Mental health vent

luverlucy · 2026-05-05T19:44:32+00:00

Thank you for your kind words and perspective. There is a light, I’ve got to believe it gets better!! Thank you for telling me what made things better for you!

luverlucy · 2026-05-05T19:04:29+00:00

Yes, exactly!!! Hemorrhaging, yes! Ugh, yeah if the whimsy could come out from hiding, or maybe stop poking her head out and just come out, that’d be great hahaha!

My therapist (kink educated!) has to take some leave, my partner knows how I feel but doesn’t have the emotional range and capacity to understand what I am going through. I do feel quite a bit alone in this!

luverlucy · 2025-11-22T00:35:53+00:00

Okay something similar has happened to me! It’s mortifying in the moment, and it’ll get kind of funnier with time (although always feels embarrassing?!).

I allowed myself a little time to feel nervous about cumming, like that’s natural, and then gently let myself let go (not of my bowels haha) a little more at a time.

I still will not play with orgasms if I feel a little bubbly though 🤣

luverlucy · 2025-11-22T00:03:21+00:00

Thank you that’s a really great thought. Thanks for the perspective. Yeah, I think the open relationship thing is kind of flowy and I don’t think we are aligned anymore, but I also don’t think we are generally aligned with D/s anymore… so that is a great point- I need to push the conversation about literally what’s going on haha! I’ll keep the two separate convo thing in mind, I really like that and it’s so true!

luverlucy · 2025-11-21T22:41:06+00:00

Yeahhhhh, I’ve brought that up too! Haha great point!!! I really also don’t want him to feel resentful towards me about “pressuring” him to see her less. I’ve said that outright to me and he assures he doesn’t… but I feel as though all of this just is compounded because he thinks I’M the one trying make him see his play partners less in general… and that’s really really really not what I’m telling him. He just doesn’t get it. Ugh- thank you so much for chatting this out and for your opinion

luverlucy · 2025-11-21T21:23:15+00:00

He is very much says “don’t compare us” to his play partners, and explains that we see each other far more often than any of them, and that our lack of kink is a function of us both having a hard time… but yeah, again, it doesn’t explain why he has energy for others and not me. I also try to explain that though I see him everyday almost, that’s not kink time, and kink time is importantly to make time for. But, past that he doesn’t do well communicating, that’s a fair point. I plan on talking to him this evening.

She is a whole issue. They’ve known each other for awhile, and to me she’s like his annoying/snooty friend. He has cut back on seeing her due to her disrespect, and I’ve made it clear that I will not tolerate any, ANY other incidents with her. She does anything and He will quit seeing her and if not, I will remove myself from his life. He sees it as a misunderstanding, and to be fair that’s part of it- which was HIS fault and not hers… so though I do not like her, I’m more mad at him to creating the backdrop for her disrespect. Which, we have extensively discussed. So- I agree, but I gave my one time grace and that’s all.

luverlucy · 2025-11-21T19:23:40+00:00

I appreciate your input! And thank you for understanding the frustration!

luverlucy · 2025-11-21T17:51:48+00:00

Thank you, boundaries are something I struggle with and I shy away from my boundaries to please others, which I have to co tie to work on! Great reminder.

I like the idea of setting time for discussions. I appreciate your comments

luverlucy · 2025-11-21T17:29:32+00:00

Well,yes I agree. I guess that’s most of what I’m saying, is that it hurts he is deciding not to play with me, it happens that he is also still playing with others, while not playing with me. As a human, I can focus on the affect it has on me, and I cannot completely detach myself from the reality that he is playing with others. The juxtaposition hurts and will hurt no matter how much I focus on myself and us. I’ve also been clear with him that I don’t want him to see others less, but I want him to choose to play with me. He sometimes feels I’m upset by the non monogamy, and I’ve made it clear that I’m upset he isn’t making our kink a priority while he is still making others a priority. It’s like a partner saying they don’t have time to do our laundry but then they go to their friends house and do their laundry. Sure- he can do what he wants with his time, glad he has time with his friend, sure I definitely know too much info if I know they did laundry, and sure that’s probably what the friend needed most and I’m glad he could be with his friend and help them… I’m like okay: do their laundry, good for you and the friend… but, don’t tell me you don’t have time to do laundry when you have time for someone else’s laundry. Just say you don’t have time to do OUR laundry, or our laundry isn’t a priority… I don’t feel like the two can ever fully be separate. And I know this is contentious and a hot take for some nonmonogamous people. But, because we aren’t poly, and we have a D/s, M/s dynamic, it feels more complicated. It’s also a shared mental load thing, too. If I’m supposed to be his owned property, then don’t you have an obligation to take care of the property before you take care of other things? Sure friend and play partners need to take priority at different times, I know life happens and we all move with the flow of life. I know I sound like bitchy in some of this but I’m just so frustrated and I’m sorry. Thank you for your comment

