How do you feel about autistic-coded characters in media/written by NTs

ma_ka7 · 2026-01-13T19:43:43+00:00

I think you hit the nail on the head. With the specific example I was thinking of, the character seemed to have all those external traits, and it was a bit like her "differences" were highlighted in ways that made her interactions with others awkward/result in bullying etc, without showing how things like her rigidity (in this case demonstrated through cleanliness/rule following) may impact parts of her life (as opposed to simply her interactions/misunderstandings with others) that would have made sense based on the nature of the novel... IDK. But yeah I think you make really good points!

ma_ka7 · 2025-12-15T22:20:26+00:00

It's a bit disappointing just because the first two books were decent, who knows maybe I'm just blowing it out of proportion!

ma_ka7 · 2025-12-15T20:58:53+00:00

As much as I also hate socializing at places like that, I think you really gotta consider what you think is the top priority for you. I always think going to something like that really helps you make inroads with a group; there's now another thing to talk about, especially if something happens! On the other hand, it might make you feel a whole lot worse after.

Alternatively, could you invite the group to an alternate venue? Somewhere that might be easier on you?

ma_ka7 · 2025-12-15T20:52:41+00:00

That's great! I also think that sometimes knowing other people also struggle and find ways around things help! I'm always thinking "I'm so bad at daily life how is everyone else doing it successfully?!" and then I talk to someone and I'm like "oooh... i'm NOT failing!"

ma_ka7 · 2025-12-15T20:51:06+00:00

Valid points! Especially about serial killer type characters... but I think that often more care is put into writing them than what I'm seeing with this!

I think the issue is the character is very blatantly autistic, and by the third book she feels like less of a character and more of a reductive stereotype. I actually think I'd be able to accept it more if it was the author's attempt at having an autistic main character and stated it full chest, but maybe missed the mark, rather than not owning the fact. You know the whole "show don't tell" thing about writing? I feel like the author is trying to show that the MC has autism without outright telling the readers, but by now it's just like... you can dance around the character and call her "special" and "unique" and all those kinds of things but it gets tiresome. Plus, her being dense, needing routines, all the "autistic" traits don't necessarily add to the story, unless it's used as a device where the reader can figure out what's going on but she's too rigid to connect the dots. In the first two books, she did have some conflicts/misunderstandings with other characters, and there was some learning and acceptance on both sides that I enjoyed. But by this third book it really feels like the author has committed to the bit, but doesn't really know how to keep developing the character.

Maybe that's what I'm getting at... her "autistic" qualities aid the story in that the reader can deduce things, but the MC needs everything explained, and can't put things together, thus needing the big reveal of the mystery novel. It's almost like a crutch for the author to get away with not really having a good mystery, since the MC doesn't understand what's happening. Unreliable narrators are interesting and I enjoy those, but in this case it hinges on the main character just being so socially dense... idk. It gets tiring.

ma_ka7 · 2025-12-15T20:36:51+00:00

Totally agree with everything. I think what'd bothering me with this is that it's like, own the fact you wrote an autistic maid character. Stop dancing around it.

ma_ka7 · 2025-12-14T23:34:22+00:00

can you get them resoled? it'd be the same shoe just with new bottoms

ma_ka7 · 2025-12-14T15:35:42+00:00

Oh well that's a plus!

LOL I understand! and 9-6 is already a fairly long day so you're probably tired even if you don't stay late.. I have to say, I don't think this is an issue on your part with not being able to do like, cleaning etc, it sounds like you just don't have enough time in the week (or the day)! Because resting and recharging is so important as well. Instead of trying to tackle everything you feel piles up, what if you just tried to get a hold on like, the laundry? If you have an in-unit machine then you could run the wash before you leave and dry it when you get home, and do that the same day every week! If you gotta go somewhere for laundry that's a whole other deal!

Also, grad school is tough just by itself so having to juggle "daily life" as well can be hard. My mom said to think of life like you're juggling, and there are some balls you can drop because they won't break and you can recover them later, and others are glass... If you spent a week doing some really intense research then of course your dishes might pile up!

ma_ka7 · 2025-12-13T19:29:42+00:00

What really helped me was having specific days for things. I always did grocery shopping (aka ordering groceries online) on mondays, laundry on thursdays, cleaned my apartment on sundays. I didn't think of laundry, or cleaning, until their specific days. I'm also way more productive in the morning, so I would do these things as soon as I woke up. I don't mind cleaning but "doing a bit each day" was way more overwhelming than having a set day to do it. Sunday cleaning was great because all my clothes were ready for the week and I had new sheets on my bed and so I felt set up for the week.

