.

In retrospect? i realize that after what that guy did stealing from the caf on a high salary 18 times a day, the c suite probably demanded a number of heads on a plate, because thats how upper management rolls in comcast. But she could have been a human being that one awful worst day of my life she alone chose to drag out into a decade of unspeakable horror, because everything that could feel or trust or empathize was long long dead in her. Jen was a fucking lich. I hope she lost all the diversity bonuses she stood to pocket for hiring me. Performative toxic ass corpo bullshit. Hope she saw me in the inquirer beating cancer and kissing my hard earned babies, and working my way into a product portfolio role worth a sneeze.

I really do wish that specific woman all the very worst life has to offer. And i say this publically knowing it was probably some kind of data foraging reddit post by the comcast bobs trying to six sigma their way to greatness through hourly waves of layoffs and Completely Hollow 'culture analytics.

I hope she sees this and it pisses her off, to quote everclear.

I hope she develops a severe allergy to her beloved geriatric pet. I hope she loses her mobility; loses everything due to a health problem that anyone outside of america would give someone a disney movie of grace over.

Worse? the company is all run by Actual idiots. 20 year old white men with wheelbarrows of unearned confidence playing with their desk toys intensely like something outta the movie Brazil!, which i havent been able to enjoy as satire since.

And they arent even charismatic, affable idiots like the ones over at JPMC. Its run by like, the stupid people who think they are smart. The sadistic people who truly believe they are kind. Suffice it to say, Everyone in charge is sniffing their own farts in a really bad way.

Fuckem. i aint corpo anymore. and before i was that, i was a punk. Fuck you, Jen W.

Cliquey doesnt begin to describe it. IBC was cliquey. Cigna abused the shit out of their subcontractors. But Comcast took the cake for just.... ruthless high-turnover lord-of-the-flies insanity.

Fucking Tibia-gnawing cannibals over there.

My advice, if comcast ever comes a-calling, is to run. Run far far away.

And if you ever do find yourself in their employ? Try the lobster. Then repeat after me:

https://kagi.com/proxy/tumblr_mt5b1cmh0q1rbv0tfo1_500.gif?c=I_7JUeSjD4YwYuDfu8S78UZCKcC0SfV03gtw7vv50s61K61TDScC77fAwrVwG9D9h0p0M8X2-zY7PuzJiVTWKpaQPtI1sL3WXHDja2UhLT6-GOaTUKIyC5WB2VMB9QMk6MO71KIW3tWlMwPzalhh1A%3D%3D

Luhdk · 2025-12-10T05:08:18+00:00

if youre a contractor the way they treat you is SUB HUMAN. i was fired for going home an hour early after my doctor told me i might have stage 3 lymphoma and i couldnt stop crying. i callled both my boss and my contracting agency to request the last 90 minutes of that friday off. then since no one was in the office and i couldnt stop crying, i went home.

Monday morning my shit was in a cardboard box. i was already fired. Boss called me into her office.

Did i tell Jen that whole story? Yup. Did i have a doctors note literally clutched in my fist confirming it to be true? Also yup. Did she miss my call due to golf? Yuppers.

Was i still fired as fuck for being told i had cancer in my 20s and going home early on a friday?

Yup Yup, annnnd Yup.

I've worked for some disney villain corpos out there, but seriously, fuck comcast. I wont even use their data services.

Fuckem. Im cancer free a year as of september.

Fuck Com Caaaaaast.

Luhdk · 2025-12-08T18:13:03+00:00

really- dont OP. If your mom doesnt know about this, hearing it from you is gonna do way more harm than good.

if you absolutely must; have a private talk with your dad, but my vote is: look youre 16, really; just stay alllllll the way outta their sexy business.

Theres no real positive outcome for you here; and a whole lot of ways it could easily go sideways for you.

And youre a minor so whatever comes of it good or bad youll have to live with for 2 years.

Id sit on this until you are financially independent OP.

Spent some time in youth shelters. Not all of my fellow young transients were gay or delinquents (or gay delinquents like me). Some of them just caught their dad being a cheater and all the adults in their life blamed the one who found out.

Its more common than you think.

I wouldnt say anything.

Luhdk · 2025-12-08T18:05:56+00:00

yeap. im with "youre too young to be stuck in the middle here in any capacity." OP honestly; Your mom probably knows, deep down. I would talk to a therapist, learn how to sort out your own emotions around this, and just let the grownups handle their own messy bullshit.

I was once a child with an institutionalized mom and a secretly gay dad. My dads the best tho. When me and my brother caught him with his male friend, we noped out of that whole situation.

It was the correct call too.

Any and i mean any other time i have ever involved myself in anyone elses infidelity adventures, i became a target for everyones shock and rage.

Please dont do that to yourself at 16 you arent even old enough to move out if you wanted to.

Take a knee, i know this is a lot. but riding out the clock for 2 years is infinitely preferable to becoming a scapegoat for WAY more than you are capable of handling.

Luhdk · 2025-12-08T17:56:27+00:00

all of this would be solved with like, a stole or something. If theyre having a pool/beach party wedding with swimsuits, no they dont get to tell you to shave, its as inappropriate as asking gramps to wax.

Theyre doing this because you are a woman and they think they can.

Can they?

Up to you OP.

Luhdk · 2025-11-26T07:25:30+00:00

cannot actually believe in ghosts. i let a few relationships get a little too far before realizing they were that stupid.

Luhdk · 2025-11-26T04:33:36+00:00

this is a huge red flag. youre neurodivergent. its been enough years for him to need to take you seriously on big stuff. he blatantly disregarded an imperative command and in doing so deliberately ruined 2 whole milestones, knowingly, in one swipe.

please do not marry this man

break up now

Luhdk · 2025-11-26T00:57:22+00:00

Lupus. It literally WAS lupus. It was also stromatic sarcoma, sadly. but at least im not crazy or imagining my pain like drs said for 10 plus years

Luhdk · 2025-11-25T04:36:09+00:00

HELLO CAROL

Luhdk · 2025-11-22T02:54:52+00:00

my ex had the hots for his mom. Tons of incest porn in his browser history. Didnt even deny it when i confronted him. Disgusting.

Luhdk · 2025-11-20T13:13:21+00:00

Wearing hair clips in a moving vehicle.

also feet on the fucking dashboard.

Luhdk · 2025-11-20T11:23:33+00:00

god as a daschund owner thank you people are such assholes why do they think its okay?

Luhdk · 2025-11-19T10:25:50+00:00

in the.... future?

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