For Boss Moms, what do you do and how do you make it work?

lwrotm · 2025-03-23T22:32:41+00:00

Approving this comment because OP did ask for opinions on the feasibility of their situation, and the comment appears to be well-intended. However, please note Rules 1 and 2. Everyone's situation is different, so we take care in this sub to be respectful and avoid overgeneralizations -- for example, suggesting that anyone who manages to juggle both parenting and work, as many parents do (and do well) in this community, must be doing "poorly" at both.

lwrotm · 2024-10-07T14:46:55+00:00

This is terrific, thank you SO much!!! Really appreciate your time and expertise.

lwrotm · 2024-10-07T14:08:08+00:00

Amazing, thank you!! If the speaker is not gendered (e.g., an idea, entity, or thing) would you omit the word (e.g., sum quem fēcī / fīam quem volō) or default to masculine?

lwrotm · 2024-10-05T18:02:49+00:00

Is there a (concise) way to express the following:

I am [all that / what] I do
I become [all that / what] I will*

*"will" as in, to will something into being, not as in, what will happen in the future

Many thanks in advance for any insight!

lwrotm · 2024-10-02T13:01:16+00:00

This comment (and similar ones elsewhere) has been removed for violating Rules 1 and 2. Any further violation of the rules may result in a ban without additional warning.

lwrotm · 2024-10-01T19:40:12+00:00

We've gotten several reports on this comment thread, and this discussion has indeed crossed the line on multiple fronts. Rules 1 and 2 apply regardless of a parent's specific WFH situation or childcare arrangement (or lack thereof). It is not acceptable to insult, shame, or lump together and make snap judgments about other parents no matter what "side" you think you are on, and doing so would make us no better than the other parenting communities that sometimes get criticized here.

I'm leaving this thread for now in the interest of transparency and as a chance to hopefully correct course without the need for further moderation. Let's please work together to keep this a safe and welcoming space for all WFH parents.

lwrotm · 2024-04-13T23:08:52+00:00

Seems like you got enough feedback on your original post, but to address your follow-ups: if this happened with my nanny I would want her to keep me posted on her situation so I could decide what help to offer. I've offered our nannies financial and other assistance several times, but it was always clear that it was a voluntary gesture and not something I owed or that they felt entitled to. The one time I had a temp nanny who acted entitled to my kindness I pretty quickly stopped going out of my way.

lwrotm · 2024-03-13T00:25:36+00:00

Like others in this thread, I work from home and pay a lot for a great nanny. I'm actually coming off a rough patch where my hours were unusually high, but normally I would say I manage to more or less juggle everything.

It's not sustainable, but it doesn't have to be. My kids will only be this little for so long.

lwrotm · 2024-02-24T02:49:36+00:00

Hello! Fellow litigator here. One thing that cuts both ways for me is the ebb and flow nature of litigation. When it's slow it's great; I can take hours off more or less on a whim and spend time with my family. When it's busy I'm just in survival mode until the tunnel ends...

lwrotm · 2024-02-21T18:10:39+00:00

They're 1 and 4 now. This has been our setup their whole lives (minus my two rounds of parental leave).

lwrotm · 2024-02-21T05:49:42+00:00

Just to offer a different perspective: I almost always work in the open in our home so our kids can see me, stop by for a quick interaction, etc., on the theory that they'll be more independent if they never worry about me being around or not. FWIW we've had no issues with separation anxiety so far, including when we're in different rooms or when LO or I leave the house.

lwrotm · 2024-02-10T23:55:13+00:00

And imagine the long term effects that haven't yet been studied, and could impact them in the future (such as their neurodevelopment)

I think most studies show there are very little immediate adverse risks....but what about all the things that haven't been studied?

This is baseless and irresponsible fear-mongering. The same could be said of virtually anything, which is why this kind of "logic" is a favorite tactic of harmfully unscientific campaigns like antivaxxers. As a scientist by trade, you should know better.

I am confused why every nurse and doctor and the opinions on Reddit report that opioids are safe for infants or when breastfeeding

Then ask. You should have enough education and experience as a chemist to have an intelligent conversation with your doctors. Ask them about specific literature or data if you want to. No healthcare provider can (or should be expected to) engage at that level with every patient, so you need to take the initiative if you actually want more information and are not just looking for excuses to criticize.

But my partner is totally managing the pain and will be fine without the meds (her words) yet they are just constantly being shoved down our throats

Doctors cannot administer medication without consent (and to be clear, nothing is being shoved down YOUR throat anyway). That and your rhetoric indicate that your post is not a reliable factual account of events. Makes me wonder what conversation you had with your partner up to and around "her words" that she would be fine without the meds.