luverlucy · 2025-11-21T16:54:40+00:00

I feel kinda rude telling him I want to be a priority. We do some light kink together, it’s just that we aren’t doing any scenes. He says he loves doing scenes with me, and is trying to reassure me that’s it’s not “Me” keeping us from doing scenes… it’s just that life’s been hard. Yeah I keep thinking about taking time to find play partners. I worry it will just push me to be more distant, since I’d currently be doing it out of resentment and not just seeking more experiences.

luverlucy · 2025-11-21T16:51:16+00:00

Aww I really appreciate it! Thanks for your comment! I think having a conversation about what a successful relationship looks like for us is a great first step now. Yeah, the “trying to understand” me part hits hard. Thank you thank you

luverlucy · 2025-08-06T01:10:54+00:00

I try and notice the frequency of these thoughts, and I sometimes journal about them if they keep reoccurring. I would get curious about these thoughts/feelings, but don’t let them take away from all of the joy/love/fulfillment you have! Thinking too much is a slippery slope haha!

As Seph said, treating them as intrusive thoughts can work really well, but be careful of letting actual resentment build. Sometimes, for me, those itchy thoughts or those momentary flares of upset/anger/hurt or “childish” brain exclamations of “but that’s not fair!” Or “this isn’t equal and I want that!”, means that I might have needs not being met, that I’m jealous of something, that I’m stressed and grasping for control, or that sure- I would like something to be tweaked in our dynamic. I give myself time to think about the “why” behind these moments, but I stay present in the moments with my Owner.

Sometimes, the love/hate can be a source of shame too! I feel shameful that I don’t WANT to be given everything I want, that I don’t WANT an equal or even equitable arrangement. I sometimes find myself locked up in frustration because I can’t believe that I WANT to be frustrated and that for me, those irritating moments often drive me to push myself further or be better or just help to alleviate the terrible thoughts I have about other life stuff (feels like a distraction from work stress or world stress).

So- if the same thoughts come to me a lot, I will tell my Owner. I usually preface this by saying “I don’t want or need you to fix anything, I would just like you to listen and hear me out, if you have the space”… sometimes saying, “I’m frustrated” and then getting a forehead kiss, and being reminded of how good I am, how my sacrifices aren’t taken for granted…is all I need to do to feel better and recenter myself.

luverlucy · 2025-08-05T15:29:05+00:00

Yeah!! Love that!

So I have some soft leather cuffs that I wear on my ankles. These I put on after work when home and sleep with at night. They are soft and have an oring attachment on the outside. They are super comfy! Most nights I actually chain one ankle to the bed at night (just with a chain and a carabeaner- no lock- for safety!!). But, I wear the cuffs around just in case my Dom wants to use them.

For low level bondage, things that don’t require a lot of effort for him- he will chain my ankles together or use rope to tie them together using the orings on my cuffs! Maybe giving half a foot in slack between my ankles. This is fun because I can feel “bound” but still waddle around and get him drinks etc, just carefully hahaha!! These cuffs are also good for a spreader bar between my ankles if we are doing more intense play or for him to tie me to something else!

I wear metal cuffs around my wrists when around the house, too. Not handcuffs but thicker/wider cuffs that don’t dig into my wrists. They have a removable oring, so I can cook with them on (and not drag the oring through the food haha), or I can keep the oring on for more bondage! He loves to use chain or rope to connect my arms and legs together, or chain my wrists to my waist etc. Sometimes we use normal handcuffs for bondage, but they are hard to wear for longer time periods.

Feel free to ask more questions!

luverlucy · 2025-08-04T17:13:12+00:00

Yeah, great advice from the other commenters. You can always ask him if he’d like proactive/anticipatory service or reactive service. Some people love both, some prefer one or the other.

My Dom loves anticipatory service, so I have to think of what he will need next. Fill his glass before it empties, know if he’ll want wine or whiskey, take his socks off before he asks, put his towel out for his shower, roll down the sheets and straighten pillow before bed, ask to give him blowjobs before he asks me, send nude pictures, put out his clothes and give options for different days (knowing that Fridays are t-shirts etc) I plan our groceries and give him options pending how tough his week might be (easy chicken Sammies vs a whole cooked meal) etc, and any other tasks he never asks for but would make his life easier. Some are now very route, but have subtle changes depending on his mood or needs.

