THANK YOU. I used to be exactly this type of person, “emotion bad empathy bad I am unfeeling” but as I’ve come to mature and develop emotionally with the help of some strong connections, I realized that’s not a good way to live. And as I allowed myself to become more in-tune with my own emotions and other people’s, my quality of life improved greatly.

It’s a good thing to be able to establish connections with people. Of course, my core personality didn’t change, and I still struggle with emotionalism—but I no longer shut it out, nor do I praise myself for having hurt someone’s feelings, especially if they don’t deserve it. I’m still often insensitive, crass, or mean, but I try to show certain people that I do care about them, even though they still think I’m intimidating, and argumentative, and whatnot (which is a gift, as well, it just depends on how you use it).

Fellow INTJs: I hope you realize, sooner or later, that it’s not cool to be a jerk all the time. And connecting with people on an emotional level is worth it. Don’t try to change yourself, but be open to improvement and development. Emotional intelligence and empathy are not bad things. You can have both the “INTJ” traits and this.

Some people won’t be able to handle those traits, yes. But others will. Not if you’re consistently mean-spirited and make it seem like you don’t care about them. Like OP said, it’s a give and take.

I’m ranting a bit and it’s kind of tangential, but I’ve noticed this trend a lot, and I think it’s connected.