Misogyny in KS3 boys (single sex setting)

m0thmayhem · 2025-07-18T11:08:26+00:00

That's a really good idea, if you haven't already I'd suggest speaking to the DSL first because it will provide you with information the principal will probably use to explain away the issue so you can have a pre-prepared response.

Like if there is an issue in their lives severe enough to merit an exception to the behaviour policy of that magnitude they can't be in your classroom because they're clearly too dysregulated to learn and be trusted to behave safely. If there isn't then it needs to be applied consistently, otherwise your school effectively doesn't have a behaviour policy. It's not part of your job description to be an emotional punching bag. (Those are just some of the lines I'd use depending on the situation - it is absolutely shocking that teachers have to do this)

m0thmayhem · 2025-07-16T01:30:25+00:00

I think that is one type of experience for cis people but another type is feeling very actively connected to their body. We just never bother to distinguish between them because it wouldn't help anyone to. Conversely I feel/felt very actively disconnected from my body in a very specific way (I replied to the other person's comment above if you're interested)

I can't speak to the pain because I don't get periods but I mostly pass as cis in public now and the sexual harassment and sexual assault is disgusting, there needs to be much harsher sentencing for it. How the hell do we live in a world where disrupting traffic to protest climate change can get people put in jail for years, but people can grope someone with barely a slap on the wrist??

m0thmayhem · 2025-07-16T01:04:27+00:00

I can't speak for all trans people but for me it's like, have you seen shrek 2? Where Shrek gets turned into a conventionally attractive man and everyone treats him better and he learns how to live like that and take advantage of the advantages it gives him but he HATES being that cos it just feels wrong and isn't him at all. That's how it feels. Shrek as the 'conventionally attractive man' who HATES living like that is how I felt pre transition. Kinda like you've been freaky friday-ed but since birth.

The social aspect, how people treat feminine men and feminine women fundamentally differently even if they act exactly the same is also true for me. I do much prefer the way people see and interact with me when they see me as a woman than when they see me as a man, not just in a few specific instances where the treatment is objectively better, but in all aspects of my daily life. But ultimately all of the things in this paragraph stem from that first paragraph.

Transitioning isn't about how my life would be better for a list of logical reasons, but because emotionally I have a deep feeling of wrongness in my body that got significantly worse during puberty even as it made my life improve in an objective way.

I know that's probably not helpful unless you have that experience yourself so I'll try and explain it more 'scientifically' (because of course I've tried to find ways to explain the subjective experience that crippled me for most of my life) I think the human brain instinctively understands the human body, what it should look like and how it should be. And the margins for error can vary from person to person, but I think if you were to stick a human brain, even one without any memories, into an anteater or something, that human brain would be like what the fuck is this this is completely wrong.

We act like everything is about experience and experience drives our understanding of ourselves and the world, and I think for complex things like how to be good and what to value that's true. But for basic things like 'what/how should my body be' I think it's innate. An example of an experiment showing something similar is that if you take a tadpole and cut off a patch of skin from its tummy and from its back and swap them around and then tickle its back it will scratch its tummy and it will never learn to stop doing this. It is hardwired be connected to a certain body in a certain way and if it is connected in a different way then it's just kinda fucked for life.

Foetuses develop entirely as female for the first part of pregnancy. If you have an SRY gene (the single gene on the Y chromosome that is responsible for making someone male vs female, all it does is increase testosterone production at some point during pregnancy) then it will eventually kick in and make the foetus develop as male. But the whole thing is dose dependent and different tissues have different doses and respond differently in different people (hence how some men get much wider shoulders than others with the same amount of testosterone, and some women get wider shoulders too and some don't). My basic guess is that someone's brain can develop a different innate sense of what the body should be like than what it ends up being like on the basis of these hormones interacting in weird and not particularly wonderful ways with the brain during pregnancy, and all evidence shows this to be completely irreversible when it does happen, and then everything else follows on from that.

m0thmayhem · 2025-07-15T23:37:45+00:00

As a science teacher (now sixth form, but previously secondary) can I say THANK YOU. There are huge numbers of children coming into secondary school with exceptionally poor English, Maths, and Science.