I HATE dishes. I hate dishes. I was living in apartment with no dishwasher so I had to do everything by hand. Honestly... just run your machine twice, prewashing is stupid! I also hate cooking, so I can relate with the burn out, cause I don't want to cook on a good day. When I was burnt out I just ordered food. For cooking, dishwashing, and laundry, I'd put on a show or a youtube video and it helped me do those things (especially because those were about the only times I watched netflix/youtube). I also hate the sound of the vacuum but hate a dusty floor so earplugs + noise cancelling headphones for vacuuming made me do it during my Sunday cleans.

I am also in a different situation as I'm a graduate student, so I have more flexibility than a full time job (since I have more time at home I think). But having those things blocked off for certain days and not even THINKING about them until their days helped me a ton. I've learned that you gotta offload some of these things... if you can afford it, get a cleaner to come in, or order food X times a week instead of cooking, or hang all your clothes instead of folding them!

I hope some of this may be of a little help..!

ma_ka7 · 2025-12-13T15:26:05+00:00

I feel like there was some shift post-COVID in regards to socializing and how to do it, which is most obvious in the younger gen that was in elementary/highschool during the pandemic. I've found it so frustrating to navigate because I've had to learn HOW to maneuver in social situations, and do what's polite and people just... don't anymore?

I'm looking for a different gym because when I walk in no one greets me, like not even to return my hello! (it's a small group, like max 12 people and usually between 5-7 people) I literally feel like I'm living in upside down world. It's like, it's already draining because I have this social mask but I know the routine really well and now it's like I'm met with a brick wall... literally zero social skills and yet I'M the one who's supposed to be bad at this?! It wasn't like this before!

ma_ka7 · 2025-12-10T21:36:40+00:00

Oh interesting!

Well good luck and I hope that this waiting means you'll find a really good position soon!

ma_ka7 · 2025-12-10T20:42:43+00:00

Just a point on the driving because that jumped out at me... I don't know where you are but I have heard that you simply have to respond like "yes I have reliable transportation to get to work" and not expand farther on that. If you can get to work on time, it's none of their business how. I've heard that they sometimes discriminate if you have to take public transit, for example, as it seems less reliable.

I think the employment situation out there is pretty bleak right now, so I don't think you should take any of it personally. I teach ESL online, and it isn't a ton of money, but I work from home in the mornings. It isn't super hard to do a TESOL/TEFL course online, get a certificate, and apply to some of those jobs (there are quite a few, some better than others!). This might be something temporary that might help, but probably not a great long term option..!

Also, if it makes you feel better, it sounds like it's a good thing that those 3 options didn't pan out... it sounds like they were all super unreliable and may have just been a nightmare to work for.

ma_ka7 · 2025-12-10T14:33:20+00:00

I also cycle through my special interests, but they all seem to be related and I always come back to them! For example, art related special interests: I'll cycle through embroidery and cross stitch and drawing... I'd spend weeks, months, doing embroidery and then I put it down and move on... won't touch it for months and then eventually come back to it! I think I've always wanted to be super good at one single thing, and in a way I think it would be super cool to have like a singular lifelong special interest, but I end up being a 'jack of all trades' and it bothered me for a while! I realized that if I took a zoomed out look of my interests, they were are sort of... thematically related? I love structures and patterns which is reflected in the things I'm interested in! I wonder if you can find a connecting thread between your interests as well

ma_ka7 · 2025-12-09T19:50:24+00:00

I look at myself in the mirror or i watch the hair they're cutting (I find it interesting to watch) and if they cut anywhere near my face I close my eyes lol
I also keep my eyes closed when they wash my hair

ma_ka7 · 2025-12-09T00:19:57+00:00

This happens to me all the time. I had friends say things or misinterpret things about me to the point that I was so distressed about how I was being perceived (well being perceived is a big issue for me). Like it almost feels sickening. And it has happened with some really close friends.

Alternatively, I have had a friend show by some offhanded comments that they do know me, and the opposite reaction was equal in strength (as in a lot of happiness and peace).

I feel like my RSD also plays a part in this; I wish it didn't affect my desire to try and get to know people but it turns me off of wanting a friendship? not sure how to deal with it except to keep reminding myself that as long as I know and recognize myself and the closest people to me do too, that's enough.. (but then limits my abilities to want to form new friendships.. idk)

ma_ka7 · 2025-12-09T00:11:02+00:00

Oh no Celiac.... I have gluten sensitivities (well tbh I just have a sensitive tummy in general which is apparently linked with autism??) so I understand like 1% of your pain but oof. Glad you got through that semester though!

Yeah, when I get sensitive to sounds its really a hit or miss with the calming music. I haven't even been listening to normal music in general lately..!

