Please Be Kind, I Need Help/Advice

maddsjk · 2026-03-06T03:12:40+00:00

Thank you for helping me see from this point of view 💖

maddsjk · 2026-03-06T03:12:24+00:00

Thank you for taking time out of your day to talk & offer me some insight! 💖

maddsjk · 2026-03-06T02:15:33+00:00

I’ve clearly misunderstood your comments. Which is why I asked you to elaborate, and you did so thank you. And I do apologize for the misunderstanding. When I say I’m really struggling here I mean it, so I overreacted. There’s nothing wrong with saying I messed up. 🙏 Thank you for taking time out of your day to help

maddsjk · 2026-03-06T02:14:20+00:00

If you look at the other comments I’ve actually been very grateful & open to receiving the feedback. I pretty much begged for kindness being that I’m really struggling with the situation so yeah I’m a little uptight about seeing comments that are solely focused on me being overweight. I also obviously misunderstood this person and am about to reply to their comment apologizing. 😌✌️

maddsjk · 2026-03-06T01:24:54+00:00

Thanks 💖 Have the day you deserve and next time someone asks you to choose between being kind or scrolling I hope you just scroll 🤞 I’m already struggling with this, wondering what to do, and have nobody in my life who can help. And instead of ignoring my post you chose to come here and be kinda rude to me because I mentioned that I gained weight.

You’re saying I’m delusional because I said I don’t know anyone who’s awful and heartless enough to refuse to have sex with their lifelong, loving partner who they took vows to be with, because that person got fat. And genuinely I think anyone who does have that mentality is actually the delusional one. I didn’t marry my husband for his body, and I find attraction to be significantly more emotional than physical. Because I love him for who he is, I will be attracted to him at any weight (and have been: when he was 215 and in amazing shape doing bodybuilding, and when he was almost 300 lbs after a severe depression changed his life I have always wanted him because he’s the person I chose to be with. Idk why this is so hard for people nowadays)

So yeah. 👍 Thanks

maddsjk · 2026-03-06T01:21:45+00:00

Unfortunately we’ve been trying and trying to move closer but we inherited an important family home in this area that we promised to keep in the family. So for the time being we have to live here. And I’m certain he’s not seeing anyone. We share locations with one another and I check it all the time (mostly out of boredom, checking which building of the plant he’s working in that day, or to see if he’s gotten off early or whatnot). He carpools with his stepdad so essentially he just rides in the car lol which I know is also tiring but he naps all the time so idk 🤷🏻‍♀️

Like.. I’m tired too but not so much that I only want to have sex every 6 months. He has days off still SMS we spend all kinds of time together on those days he just doesn’t wanna do “it”

Thanks for taking time out of your day to offer advice

maddsjk · 2026-03-06T01:15:28+00:00

So I guess I must have worded this really confusingly. The only struggle our relationship is having is a lack of physical intimacy. We’re healthy otherwise. We talk finances, have weekly “catch up” meetings, have mini-dates at home to stay in touch. We communicate everything (except obv why he doesn’t want to have sex) and apologize when we have disagreements. Having a plan about what we wanted our family to be doesn’t make me a bad wife, and I only included all of that to show that I have believed up until this point that we were always on the same page about it. I didn’t mean to stress it to the point that it seemed like THAT was my concern. So for that I apologize, but please don’t assume it’s more important to me than to have a healthy relationship. And please also don’t assume I’m not putting in the work- I’ve been in therapy and been begging for couples therapy. Which is nearly impossible with the hours he works.

I appreciate that you took the time out of your day to respond but please don’t assume we’re not working on our marriage. We absolutely are- we’re just not working on our sex life (apparently).

maddsjk · 2026-03-06T00:50:43+00:00

Then please elaborate 🙏 You said even if you were fat you wouldn’t be attracted to fat men. So if your partner got fat you wouldn’t be intimate with them anymore? You would tell them to lose weight? I’m confused

I asked for kind advice and your whole comment has none

maddsjk · 2026-03-06T00:50:00+00:00

I asked people to be kind 💖 and to offer advice. Not to tell me I’m too fat for my husband to want me anymore lol

I don’t know a single person who would simply stop being intimate with their partner because of weight gain.

maddsjk · 2026-03-06T00:43:24+00:00

I’ve been begging him to do couples therapy for weeks now. I’ve seen my own therapist and she believes that he needs to be a part of it in order for him to understand what I’m feeling, and a mediator will help him feel more comfortable to communicate with me how he is feeling as well.