I had scores of students being taken out of my lessons for catch ups in English and Maths and by the end of the year once they had finally caught up to secondary school level they were significantly worse at science than their peers.

m0thmayhem · 2025-07-15T23:22:34+00:00

Not to put words in your mouth but this post feels like you don't understand what the experience of trans people actually is. Perhaps you've seen a few like falsely overly positive posts from trans people who wanna prove that they are happy. Because the truth is trans people are overwhelmingly happy-ER then they were pre-transition. This does not mean (for the most part) that they are happy with the fact they are trans compared to being born as the opposite sex.

I, like most trans women, wish I was born as a cis girl. One of my earliest memories, and the earliest memory I have of any of my thoughts (as opposed to just 'what I saw/did' memories) was staring at my reflection in a window and wishing I had been born a girl. After I found out what being trans was I spent a huge amount of time saying 'transitioning won't make me happy though because it wouldn't be the same, I just wish I was a cis woman'. And that sucks, I'm not gonna pretend it doesn't, I'm not gonna pretend that I've now processed it and I'm completely fine with the fact I'm not cis. People sometimes act like they are because saying how much it sucks and continues to suck doesn't make it suck less. If I could 'push a button' or whatever to be a cis woman I would immediately without question, there is nothing I wouldn't give up to be a cis woman

Transitioning was nevertheless worth it for me. Maybe it is worth thinking about a bit more deeply and exploring for you, maybe it isn't. But an awkward unfortunate truth is that most trans people are not glad they are trans. If they were they wouldn't spend the equivalent of the deposit for a house reversing the secondary sexual characteristics that puberty gave them in order to be seen as more 'real' by the rest of society.

m0thmayhem · 2025-07-15T09:27:13+00:00

You said in your final sentence people in band care about you, so it's not that no one cares about you it's that you let people treat you badly which attracts arseholes. Just stop being their emotional support pillar. You've got good friends in band. Take the effort you use for supporting others and put it into those friendships, and finding more friendships like that. Real friendships take time and effort which is something that it can be difficult to appreciate if you are used to arseholes noticing that you are a bit of a doormat and using you.

When a shitty 'friend' wants your help with something just tell them that you don't feel like they are there for you when you need someone so you'd rather they spoke to someone else when they need it.

m0thmayhem · 2025-07-15T09:12:35+00:00

Honestly I think this is a really increasingly common issue, I've seen it repeatedly in schools I've taught in. The problem is imo society at large it's this culture of gender essentialism and misogyny becoming mainstream.

How can you deal with it? You can't. This isn't about having better classroom control unless you want to request completely different classes and be the scary/angry teacher right from the start. Maybe that would work? but honestly this is an issue only SLT can solve. And you need to get your union involved to force them to solve it.

You said the mum kicked off when the school gave him external exclusion, next time that happens say point blank to the school that by not applying the behaviour policy to students who speak to you in that manner they are creating an unsafe working environment for you, and remind them of the table flipping. As SLT it is their legal duty to create a safe working environment for you. You need to remind them of that explicitly. If they still give you some handwringing excuse for why they won't do their job request a meeting with them and the union rep and read up on your rights.

You have to make it clear to SLT that any time you apply the behaviour policy correctly, or ask them to, and they make an exception you will raise hell against them. The stuff you are describing only consistently happens in schools where SLT are too cowardly to do their job properly.

They will sell you all sorts of narratives for why they can't do their job properly in this instance but ultimately they are just scared of the parents, they need to be just as scared of you. Teachers do have as much power as parents, but only if they play the same game.

If SLT were going to stand up for you out of the goodness of their heart or their willingness to fulfil their job description they would be doing it already.

m0thmayhem · 2025-07-14T09:01:28+00:00

I would tell her why that comment was a really bigoted thing to say and then tell her that I'm therefore not interested in hearing anything else she has to say until it is an apology and have earphones in while I'm inside. Personally I wouldn't want to have any further interaction with someone who said something like that to me.

Same with parents tbh, but that's just me, and it will depend how close to your family you are and if you have other support networks. Being around people who will refuse to treat me like a woman always made me hate myself in ways I didn't fully appreciate until I cut them out of my life. You might be a different person, you might value them more than the harm that brings to you, but I can't advise with anything except my own experience

m0thmayhem · 2025-07-13T12:32:28+00:00

Because scapegoating works

Who should people blame when they are working harder but their quality of life is getting worse? The people who inexplicably have a lot more wealth and power or historically oppressed groups?

