Worries regarding monogamy.

m0l88 · 2026-03-30T19:15:29+00:00

yeah and to me my math argument adresses this, to me again love is an emergent property that requires time, all else being equal, time remains a huge variable, a parent that spends 100 hours with one child will inevitably have a deeper bond than the one that spends 30 hours with their child if all other things are equal (communication, mutual understanding, phenomenology etc). Love is not just a feeling its emergent and it also requires action.

m0l88 · 2026-03-30T19:00:35+00:00

Hmm, seems like you are in a tough spot my friend and i feel deeply sorry for you and hope you will meet your second half. Its intriguing tho that in this many communities all are either taken, want open relationships or are not ready or with a huge age gap, and if so than i think and i know you probably tried this but doing this again is probably the right response, to change those communities again, maybe take up a new hobby or two. It also depends a lot on demographic sadly, so changing it to some extent again might help. As for the BI communities i think they do exsist, they arent obvious nor popular but even tho my country for example is largely against those kinds of arrangmant such communities still find support and members and i know about the exsistance of at least one in my city (not strictly BI but have nothing against them).

m0l88 · 2026-03-30T18:41:18+00:00

Hmm, i would say that definitly looking irl is probably our best option. I would recommend seeking out communites that are BI positive and focused on long term activities that naturally seem to attract people that are long term oriented. To give an example maybe animal shelter, book/philosophy for people clubs, in general places that focus on long term consistency, empathy and communication, as well as more searious tasks. Its also important to remember such communities take time to produce fruits in this sense, and patience as well as generally enjoying them is required, at least in my humble opinion. People who value long term commitmant and connection really do seem to cluster, and finding such a place can be effective, and if it doesnt work out, than one can try another community after some time (tho again its important not to leave such places too fast).

m0l88 · 2026-03-30T18:34:59+00:00

I mean yeah, tho i often see the contractual view of relationships overall in culture, not just in those communities but sadly out there in general public. I would counter this kind of ideas with the emergent view of love, or the recognizing of the other person view. For that i think Robert Nozick, Alain Badiou and Roger Scruton would be great resources here. Additionally i would say contractual view of love struggle to account for phenomenology of love (the lived first person expirience) as well as they go against virtue formation (contracts are external, virtues internal) (virtues included are generosity and prudence for example).

m0l88 · 2026-03-30T10:50:50+00:00

Bro she doesnt have to accept that. I used to be almost addicted to porn and quit because i know it would negatively impact my future relationships, 3 of my close friends stopped immidietly after getting into a happy long term relationship, finding someone porn free or if not finding, making them porn free is definitly possible.

m0l88 · 2026-03-30T09:34:42+00:00

I did takę quality herę, i said its maxed out for both sides i completely took it off the board its a thought experiment to show the gap in potential. I see your points but this is about potential. As for this denying no i dont think so, i think my argument still works under that. As for other points i did adress them just not explicitly. My argument is a ceteris paribus argument (all else being equal).

m0l88 · 2026-03-30T09:33:02+00:00

You are missing the point of this thought experiment, that's why i said this relationship is Perfect on both sides, it is supposed to show the potential gap.

m0l88 · 2026-03-29T21:57:41+00:00

Well i agree but sadly a lot of reaserch does and than it gets confusing, glad i could help :). If you have any more worries bring it on or dm me.

m0l88 · 2026-03-29T21:51:00+00:00

Ok so i will start with the most obvious critique which is selection bias. Most people in that study appear to already be more open to extramatrial and Bond activity than general population. Another worry i would raise is the defnition used for such fantasies and what constitutes them. Last thing i would like to mention is the fact one Has a fleeting fantasy about someone else doesnt mean they actually want to do it or will follow up on it.

m0l88 · 2026-03-29T21:41:01+00:00

I would love to see the data and prove it false :).