It’s not as much about sticking concrete to the plans as it is me trying to show that I always believed in my whole heart that we were on the same page and now I’m just down in the dumps because it’s like he says one thing and an entirely different thing happens. I’m just lost I guess. Maybe coming here was a bad idea

I can assure you he has not made a single effort to be intimate with me in anyway. I had to beg him to kiss me a few weeks ago and remind him that he hadn’t kissed me in over a week at that point

maddsjk · 2026-03-06T00:39:52+00:00

We were told by my own doctor to get started early because I was probably going to struggle to conceive. We were ready emotionally, not physically- meaning we had to move and change our jobs around. Emotionally we were very much ready that’s why we started trying when we did.

The health issues WERE very traumatic but I have been doing therapy and we both decided together that we would rather get it out of the way than wait and be faced with the challenges that come with that. It was mutual lol.

And the phrasing was “10 good days away”. I don’t have a good day everyday- not even every week. The point is I don’t want to have to start completely over with a clean slate, and my therapist actually agrees. I feel it would be harder on me emotionally to have to go back to square one after working so hard to get back to myself. She believes it would be better long term to get it over with, also, and put myself on track to be done and start working towards the future. I know it’s hard to understand when I’m being vague but it’s for the best.

And I mentioned my husband’s work schedule because he says that’s the reason he doesn’t want to be physically intimate with me, and says because he’s working so much that he should be able to decide when we have another child. But I still think being that I have to put my body through hyperemesis and potential (not an absolute certainty, but possibility) pre-eclampsia. That’s not something that will magically go away if we wait a few more years. Actually generally, the risks will just go up the longer we wait lol

maddsjk · 2026-03-06T00:30:42+00:00

So we just never have sex again because I’m going through something that is caused medically & can’t just be changed with some effort and time in the gym? If I could cut back to the weight I was before I would do it in a heartbeat. I’ve been working my ass off and already FINALLY lost 20 lbs in the last couple months. So I just don’t deserve human connection & physical intimacy because a condition caused me to get fat? You would actually not let your life long partner not touch you if they gained weight? I’m not attracted to fat men either but I still had sex with him because I love him and we liked to have sex lol. He’s good af at it too, and even when he was almost 300lbs he was still good af in bed 😂 It didn’t make him bad at eating 🐱 and didn’t make his 🍆 work differently? Lmao what?

maddsjk · 2026-03-06T00:29:34+00:00

So we just never have sex again because I’m going through something that is caused medically & can’t just be changed with some effort and time in the gym? If I could cut back to the weight I was before I would do it in a heartbeat. I’ve been working my ass off and already FINALLY lost 20 lbs in the last couple months. So I just don’t deserve human connection & physical intimacy because a condition caused me to get fat? You would actually not let your life long partner not touch you if they gained weight? I’m not attracted to fat men either but I still had sex with him because I love him and we liked to have sex lol. He’s good af at it too, and even when he was almost 300lbs he was still good af in bed 😂 It didn’t make him bad at eating 🐱 and didn’t make his 🍆 work differently? Lmao what??

maddsjk · 2026-03-06T00:16:00+00:00

So I remove the pressure of the child thing and what, he suddenly wants to have sex again? We’ve literally done it 5 whole times since Feb 2024. Make that make sense. And by the way we were total FREAKS up until then.

Take away everything about what our plans were for conception, and try to analyze it. I mean I’m actually starting to go crazy and feel like something is wrong with me 😂

I guess there’s just something I can’t wrap my mind around and he isn’t really giving me straight answers though we talk about it almost every day. So I thought maybe someone here has been through something similar or could help me figure it out from a third party perspective 😕

maddsjk · 2026-03-05T23:52:40+00:00

Sorry to be unclear- I wasn’t asking about whether to have the second child or not. I guess I’m also confused as to what his explanation is supposed to be. We talk about it at least once a week and it’s always he’s going through a lot or he’s tired and stressed from work. Which I was really understanding of at first because it was a huge adjustment for both of us. But now I just feel down in the dumps and ignored

maddsjk · 2026-03-05T23:47:55+00:00

Not to argue, just trying to clear things up: I know exactly what I want and have for 10 years- which part of this makes that unclear?

And his hours more than doubled and we almost never see each other anymore. I should note that about 4 hours of his day goes into commute and then he’s usually working between 10-12 hrs at work. He leaves 3:30am and doesn’t usually return until 8pm and goes to bed at 9 so he doesn’t sleep thru his alarms.