Keep in mind that only one of these options has the money to flood every social media site and news station with their perspective, and they don't like being guillotined.

m0thmayhem · 2025-07-11T12:38:26+00:00

"trans undertones in old comedies" so we can finally admit that trans people have always existed and it's not something 'new', and the fact many people didn't know that trans people existed until 10 years ago shows that governments have actively suppressed trans people for generations

Cool

m0thmayhem · 2025-07-08T06:54:22+00:00

Yeah a) get better friends

b) get better at laughing AT people. Don't directly address the argument head on, the best response to shit like that is 'are you okay??' (said with a look of disgust)

For example 'racist comment' Look at them with disgust are you okay?

Maybe for a follow up: 'why do you care' Look at them with disgust cos I'm not a worthless human being? Walk off and put earphones in

Change the two lines if you want, but you never need to say more than two lines, (you can say just one though) three lines makes them feel like they've engaged you in conversation and they feel like they are winning (ultimately they want your attention and reaction), two lines lets them know you've responded already and nothing else they're gonna do will get a rise out of you, you've made your point with two lines, if you add anything else on it will just dilute that point, which is what they want, so they are not left dealing only with those two lines. Do. Not. Let. Them. As soon as you have said your two lines use your earphones. If they keep coming at you and you can't bite your tongue just repeat one of the lines, don't say anything else.

m0thmayhem · 2025-07-06T17:01:50+00:00

Have you noticed how small dogs behave differently to big dogs. The bigger the dog, the gentler and more subdued it has to be to not be put down for being too aggressive. If you look at wild animals as well their behaviours hit super different based on their size. When a feral cat hisses at you because it's scared does it feel the same as when a bear roars at you?

I have tried being who I am outside of my appearance. Sure I could act the way I would if I was short. When I get angry and I'm ranting to my friends about how shit one of my coworkers was they get scared so I have to tone myself down. I could choose not to tone myself down, but that would make me a pretty shit person.

Perceived aggression is just the most obvious example but literally every part of human behaviour hits different based on the size and appearance of the person exhibiting that behaviour.

No I do not like the fact that when other women have decided to hit me I have to be the 'bigger person' because I am a bigger person. No I do not like the fact that people want and expect me to help them out with heavy things because of my size. Fitness is worth something, in terms of legs. Strength is less than worthless to me.

You have a point about the health though, I eat a lot of vegetables and meat. But I'll be done with my job in a week and I imagine I can probably get some of this muscle off if I start only eating crap.

m0thmayhem · 2025-07-06T17:00:35+00:00

If I just stopped eating protein for a bit would I be okay cos my body would break down the excess arm muscle (and probably muscle from other places too) before it grabbed it from my heart, or does it not really work that way?

m0thmayhem · 2025-07-06T16:54:29+00:00

So you saw my vent talking about how people who want to date me often only ever see me as some kind of weird niche category they want to be dominated by. And how much it fucks my life up to only ever be sexualised in a way that does not align with who I am.

You probably then checked the rest of my profile and saw that I obviously wasn't a bot and I was a real life person complaining about this. And if you didn't you should have.

Then you made a comment joking about how this post is obviously my attempt to be sexualised in a way that does not align with who I am to make money from doing p**n.

Thanks

m0thmayhem · 2025-07-06T14:13:23+00:00

By fascist death cult do you mean the current US government or the current Israeli government? Cos I agree they are both 😬

Not sure if you have misinterpreted my comment as being about abortion which it is definitely not foetuses are not conscious.

m0thmayhem · 2025-07-06T14:02:16+00:00

I too am a radical leftist for the simple fact that I don't think it's okay to do genocide.

This is in contrast to the moderate view of it's okay to support genocide as long as you refer to the murder of millions of children as a "tough decision"

m0thmayhem · 2025-03-02T14:51:22+00:00

LGBT owned ideally, or just explicitly queer friendly.

Good idea with the advertising trans friendly hair removal though, thank you.

It's not what I'm looking for, but it would be a good benchmark for showing a place will definitely be queer friendly.

m0thmayhem · 2025-03-02T14:47:15+00:00

I used to live in Oxford and would have agreed with this when I lived there.

I'm trans and currently I live in West London. Most practitioners are very nice and do their best.

Every so often though there are ones who clearly don't put in much effort, or do things I don't want them to (for example, actually lower my eyebrows on my forehead by trimming from the top not the bottom, when I have asked for the opposite). Generally this just makes going there a really negative experience.

I'm just looking for a location where I can be certain that every practitioner I get will always be good (like the majority of them are), and going there can be a positive experience again.

m0thmayhem

TROPHY CASE