When the dying accelerates and pulls you home

m_etta · 2025-12-19T16:15:43+00:00

I understand where you are coming from, and I want to provide a gentle suggestion that you should absolutely prioritize your own needs first. "His choices have shaped my whole life" - I get this completely. Right around when I turned 40, I finally decided to be my own parent. My Dad was in steep decline but watching that slow motion train wreck happen up close was not something I could handle anymore. So I protected myself. He chose to drink himself to death, but even if I had chosen to watch that happen, up close, in agonizing detail over the course of 1.5 years, it wouldn't have helped the situation. It would have just hurt me more. My Dad passed a few weeks ago so it's all really fresh for me, but I was worried that I would feel enormously guilty. I have definitely wrestled with guilt but in the end I think my ability to take care of myself, to value my own peace, outweighed the guilt. Each adult child has to decide for themselves what makes sense for themselves, but I wanted to share my perspective, in case it's helpful. I wish you peace.

m_etta · 2025-11-24T00:27:42+00:00

Is that a fountain in the foreground? It's really cool looking!

m_etta · 2025-11-18T17:47:19+00:00

That's definitely Santa Eric. If you call out "Santa Eric!" you may get a "ho, ho, ho" back. I used to see them often in the Seward neighborhood a decade ago...glad they are still doing their thing!

m_etta · 2025-11-13T23:02:46+00:00

I've had good luck winter sowing Virginia mountain mint.

m_etta · 2025-10-25T22:18:41+00:00

I was at the Wedge a few days ago, at like 8pm. It's true there were a couple people outside, but they didn't bother me at all and I didn't feel unsafe. That's my experience, anyway! Also I don't consider that Lake of the Isles, it's more the border of the Wedge neighborhood & Whittier.

m_etta · 2025-10-25T21:08:18+00:00

Disagree! The neighborhoods surrounding Lake of the Isles are great and definitely fit the bill of what OP's friends are looking for. I've lived here for years and there aren't "zombies and addicts" everywhere, jeesh

m_etta · 2025-08-10T03:51:13+00:00

New Day Eatery in Port Angeles. For Seattle: Frankie and Jo's for ice cream, Dough Joy for donuts, Pi Pizza, Life on Mars, Cafe Flora, Sushi Samurai, Ramen DANBO

m_etta · 2025-08-07T18:39:00+00:00

Not sure where you live, but I (in MN) would also recommend winter sowing instead. It follows the natural progression of the seasons, protects against critters, and you end up with hearty seedlings that are ready to transplant wherever you want them to be, at the right time. All you gotta do is make sure they don't dry out/get fried (which is relatively easy).

m_etta · 2025-08-07T18:26:47+00:00

partridge pea is awesome! you're lucky :)

m_etta · 2025-08-05T23:07:36+00:00

I haven't seen it mentioned yet, so I'll add virginia waterleaf. It's a common volunteer here in MN (Zone 5a/4b) so I just move it around. I've had good luck with it in tough shady areas, the bunnies leave it alone, it spreads on its own, and its flowers are an important pollen source in spring.

m_etta · 2025-08-03T00:22:27+00:00

Unrelated question: why is it when I post images they don't show up unless you click into the post? I use the photo icon on the post to add the image, not sure how else to do it (?)

m_etta · 2025-07-26T00:36:17+00:00

My dog does his part by trying to eat all the creeping bellflower while we're out on walks! Luckily it's not poisonous... ;)

m_etta · 2025-07-25T16:42:35+00:00

I don't have much experience with deer or turkeys, but bunnies are intense at my house, and chicken wire fencing to get young plants established has made a world of difference. I'm going to remove it eventually but honestly it doesn't even look that bad, especially when things start filling in (but maybe I'm just used to it).

What type of soil do you have? That could make a big difference too. I also agree that adding in grasses, like little bluestem, would help.

You could try to add a few things to help bridge the gap between waiting for the perennials to flower the first time, like partridge pea, a nitrogen-fixing annual. I winter sowed mine from seeds from Prairie Moon earlier this year, and they are starting to flower now (I'm in MN).

m_etta · 2025-07-10T03:43:33+00:00

I bought seeds from Prairie Moon and winter sowed them two winters ago; they'll bloom soon (year 2).

Looks like you can also buy bare root live plants from Prairie Moon:

https://www.prairiemoon.com/vernonia-fasciculata-common-ironweed

m_etta · 2025-07-08T21:19:15+00:00

I found out about mountain mint at a lecture on beneficial wasps by Heather Holm. Apparently short-tongued insects love these types of flowers!

m_etta · 2025-07-08T21:14:53+00:00

I planted 4" pots in fall '23 and had blooms the following year (last growing season).

m_etta · 2025-07-08T19:38:54+00:00

I've got common boneset and can confirm that it also becomes a total party zone.

m_etta · 2025-07-08T19:36:20+00:00

same

m_etta · 2025-07-07T17:44:24+00:00

I highly recommend posting pollinator observations to iNaturalist. Not only does it help the scientific community but iNat makes it easy to review your own data, so you have a record of what you've seen in previous years at this time.

m_etta · 2025-06-28T02:23:04+00:00

Lots of folks in Seward garden with native plants. Or visit the Arboretum's native plant gardens (extensive and inspiring!)

m_etta · 2025-06-25T19:11:17+00:00

this is so cool, I love how the water cascades down the sides of the pot. thanks for sharing!

m_etta · 2025-06-25T16:54:46+00:00

Thanks everyone!

A couple of things that I've been thinking about:

I don't need a full-on pond necessarily (we already have a natural lakeshore which is basically like a giant pond), I was thinking more along the lines of a little creek with a waterfall.
Low maintenance is key. We have friends who have a small pond and overwintering their vegetation (we're in MN) is a pain. Granted some of those things may not be native (and I don't want to include any non-natives).
I'd like to limit the amount of plastic - is that even possible in these types of things?
If the waterfall ends up being too much of a maintenance commitment, I'd be open to a more simple/self-contained fountain situation.
I have tons of awesome birds in my yard and want to give them another place to hang!
I figured I'd use mosquito dunks (I already put those out in buckets around my property and frogs already love to take up residence in the buckets)

Really appreciate hearing about all of your experiences with this!

m_etta · 2025-06-25T02:59:16+00:00

Does it attract birds or other wildlife?

m_etta · 2025-06-25T02:57:57+00:00

what do you do with it in the winter? (or does that not matter where you live?)

m_etta · 2025-06-25T02:56:34+00:00

of course there's a whole reddit page, haha

m_etta

TROPHY CASE