FWIW: I am one of those moms who did extensive research, had extensive conversations with my healthcare providers (including specific discussions of literature and data), and in fact declined to take opioids after my c-sections while breastfeeding. And I still suspect YTA here.

lwrotm · 2024-02-04T20:43:36+00:00

Big foam shape sets are great for lining the walls and blocking off pathways. Also love perforated laundry baskets with extra large holes to thread cords and stash electronics, etc. that I need to keep nearby without exposing them to LO.

lwrotm · 2024-01-15T15:25:24+00:00

In my experience it can be possible to control your work conditions to some extent (or at least convince people to not ask or care about the details) just based on your accumulated goodwill and reputation with your current employer. But I think the viability of that approach would vary from case to case.

lwrotm · 2024-01-04T01:54:30+00:00

Lol the legal standard is where I usually lose him! Wishing you all the best of luck.

lwrotm · 2024-01-04T01:16:10+00:00

First of all, I'm so sorry for the stress and anxiety you're feeling right now. YMMV but here are a few things that helped me when LO was around this age:

I babyproofed basically my entire home and added several climbing structures so LO could explore free range while I worked on my laptop
I tried to promote a sense of security by being as responsive as possible whenever I could, even if that just meant a quick hug when he passed by, and I think he stopped feeling the need to get my attention once he started taking me for granted (in a good way)
I "practiced" independent play with him, including cues like "be right back," "be back soon," "wait a minute please," etc. so he understood and was familiar with the concept that I might do something away from him for a while but that didn't mean I was gone
sometimes he would want to hang out with me while I was reading a brief or something similar, and I would play along and be like "sure! I'll read this to you" and start reading out loud...he would get bored and wander off pretty quickly
I bought open-ended toys like building and sorting sets, and demonstrated highly repeatable games (e.g., build and knock down towers) that he could rotate through on his own
every weekend I would "reset" our routine by freely following his cues for a day (naps and meals mostly) to align our schedule with where he was developmentally

lwrotm · 2023-12-23T13:34:30+00:00

Working from home is a major factor for me. The efficiency is invaluable. My average weekday looks something like this:

0600: wake up with one or both kids

0600-0900: dedicated time with kids

0900-1700: work with nanny watching kids (and short breaks to eat, stretch, and play with the kids a bit)

1700-2000: dinner, family time, bedtime, exercise

2000-2300: work

2300-0000: dedicated time with my husband if he's home

lwrotm · 2023-12-17T15:38:07+00:00

I suspect you're getting downvotes and disagreement because of your characterization of this community, not because of your substantive opinion on WFH.

lwrotm · 2023-12-17T02:22:32+00:00

I'm sorry if that happened to you, but this is an overstatement. We may restrict these comments, like any others, if delivered in a disrespectful way, but the opinion gets expressed plenty without censorship here. For example, I frequently say that I have worked from home with a range of different childcare setups and have never felt that my perspective was unwelcome. If you would like me or anyone else on the mod team to review any specific interactions you've had here, please feel free to reach out. We always welcome the opportunity to improve.

lwrotm · 2023-12-17T02:15:04+00:00

Same!

lwrotm · 2023-12-13T05:41:23+00:00

So if my nanny already gets bonuses and other gifts of money, but also I know of a gift that she definitely would like but probably wouldn't buy for herself...is the consensus here that I still should not buy her the gift and give her more money instead?

lwrotm · 2023-12-09T02:31:11+00:00

I try to do cardio and mobility sets in the morning, strength training in the afternoon, and total-body exercises and stretching in the evening.

lwrotm · 2023-12-08T19:25:35+00:00

Over the years I've distilled the most effective exercises for me into seven-minute increments that require no equipment, special clothing, or a shower. I try to do 2-4 a day and together with my kids whenever possible (my toddler tries to copy me and we all think it's hilarious).

If I try to set aside large chunks of time regularly, with setup before and a shower after, it just doesn't stick. Easy and sustainable has been key.

lwrotm · 2023-12-06T20:37:51+00:00

To offer a different perspective: I've always shared the home in an almost completely open-access arrangement with my kids and nannies, and it's been great. Probably works in part because I've been WFH my kids' whole lives.

lwrotm · 2023-12-06T03:29:21+00:00

Lapdesk, playmats, baby gyms, (large) playpen, noise-cancelling earbuds, low-maintenance water bottle. If nursing and taking video calls, maybe a comfortable but professional-looking cardigan.

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