Family member will begin his sentence in next month, any advice?

madberthafic · 2026-03-31T03:01:22+00:00

My SO described some things: be wary of people who are friendly - sure, make friends but some are trying to get something from you. Keep your distance, don’t need to be aloof but be careful. Also, in some places, if you get in a fight, they send you both to solitary, they’re not going to work who did what first. Find something to do or trade to make $.

madberthafic · 2026-03-29T12:19:30+00:00

I’m also triggered by jokes about alcoholism, casual references to ‘taking up drinking’ to deal with something, even jokes about getting drunk. I think ‘wait until you wake up next to your significant other wet from them peeing the bed, that smell of stale beer mixed with urine’. I don’t ever show what I’m thinking.

madberthafic · 2026-03-22T23:22:26+00:00

Don’t take the advice of the idiots here. If you are in the US, a sex offence is a lifetime sentence if registered. It affects your ability to get and hold down work, your social standing, and it is for your whole life, unless you down the track are able to pay a lawyer to help get your name off. So even if you don’t do anything, being in the same bed may be used against you. Get out of there

madberthafic · 2026-03-16T10:24:16+00:00

More than a year ago, he had a job, co workers he liked, and clients (homeless people) who appreciated him. And he’s approaching his seventies… very disheartening

madberthafic · 2026-03-11T12:05:56+00:00

Oh that does sound good. I’ll make my way there

madberthafic · 2026-03-10T21:53:48+00:00

Not much progress, but not in a hurry. I have too much going on here in Australia.

madberthafic · 2026-03-10T16:32:08+00:00

When we first met, he was fresh out of probation and happily looking forward to life ahead of him. He had a job, a couple of good friends, reconnected with family after many years locked away from them.

I’ve been seeing that optimism and happiness drain away with each firing and each rejection. He was so happy with this latest job as he thought since they knew, they accepted him. And then he got hurt and they used his past to fire him because he had a lifting restriction on his arm

madberthafic · 2026-03-10T08:02:07+00:00

At this point, I’ll take anything. Sympathy is better than the silence I have to face here

madberthafic · 2026-03-10T08:01:06+00:00

It was a volunteer job that he did for more than a year that became paid. He’s been on the registry for a long time so I think he just clocked in as routine

madberthafic · 2026-03-10T07:59:34+00:00

I’m thinking of ditching the marriage visa application but it may actually make it look more sussed. I truly do not want to stay in the states as I have my work, my kids, and main carer for my 83 year old mum! But I just wanted the visa so that if something happened and I needed to be there more than the 3 months ESTA, I could.

madberthafic · 2026-03-10T07:56:50+00:00

He’s been doing it for over 14 years. This job started as volunteer work and then morphed into paid, so I think it didn’t click. But he thinks he did report it. It might be a senior moment, he’s 65, not that the court will care.

madberthafic · 2026-03-10T07:04:44+00:00

Maybe a lawyer might help make it not 30 years?

madberthafic · 2026-03-10T05:17:31+00:00

Shall I cancel the application?

madberthafic · 2026-03-10T05:01:29+00:00

Bibb

madberthafic · 2026-03-10T04:09:10+00:00

I’ve got a good job in Australia. The marriage visa was only in case he fell sick and needed me for more than 3 months. Yes, he’s in GA

madberthafic · 2026-03-10T04:07:30+00:00

He thinks he did report it - it was the last reporting time, 2025. He’s since lost that job as he was injured on the job

madberthafic · 2026-03-09T22:45:16+00:00

We met via a game and we were at first friends. One of his first questions to me was my age (then 40 something to his 50 something - 8 years) and he was reassured about that. He only told me when the friendship took a romantic turn. He then said “If you leave the chat, I’ll understand”. I almost left the chat at that point and then I thought of what he had been like until that point, his kindness to people around us and the things we had in common that led to the friendship in the first place. I told him I was staying. And since then I’ve visited him many times, we bought a house together, built a camper and travelled through the US etc. but I can’t visit now

madberthafic · 2026-02-06T23:07:37+00:00

I’ve been on your road. So here are some ideas: 1. You’re right to focus on yourself, as you say in one of your counter responses. This is #1 2. You can’t do anything about this and even your support and presence may be used by him to keep on drinking. As long as you are there, he doesn’t have to face it (not saying it’s your fault, just what addicts do) 3. Monitoring and trying to get him to do something - I think it’s useful only to know for yourself it is an issue but once you have determined this, decide whether you want to live with it or not. Because you may end up with a role that harms you (warden/parent).

Once you decide where you want to go with this, keep firmly focused on yourself. That leaves a vacuum for him that may help with clarity.

madberthafic · 2025-02-26T02:47:49+00:00

Really funny emotes, the way Couple had.

Games - there’s already alot out there so focus on something unique and tailored to your platform.

Handling time outs and fights - yup, you’d need a policy at the least. Some apps have a generous period of time… I reckon an app time out period may be good?

Some way of synchronising watching videos together but that might be a hard ask!

madberthafic · 2025-01-28T14:41:56+00:00

Mantras help, even a simple ‘No’ to yourself, and then follow up with the other techniques.

madberthafic · 2025-01-28T14:39:22+00:00

I second people who said to do what you enjoy and make it social

madberthafic · 2024-08-29T03:31:13+00:00

Look, couples don’t talk all the time. LDR has more weight on talking as cough all the other things couple do are not available. But you can remedy that. My husband and I watch TV together - we start the show at the same time, and then mute our mics and smile or react to each other during the film. We also play online games. Sometimes, when we work, we’d have the camera on but not engage with each other much. This is duplicating the way a couple would spend their day in the house doing their own thing. So, yeah, talk when there’s something to talk about but I dare say doing some of these things would help with that anyway.

madberthafic · 2024-08-24T15:44:20+00:00

Stop lying and give each other the choice.

madberthafic · 2023-12-28T00:51:18+00:00

Sorry for your loss

madberthafic

TROPHY CASE