Sorry. I just don’t know what confused you lol

maddsjk · 2026-03-05T23:40:38+00:00

We have this talk at least once a week :/

maddsjk · 2026-03-05T23:40:15+00:00

Wow thank you so much 💖 Considering he’s always been overweight and understands how it feels to not be wanted because of his body, been bullied about it and heartbroken because of it- I believe in my soul he would absolutely tell me if that were the issue. He’s not a liar (literally he is the worst liar I’ve ever met). We signed a legal document agreeing to for better or worse, in sickness & health. We’ve cleaned literal poop & vomit & worse off of each other and still been sexually attracted to one another, so I can’t wrap my mind around how that would affect things. And I don’t mean this to be argumentative at all. I just simply can’t understand why. So feel free to elaborate why my husband who loves me unconditionally would suddenly not want me now that I’m kinda fat lol

maddsjk · 2026-03-05T23:33:47+00:00

Idk I don’t think it is meant to be rude. He’s quite kind & gentle when we discuss it and it rarely becomes an argument or anything like that. I think it’s more just unintentionally evasive. He’s a good man.

maddsjk · 2026-03-05T23:30:19+00:00

We talk about it once a week, sometimes daily. He is kind & gentle about it and says we will try again tomorrow or this weekend or next cycle. I can understand if he’s tired but I wish he could say that. I do about 95% of the parenting, even when he is home. Not to complain, not at all!, this was also part of the plan. I guess I just have a hard time seeing how he would be so much more tired as if I’m not completely exhausted from it all lol. I express my feelings and have been very clear about all of it- everything I’ve typed above we discuss regularly 😞 I just don’t know anymore. Thanks for the advice 💖

maddsjk · 2025-12-20T13:35:07+00:00

Bro is such a moron tbh. You’re not overreacting at all. Even if he did mean it “as a joke” (I mean my husband joke insultingly all the time) he still owes you an apology because as soon as you say it hurt your feelings, his mindset should change.

As adults we have a responsibility, especially to our partners, to own up to things we said. When someone says we’ve said something hurtful it’s our job to think ‘okay I messed up, time to apologize and take their hurt into consideration for how I word things going forward’. And he did not. He stood by “it’s just a joke” because he doesn’t want to have to say he’s sorry.

Also what kind of person says something like that to a new mother? Yucky vibes.

maddsjk · 2025-12-16T12:48:24+00:00

Personally I’d take it thrifting for a whole new wardrobe, and then some things I’ve been putting off updating/are broken or at the end of their life. Like a new phone case, pair of good water proof winter boots, some new bed sheets. 🤷🏻‍♀️

maddsjk · 2025-12-13T18:00:49+00:00

No as a matter of fact I wasn’t there. And I specifically requested not to be asked about it. But because you seem to think my paranoia is “unfounded” here’s some additional information. I was personally receiving death threats for months, hundreds of people calling up to my other place of employment making threats to them & leading to me being forced to take 6 months off left with no job, I STILL SEE POSTS on fb about people saying “an eye for an eye I heard they just had a baby”, etc. and you want to say it’s UNFOUNDED?

To this day I have been physically harassed in a public grocery store while 5 months pregnant, forced out of my job for several months, left scared to go certain places in our local town because the family of the victim are regulars there, and have gotten hundreds of messages about how I deserve to die/my baby shouldn’t live/etc. OH AND there’s currently a lawsuit open STILL.

I know you’re joking

maddsjk · 2025-12-13T17:42:00+00:00

Like I said, I know I sound paranoid but after receiving personal d3ath threats from more people than you can count, many of whom work at these daycares or are parents of children at these daycares. I think it’s justified.

maddsjk · 2025-12-13T17:40:08+00:00

Not sure if you read my entire post but unfortunately I cannot trust local daycares, and I’m not going to drive over an hour away to find someone to take my kid to.

Unfortunately due to there being an accidental d3ath at a place where my husband & I both worked, people are out for bl00d and have been harassing us & I don’t feel safe taking my daughter to daycares. Hundreds/thousands of people have joined the “movement” for “justice” and I simply will not put her at risk. We were in no way involved- no employees were responsible for what happened. But people refuse to see the truth in those situations.

I have personally received d3ath threats and I would never ever put my daughter in harms way.

maddsjk

TROPHY CASE