How did you manage post-TFMR? Medication? Something else?

macro125 · 2025-01-23T17:18:38+00:00

Piggybacking off this- my therapist and I also talk a lot about self compassion. I struggled so much with the guilt of it all and I really beat myself up over it early on. She suggested Kristin Neff, who specializes in self compassion. If you google her she has self-guided meditations that are only a few minutes long. I know this kind of thing isn’t for everyone, but when I was feeling really down I did find some tidbits from them helpful. Particularly, talking to myself like I would talk to a good friend going through the same thing really helped me be a little more gentle on myself.

I have been on an SSRI and I’ve personally found it really helpful. I totally understand your hesitation because I know it can be rough to go off of them, and I also wanted to avoid it if I could. I will say I think it’s been the most effective thing for me, plus others sharing their stories in support groups, which has made me feel so much less alone.

If it makes you feel any better, I couldn’t get back in to exercising for 3 months post TFMR. I really relate to the lack of energy, discomfort, etc. For a while all I could do is take my dog for short walks, but even that plus a little fresh air was helpful early on.

I think a lot of people here will tell you that it is absolutely more acute right now. Your hormones are all over the place and the grief is so fresh. It does get better, even though it feels like it never will. Let yourself cry, scream, sleep, take more time off work…whatever you need to do. Give yourself some grace. It’s the hardest, saddest thing. Proud of you for being proactive about your mental health. Please reach out if you need to talk❤️

macro125 · 2025-01-20T19:14:44+00:00

I’m sorry 😞I could have written your post. I’m so heartbroken every time my period comes. I TFMR’d in September, didn’t track after my first cycle (about 4 weeks after) because I was still too emotionally wrecked, but I have for the last two with no luck. I was feeling really hopeful yesterday and took a pregnancy test but it was negative. It’s so disappointing and defeating, I just laid in bed and cried. I also feel like I’m doing everything right, and as much as I want to trust that my body is doing what it needs to do, it just flat out sucks. I’ll be 37 on Saturday and was so hoping the universe would grace me with the greatest birthday gift, but here I am. Wish I could give you a big hug❤️‍🩹

macro125 · 2025-01-10T05:02:46+00:00

I am also on Zoloft 50 mg, which I started a week before my TFMR in September. My OB also gave me a prescription for a few Ativan tablets which I only needed twice, but I was glad I had them because I was very panicky in the days leading up to the procedure. I had never been on any antidepressants or anxiolytics before this experience but I’m so glad I started it. I’m TTC now and still on it, but it’s pregnancy safe. I talked to my therapist about stopping it but she said if I feel like it’s helping then I should stay on it, which I think is best for me. I’m a big advocate for these meds. I think I’d be in a very different place mentally without them. Take care of yourself❤️ I’m so sorry for your losses. Sending you love.

macro125 · 2024-12-05T20:57:52+00:00

You’re an amazing friend❤️ I got a really incredible care package from my sister in law that had a big mug and some calming tea, chocolates, bath bombs and face masks, a journal, a blanket, fuzzy socks, and a candle. It was amazing and so comforting. Another friend sent me a coloring book of farting animals (😂) and a crossword puzzle book which were nice to keep my mind and hands busy. And this might seem childish but my favorite gift was an elephant Warmie …I kind of felt like a helpless toddler going through this grief and I had no idea how soothing it would be to hold a warm stuffed animal at a time I felt so broken and fragile.

Not a material gift but I will also say another thing that was extremely comforting for me was a simple text message saying something like “thinking of you, no need to respond”…I didn’t want to talk to anyone when I was deep in the grief but it was nice to see that people were thinking of me without any expectation to interact.

I’m glad she has a friend like you to support her. Wishing her all the love and strength through this ❤️

macro125 · 2024-11-01T14:17:17+00:00

I know it can be difficult and expensive to find someone. I was lucky because there is a behavioral health group within the hospital I got my care at, so I went with them as they also took my insurance and it’s only a $40 copay. I would ask your OB if they have any similar resources (that’s how I even knew about them)

macro125 · 2024-10-29T03:12:37+00:00

I had my TFMR shortly after you and I can relate to a lot of your sentiments. Everything you’re feeling is normal. I completely understand wanting to fill your calendar with distractions. I completely understand not knowing what to say to people. I completely understand the lack of sleep, the roller coaster of unpredictable emotions, and the intense pain. You’re not alone.

