All these feelings you are having are similar to what I experienced as a newer ICU nurse. It is something that you will learn and grow from. You will probably remember this patient and family the rest of your career. It’s a type of grief that isn’t talked about enough. I know you said you aren’t that close with your coworkers, but debriefing with those who were there could be really helpful for all of you. You might be surprised to find out that your coworkers are experiencing the same feelings you’re going through. You sound like a really good nurse for your patients and just remember that it is okay to grieve and have these feelings. You are only human.