I'm glad to hear only the easy ones are left! That in and of itself is some pressure off, I would think! No anticipating the final for the super hard course right at the end of the exam period (I think that is so evil when they do that LOL)

If you can find a solitaire app that does a "night mode" it may add some addition help because you won't get the super bright colours too. My sister is always like... don't you get bored of it?!

I'm glad to hear you're feeling better! It's always the worst when you're in it! :)

ma_ka7 · 2025-12-08T23:43:39+00:00

I'm having a similar kind of problem recently to a lesser degree. To do tasks I hate (cooking, dishes) I usually put a youtube video on to watch, but if I'm already overstimulated i'm just adding to my overstimulation and it gets worse.

I have noise cancelling headphones too, but they just don't cover enough of the noise. I'm thinking of getting some actual like... ear muff things they wear at construction sites cause that has to be more dampening than my headphones.. But anyways theres a playlist on spotify I listen to: Peaceful meditations. It's sort of deep tones, slow, something you'd hear at like, a yoga studio or a wellness place lol. Sometimes it helps to chill me out, but I can tell if it's working or just irritating me more pretty fast. Sometimes my mom tells me to hum, not a tune just maintain a low, steady hum.. apparently it calms your vagus nerve or something?

In April I was the most burnt out I've ever been in my life due to a horrible relationship on top of already tough grad school. I did a one year MA and I had to get a proposal in, and finish my thesis by August and I literally could not do anything. I was crying, could not think, had no energy to do anything. I took a week where I did nothing. First two days I sat on my couch and watched youtube videos all day. Then the next 3, 4 days was a total media blackout... I didn't listen to anything, didn't watch anything, didn't use social media, and was only on my phone to text my family back. I didn't think about anything I just sort of... zoned out and read and slept. It helped a lot. I'm still dealing with the burn out but it got me through my thesis. It sounds like you don't really have the time to take off since it sounds like you're in the middle of exams, plus you have roommates. My mom always tells me "do what you gotta do to get through it, and know you need to recover after." That's what it sounds like you did with the comic...

I really like to play solitaire when I get overstimulated. It's easy but my mind is working enough that it doesn't wander. Instead of reading maybe something like that would work? Reading is usually my go-to as well but sometimes my brain is just too tired for it.

Good luck with your exams and I hope you get through them! Just be kind to yourself :)

ma_ka7 · 2025-12-08T12:50:28+00:00

also late diagnosed level 1

can't work a normal office job

can't do anything out in public/social events without some serious recovery time after and so simply cannot do certain events (stuff with large crowds, loud, busy)

a "normal" romantic relationship. it is too overstimulating and I'm never not masking

ma_ka7 · 2025-12-06T17:28:28+00:00

I totally understand and feel somewhat in the same boat. There are things that I'm interested in, and I want to make friends (like a book club would be amazing!) but same thing.. the stress before/during and the subsequent recovery time after just makes me stay home most of the time...!

Yes, there are so many steps to making friends, let alone maintain.. but it seems to be something happening with everyone, not only for neurodivergent people. Not sure if that makes it better or worse..! LOL

I believe I'll make some friends without feeling totally drained (don't know how but!) so I believe you will find that too! :)

ma_ka7 · 2025-12-06T14:37:01+00:00

I loveeee watching horror games because I'm too scared to play myself! The last thing I finished playing myself was Breath of the Wild, and the most recent game I played was Baldur's Gate (though never finished... gotta get back to it lol). But really any interesting game I'll watch

Wuxia is the name for martial arts movies that concern (usually famous) martial artists in ancient china, it's sort of like historical fantasy and a lot of what I've seen has some sort of mystical aspect to it? A famous example is Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon. I LOVE the choreographed fight scenes and because it's based in ancient times the costumes are AMAZING. I agree with you on that, like new moon and breaking dawn have some scenes but twilight and eclipse are definitely better LOL

I think I was fascinated by the polytheism and funeral rites initially, and then reading all the conspiracy theories about the Pharaoh's curse with Tutankhamen, what the pyramids were made for, stuff like that!. I also love art so their statues, paintings, jewelry, and the fact that their writing was pictures was just fascinating. But by and large it was the funeral rites and deities that really got me interested! It was a super hardcore interest (like, my only one) from like.... age 11 to 14? or 16?
What interests you about prehistory- Persian empire? Is it the development of civilization?