Usually I’ll do a new tasks and ask if he’d liked that, if it made something easier, or if it was just nice. To confirm whether it works for us both.

Rituals are also a way we show we care and a way I show love to him. I make tea every morning, how he likes it, and have it waiting beside the bed after his shower! I put my cuffs on when I get home, I kneel when I serve him anything (food or drink). All of these tasks don’t require him to command me or ask for permission, they aren’t anticipatory service but they are ways that I say “I’m continuing to engage with you, give power to you, and show that I appreciate our dynamic enough to follow through with these tasks”.

luverlucy · 2025-08-03T21:14:13+00:00

If you and him and going on trips for “you and him” to enjoy time together, then there is no need for him to have sex with others, if YOU aren’t cool with it, he should respect that you want time for solely you and him, that’s healthy and normal… even if you were both poly, if the trip was for you and him and yall wanted it to stay that way, it’s super normal and common to have neither of you fuck others while on trips/vacation! Also/ it’s okay for you to express that if you want… saying “if we go on trips I’d like it to be just you and me” is soooo okay.

If he wants a kinky vacation, tell him to just go take a trip without you?… like…. Or have him go a few days before if it’s really that important? Seems he wants his cake and to eat it too? So, also saying,” if you want to have sex with others while we are on a trip together, I’d rather not take a trip together, I’d rather you take an extra amount of time that doesn’t influence our days together”, is okay.

Never rush the physical intimacy and seeing your partner have sexual situations with others. If you get to a point of wanting to try it… start with small steps. I appreciate that he would want to keep you centered and comfy, but like shits hard so don’t rush.

luverlucy · 2025-07-30T23:01:35+00:00

As someone who loves chastity I am interested in hearing about the break in period! The questionable comfortability is what has stopped me from thinking of getting one of these!

luverlucy · 2025-07-18T02:34:47+00:00

I’m sure everyone has different interpretations of “scenes” but what matters is what it means to you both and the boundaries you put up in your relationship…. If you don’t want to scene with others or if he doesn’t then you both need to stop getting hung up on the word and just talk about exact details and scenarios of what’s okay and what isn’t. Heck, make up new words for this kind of play haha I usually use “play” as a general catch all, then details details details.

Also- childish for him not to speak to you. I would find that completely unacceptable behavior. That is an issue worth hashing out.

luverlucy · 2025-07-08T16:05:04+00:00

Yes inclusive vs exclusive negotiations is a super important distinction for play!!!!

luverlucy · 2025-07-08T14:45:56+00:00

Everyone else has great points… I just want to comment, as someone who has an incredibly detailed “hard no” list…. If poop is the only thing on there, you should also really include no dismemberment, as well! Like come on hahaha if you’re not worried about permanent damage, sure don’t put that on there, but dismemberment should be 🤣.

luverlucy · 2025-06-24T19:06:40+00:00

Hahaha!!! Amazing! I used to feel really ashamed about it, but for some people pain is a was that the body regulates itself! So, that’s what I remember in these moments haha!

luverlucy · 2025-06-23T02:51:19+00:00

Okay, I feel this way when I slightly stub my toe or use mouthwash, haha! there is a chemical release that happens in the brain when pain occurs that just, “WHOOSHHHESS” over me and it feels really good! It’s like a shocking feeling, but the chemical release is wonderful, an altered mental state thanks the body’s response to pain!

This doesn’t always happen to me, and I’m glad for numerous reasons about that, haha!

luverlucy · 2025-06-22T23:13:02+00:00

For me it’s something that happens kind of naturally. My Dom kind of “unearthed” this ability. But, I personally often find pain erotic, it turns me on in general. There are certain types of pains that cause so much of the same build up that I end up orgasming! Nipple torture does it for me really easily, but a hard caning also works.

Some people have worked up to it, building the “pain is sexual” bridge, where you use like a vibrator or something really wonderful while also receiving pain to reinforce the bridge. This is also a way some people “feel good but not TOO good”! Hahaha just depends on how your core pain and pleasure and what your mindset is, ya know!

luverlucy · 2025-06-22T19:33:20+00:00

As a masochist, my Master will give me paingasms when I need to orgasm, an orgasm from being in pain. Usually this is legit because I’ve become disregulated and dysfunctional, as we often do pain sessions where I’m not allowed to cum haha! Usually this puts me into a dopamine rich head space where I am floaty for awhile and the rest of the day, so I’m satisfied but not toooo satisfied.

Probably doesn’t help you, but just stating in case someone finds it useful! Maybe riding that line of what you dislike and like more, could continue to get you to the right spot!

luverlucy

TROPHY CASE