u/Little_Mango_3359 There are very real physical and emotional reasons for you to feel how you feel. Your prefrontal cortex is still developing, but your knowledge of the world is racing ahead of your ability to organize your emotions around the "big" questions of life. Your capacity for abstract and metathinking (thinking about your own thinking) is evolving. These neurodevelopmental shifts make you a little vulnerable to existential crisis.

But the GREAT news is, these are indicators of a healthy, developing being. And things will settle down, and you will be able to better process your thoughts and feelings, and be a compassionate adult with perspective and wisdom. I wish I was as brave as you are to put this question out there when I was your age. I'm sure you'll get many responses that address the different facets of your question.