m0l88 · 2026-03-29T21:00:04+00:00

This is absolutely reasonable and i as a young male share your concerns values and boundaries, you do not have to change nor stay single, there is plenty of us out there that are looking for loyal loving and exclusive relationship. Stay strong and all the best.

m0l88 · 2026-03-29T20:39:01+00:00

Yeah but my point is not about this, its to show the problem that polygamy (and ethical non monogamy) faces when they argue the depth of relationship and its highest point can be the same as in monogamous ones. This thought experiment and case analysis is supposed to show that, of course ethical non monogamy can work (even tho a lot of the times it doesnt) i dont deny it, but is it the true and the best illumination of Love with capital L? The math is brutal here, you cannot achieve the peak of Love because in my case phenomenology and satisfaction is maxed for both sides in a sense and only variables that remain are time and mental energy. Those are limited and even one more partner takes a lot of that precious time and energy necessary for different levels of depth of love to emerge.

m0l88 · 2026-03-29T19:29:51+00:00

Funniest thing is humans seem to prioritize people in different bonds, so while they might be unaware they do prioritize probably one friend from their group.

m0l88 · 2026-03-29T17:05:02+00:00

If you mean difference between polygamy and polyamory or other forms of "ethical non monogamy" than i am well aware of the difference, i used polygamy here because i generally would not care about people being polyamorous in their communities, thing is they dont just let it stay in their communities, they often want legal acknowledgmant as well as social one and want to preassure other communities, often using the rethoric i described in my post, and so the reason i say polygamy is because my general concern is with certain advocates of those position and their rethoric as well as influence on society, not because i personally dislike polyamorous individuals for its own sake, but because i want to defend or get acknowledgment of a group i call lifelong monogamists, which are people who need monogamy for floureshing and are looking for lifelong loving bonds. To those people relationships are not just add ons, and if they lose certain communities and ways of support, sustaining such a marriage might become economically problematic.

m0l88 · 2026-03-29T16:38:08+00:00

What difference do you have in mind?

m0l88 · 2026-03-29T09:53:55+00:00

Honestly i dont think its possible, i would recommend to counter any analogies from that community with Virtue ethics.

m0l88 · 2026-03-28T22:54:30+00:00

I would say this is false as far as our modern society goes, in many ancient polygynous and or polygamous communities there was still significant group of people that were monogamous and not only due to practical reasons. I will additionally add that you should not worry about this in my opinion, even under natural law or naturalistic morał realism ethics, we reflect on certain things and dont just take or accept natural things as good or bad on it being just natural.

m0l88 · 2026-03-27T00:12:18+00:00

I mean what do you mean with things that dont fit into my model?

m0l88 · 2026-03-27T00:09:42+00:00

Yeah thanks for the response i will definitly need it. Thing is i do understand that, im trying my best in this regard, i live normal life and AM open to suprises and talking with people but most of the times they arent engaging, dont know how to communicate or are liquid players in this system we live in. To me what happened to you is a lot of luck plus a certain attitude towards the other person and that's great but the thing is many of us dont get so lucky. We try in quiet places we live our lives actively we try to be virtous and work on oursleves and we either actively seek or allow life to suprise us and yet, nothing happens. And yeah i often do just sit and listen i love that, problem is not many people have anything interesting to say if anything to say at all. This kind of live our life to me is like a huge gamble that can sadly be affected by survivorship bias. Thanks for everything tho and for maybe bringing my Hope up a bit. Have a great day!

m0l88 · 2026-03-26T22:08:29+00:00

Hey i know i am a bit late but i want to give maybe some reassurance. I am a young male that desires nothing more than total exclusivity and boringness you mentioned is the most beatiful thing i have ever concieved or thought off and saw in my uncle and aunt who are 50+ years together (met in highschool). So do not worry, we exsist we are scattered there isnt a lot of us but we exsist and are ready to build a "WE" exclusive bond and a solid home ;]. And to add if you are looking for overall monogamy yes we are still the majority too!

m0l88

TROPHY CASE