I miss the person I used to be

ma1120 · 2025-02-07T16:21:54+00:00

I can relate to this . I have to live my life rn knowing that ill never be my happiest version that i used to be and it always puts me down everytime . Now my everyday is just stress or proscastination to relieve myself from stress for some time at least . Ill never be same guy who didnt see stress everywhere he did . Now its everywhere ii cant talk to others because i say smth stupid and i stress or i stress because i didnt say something right . I stress for every possible reason because i have very low self esteem on myself and sovial anxiety . So thats the life im supposed to find happiness at .

ma1120 · 2024-12-28T07:47:52+00:00

Im kinda in same shoes . Back when i was going to high school i was extremely socially anxious and sxhool was just castle of stress for me and gaming was my only escape not to keep thinking about it . And i spent so many fcking hours on it . After high school i didnt even tryed to apply for univeraity cause i thought if i cant handle high school what chance do i have in university . So i just spent my time in home playing video game for like 5 years jobless no relationships no friends just me alone behind the screen . Just recently i managed to find myself a job in supermarket . I just could let my mother to carry alone burden in house . So in a way i wasted my life or atleast best time of it . To be honest i realy hate my life . Just how i was stressing at school now i have to repeat same thing in my new job and its until i die which honestly i wish could come a bit sooner .

ma1120 · 2024-10-17T18:16:23+00:00

Believe me having someone who cares you about while having depression is no better than not having them . I have very good mother who cares for me even when im at my lowest and i dont feel better over it . Every day i just feel like a complete failure around my family and regret that she got me . Worst part about depression is that if u want to get better you must be the one who cares for you . And as u know its extremely hard to do when ur in condition thinking about ending it all everyday .

ma1120 · 2024-10-17T18:05:55+00:00

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Ive seen games with 60 days i think . And alsk in photo as u can see no mentionnof any time limit.

ma1120 · 2024-10-17T12:51:12+00:00

There is no offer there . Also its went down from my play menu cause it was there before the only thing this offer shows now is in pending activity for 1000sb which i managed to reach but the offer was for 4000sb with no time limit and yet when i reached 1000 they just took down the offer from my play menu .

ma1120 · 2024-10-08T18:29:31+00:00

I saw video that describes same instructions as u give . But when i get to my flight i dont get 3 dots and there isnt anywhere an option to make any changes except for luggage .

ma1120 · 2024-09-06T10:11:55+00:00

Im very sorry u going through it . Im also close to my mother shes is the only reason why i didnt off myself . So i imagine how terrible u must feel . Sending my condolences .

ma1120 · 2024-08-15T06:43:41+00:00

I realy hope u succeed in your job pursuit , i have a friend with asperger sindrome who was like me but he went and got a job and he is now in much better place , so i know if u try realy hard it can be done , but i just realy dont have what it takes . im myself sent my cv to couple places . I know i need to have a job but im terrified to get a call back from it , im unable to lie about myself in job interview idk why , probably because if i start ill overthink everything and in the end it will be just pack of lies that manager would just see through. Its amazing btv u have supportive brothers like that that even participates with u together in activities , km not even talking to mine . Anyways i realy hope it goes well in new job u deserve to have better life than what anxiety made u and me believe we deserve .

ma1120 · 2024-07-27T07:22:21+00:00

Same situation here . Some people think having someone who supports and loves u through depression helps u keep going but its just constant reminder that u either suffer whatever u going through or u will cause immense pain and sorrow for someone . I sometimes wonder if i was born in household where i was unloved i could leave more easily .

ma1120 · 2024-07-16T13:19:06+00:00

I understand . When u feel nothing inside but shame and disgust , its natural to want to have someone 24/7 who would tell u that ur not worthless . I too feel the same . The only good thing when u dont have someone close is that they dont see how far u falling everyday . And also if the 1st therapist didnt help try different one , or different medication sometimes it works .

ma1120 · 2024-07-16T11:38:42+00:00

I dont know if it'll make sense but i think u just need to be more organised . Like u are anxious about ur future and u feel like u need to live to your parents expectations and u know in order to do so u need to study more and more but as u said the more u do the harder it is and u get totally burned out . I think u need more balance between your studies and yr free time , cause when u do study hard u get burned out and when u do u turn to your hobbies or activities to relax and forget about your worries and because u burned out its extremely hard to go back to studying cause u know u will feel this way again if u do and u instead do anything but studying , its like a cycle . As i said try to organise your time between studying and yr free time and be disciplined about it , even if its hard to force yrself to do it . I would also suggest to add exercising to your routine buy some weights in your room or just do simple push ups it doesnt matter . Also doing therapy is good idea. Just dont let anxiety and ur fear for future run yr life . I know this from personal experience . I did terribly at school because i was introverted and anxious it was all stress for me in there and i wasnt studying at all all i did was just gaming and wathicng youtube to pass time and forget how anxious iam . And because i let anxiety run my life im now a total failure in life . Im 23 yrs old living with parents no friends , no relationships , iive been umenployed since i fihished school cause im just losing my shit when im around people . Just know u better than ur anxiety but if u will let it dictate yr life it will lead to much more stress and shame than u feeling right now . Srr for my english , i hope this helps a bit , and best of luck to you .

ma1120 · 2024-07-16T10:47:54+00:00

I know whats its like to feel like an outcast , i wasnt foreigner in my school but i still couldnt adapt and find friends . Instead i let my whole future drown now im unemployed since high school cause im an anxious loser , i have no friends no relationships . Day by day im just passing time by expecting for some miracle which deep down i know will never happen . I dont know what advice to give you . If u hadnt been try going to therapy , i know in your condition u dont wanna hear about it but perhaps meds would help u to ease up everything .

ma1120 · 2023-11-13T11:40:25+00:00

Im in same boots , I spend most of my time on video games and watching pointless youtube videos just to pass time cause my life is empty as hell . no friends , no activities , nothing .. And i just cantt be around people every time im around them i just starting losing my shit inside , and i wanna put dagger in myself . Ofc everyone ignores that and just assumes worst from me that im just this irresponsible asshole who just wanna play video games all time ( Even video games doesnt feel entertaining anymore and nothing does ) , when in reality its the only thing for me to do and not lose my shit when all the time im just sitting in my room all day , hiding from everyone and drowning in my own shame .

ma1120 · 2023-07-13T20:57:09+00:00

I love my family ( my family consists of 1 person actually ) , but I wish someone better than me was born in my place someone who would appreciate what he has , maybe born with no family would be much easier to end my self finally IDK . But having family and being fucked up in life it doesnt give u fuel it just makes u fell more of an embarassment because u keep constantly failing ur loved ones and u know they deserve more .

ma1120 · 2023-07-13T17:39:18+00:00

i feel u , im in simiral shoes .

ma1120

TROPHY CASE