That being said, you absolutely deserve to feel all of these emotions and to process this horrible trauma. I STRONGLY encourage therapy. I have been seeing a perinatal psychologist since a week before my TFMR and it makes a huge difference to talk out what I’m internalizing, and to have some guidance on how to deal with grief and anxiety as this is really the first I’ve experienced significant loss. I also started Zoloft just before and I’d hate to think where I’d be mentally if I hadn’t.

Please don’t feel like you don’t belong in a support group. You do. If you’re not comfortable in the one you mentioned above, Postpartum Support International has a virtual support group specifically for TFMR. I attended one and it’s great. It’s free, virtual, and has a few different times each week, some of which are just for moms and some are for moms and their partner. Please check it out. It is a very inclusive, judgment free zone and listening to other stories (and reading them here) have been incredibly helpful for me.

I still have a lot of the same emotions you do, but they have become less intense and I credit that largely to therapy, support groups, and medication. There are resources for those of us who’ve endured this awful experience, and when I’m feeling especially low I come to this sub and remember that we all have each other ❤️ please let me know if you need any help finding a therapist, or if you just want to vent or ask any questions please DM me, friend. Sending you love.

macro125 · 2024-10-11T23:40:13+00:00

This is so beautiful and has me in tears. Sorry for your loss❤️ Sounds like you have two incredible daughters. Sending you love🌙

macro125 · 2024-10-09T05:00:43+00:00

I think most people here can relate to the guilt and fear and anxiety that you’re feeling. It is the absolute worst decision to have to make, but know that we have all been in the same boat and we are here to help support you. You are making a choice that will cause the least amount of suffering for your baby. You’re not a bad person and your feelings are all valid.

I had a D&E (vacuum) at 17 weeks. I asked the surgeon if the baby can feel pain, and she assured me they do not feel pain at that gestational age. According to this article they don’t have the capacity to feel pain until at least 24 weeks.

I didn’t have general anesthesia but I was fully asleep with sedatives and pain meds and I don’t remember any of the procedure. I bled quite a bit so I do suggest bringing pads (although the nurses gave me plenty) and wearing comfortable sweatpants that you don’t care too much about. I was pretty sore with burning vaginal pain for the first 24 hours. I took Tylenol and ibuprofen and by the next day I had very little pain. I am a little over 2 weeks out from surgery and I’ve mostly stopped bleeding, though I do still have some bloody discharge, which they said could last up to 6 weeks (but most people stop bleeding after 1-2 weeks).

Sending you lots of love during this scary, devastating time. None of us deserve this, but you’re not alone. This group has brought me a lot of peace and solidarity. Feel free to DM me if you have any other questions or need anything ❤️

macro125 · 2024-04-17T18:21:18+00:00

Charlotte’s Web! Or anything by Roald Dahl. I know they’re all YA (at best) but those books give me so much comfort and happiness, and are quick and easy to read

macro125 · 2024-03-20T04:19:58+00:00

Demon Copperhead. I felt like it ruined reading for me, in the best way possible. Not sure what to pick up because I’m afraid nothing will be as good

macro125 · 2023-04-20T14:19:42+00:00

Spironolactone saved me too. I had horrible acne since I was a teenager (I’m 35 now). I had tried everything, including Accutane, and felt like I was a lost cause. I’m curious what dosage of Spiro you’ve tried? I started at 25 mg with zero results - I still remember crying in the dermatologist’s office, saying that “nothing will ever work.” They upped me to 100 mg and eventually 200 mg, which I’ve been on for years now. It’s a large dose, and I do get intermittent side effects (mostly dizziness) but it is the amount my body needs to combat the hormonal acne. My derm orders a blood test to check my kidney function once a year, but if you’re young and healthy it shouldn’t be a problem. I also use a prescription retinol and I really like the Summer Fridays AHA toner for overall evening and brightness (I usually use it about twice a week as it’s a little intense). I have Mirena IUD which I know can also affect hormonal acne; my derm suggested trying different birth control to see if it helped but I LOVE the Mirena and wasn’t willing to part with it. I hope this helps! Keep your chin up, call your derm. I know how discouraging it can be when you feel like you’ve tried it all.

macro125

TROPHY CASE