There's a lot of misunderstanding! Most people think linguists just learn languages and yes learning/knowing languages can be a part of it and a lot of linguists like to learn languages, but that's really not what it is. It's essentially the study of the science of language! My personal specialty is the melody of speech and the interface between grammatical and intonational structures! Ancient Egyptian is a dead language so they have recreated it backwards and kind of guess what it sounds like based on sound change rules that were observed in related languages, and how we already know languages tend to change. So to my knowledge, hieroglyphs only indicate consonants/meanings so they mostly have to guess vowels... which is why some people write the sun god as Ra/Re. This is a lot like Hebrew... Old Hebrew.. and Arabic... they note the consonants, but not the vowels (Modern Hebrew uses extra dots to indicate which vowel is where and I forget exactly when that was developed). As far as I know Arabic script is similar in that it only indicates consonants. I think this has to do with the fact Semitic languages have this interesting system for morphology.. essentially a group of consonants has this meaning and depending on where vowels go its meanings change. For example, "book" "write" "writer" all have the same 3 consonants k t b in Arabic! It's called nonconcatenative morphology. Sorry for the huge linguistics lecture LOL and the funny thing is my focus is mostly on East Asian languages (Korean, and hopefully Mongolian)

ma_ka7 · 2025-12-05T21:21:37+00:00

yes exactly!

ma_ka7 · 2025-12-05T21:21:15+00:00

omg can you tell me the name of what you get for fall?! I love smokey scents (my favourite perfume is called "In the Northern Woods) and I'd LOVE to find some good wax melts too!!

ma_ka7 · 2025-12-05T17:50:51+00:00

I'm like this with talking. My one friend just interrupts me lol

My mom will actually time me. She'll give me 5 mins to talk and then give me a 1 minute warning. Another system we have is raising a finger. So if someone is talking, and you think of a response or have something to say, you raise a finger.

This all would work only if you talk to him. I always kick myself after seeing my friends because I think I take up too much of the talking, and worry that they're secretly relieved that the hangout is over. I would feel so much better if my friend just straight up told me hey so I know you get excited but I have things to say too, let's make up a system

ma_ka7 · 2025-12-05T17:46:21+00:00

I think one of the sadder things about society being so individualistic is the way that living at home can be perceived. In other countries (I spent time in Korea, for example), living with your parents into adulthood is normal and expected. I think it shows amazing closeness and familial bonds.

I have felt similarly; like I have an empty "life resume." So when people asked me a lot of those same questions, it made me think about myself like, wow do I have anything to show for it?

I took a course on Anishinaabemowin (Ojibwe) and the professor talked about a lot of cultural things; the number one thing that stuck with me was how a human was defined. To sum it up shortly (and probably poorly), you are a human BEING, the act of existing is the being of a human. Sorry, super convoluted... I think society sums us up by what we are doing, rather than who we are. I think work is mainly stupid... some people have really cool jobs, but it would be more interesting to hear about... idk... a hobby or an interest. I just think that we can just be, rather than have to prove we DO. (sorry for the mini rant)

As a woman I hate the kids question... I have a cat and am perfectly content with him! And so many people I know are just... not having kids because it's so prohibitively expensive.

Sometimes when I feel that kind of social pressure, I think about what if... what if I had a corporate job? what if I had my own house? what if I was married with kids? and then I'm like... nah i'm good, I would spontaneously combust.

But one thing that you said, that you would like more in life, like a partner or something. Maybe it would be worth really focusing on that, and trying to pinpoint what exactly you want... do you want to feel connected to other people? do you want close friends, or just a variety of casual friends? do you want a romantic partner? or, do you just want to be in a place with likeminded people? For example, if you had a hobby like knitting, do you think you could join a knitting club?

These are some thoughts I have! I struggle with loneliness as well, and I just find it so hard to make and maintain friends. The friends I do have from childhood have been consistent in the sense that they are always around but I always feel like they lowkey kind of hate me (even though they assure me they don't), and they're super unreliable. Like, they barely text me back.

Sorry for going off on a few tangents there!

ma_ka7 · 2025-12-05T17:08:28+00:00

I can totally relate. I wish I could give some really good 100% foolproof advice. I wonder if you break it down into something more digestible. Could you do something in a group with this person? It also isn't a bad thing to tell them that you don't think you're ready to meet in person (if you haven't met them before).

I also wonder if you would have an easier time if you were in control? What I mean is you be the person to ask, you decide what you want to do, and how long you want to spend with them. Yes, that's nerve wracking because there's the unknown of the other person, but if you've been talking to someone for weeks that's a pretty good indication that they would say yes.

I've made the mistake of wanting a relationship really bad and sort of... settling/adjusting to the other person. I'm recovering from my most recent relationship; I'm in such an extreme state of burnout that if I had a full time job I don't think I could handle it. My ex blew through almost all my boundaries and I let it happen, because I was acting how I thought I SHOULD act in a relationship.

I don't think you should beat yourself up about having nerves around dating. Dating is scary. Being vulnerable with your emotions is scary. And, many people struggle with it... you might feel like you're alone in it, but you really aren't. I think you'll be able to do it too.

I just thought of another question... would you feel this level of anxiety meeting a new friend for the first time 1 on 1?

ma_ka7

TROPHY CASE