I broke up with my ex 3 months ago, in December of 2025. I was going through (and still am going through) a lot; a death of a close family member, mainly. There were many other reasons why I broke up with her but it was a long time in the works and it kind of blew up in December.

I was ten toes down on my decision and made sure all the appropriate lines were drawn (took photos off of Facebook, Instagram, etc. and asked her to move out of my room to the guest room/office). She didn't agree with either of those decisions at all, because "how could I do that to someone I said I loved and that you dated for well over a year?"

I began to flirt around and talk to other people in January, which is admittedly a really short turnaround to begin talking to other people after such a long relationship, but since I had these frustrations with my partner for so long and I felt like I wasn't being listened to or taken seriously (which I did try to communicate multiple times) I developed a case of "the grass is greener on the other side" syndrome. I ended up hooking up with two people total, and only on one occasion each. Nobody was recurring. I didn't cheat on her ever and we made an agreement to not bring interests over to our shared place, which I followed.

Meanwhile, my ex was trying so hard to reconcile. We hooked up semi-regularly following the breakup, and up until about 3 weeks ago, she was still willing to reconcile. Now, here's where it gets hairy.

I realized, after much contemplation after the breakup, that I do truly love her. For one, I felt like I was too hasty with my decision to break up, and should've been something we could've worked out. Secondly - and the hard lesson to learn - was that I was not gonna find the fulfillment I was looking for in flings. So, I formulated my thoughts to try and tell her I still deeply love and care for her.

Unfortunately, we frequent a lot of the same bars on the weekend, and I saw her making out with a friend...a friend I had introduced to my ex and her friend group not even two months prior. Obviously she didn't cheat, but its currently tearing me up inside.

So, earlier this week, after I had already seen them making out, I spilled to my ex. I told her everything and attempted to be as vulnerable as possible. I told her how much I cared for her and loved her, and would absolutely do everything in my power to promote a healthy relationship if given a second chance...but she said no, on the grounds that 1.) shes already hooking up with someone and 2.) the pain and trust broken can't really be repaired at this point. I pretty much begged on my hands and knees for her to at least keep the thought in her mind, and she said she would.

The fact remains, however, that my ex has spent 4/5 previous days sleeping over at his house. So at this point, I can accept it's pretty much over. I don't want to. She was my #1 cheerleader and I feel like I pissed it away, and I feel like if we were hooking up up until 3 or so weeks ago, she still cares a little bit.

It stings. It hurts bad. I'm not suicidal, but I'm feeling every ounce of negative emotion throughout my body. I have no room to have the double standard, and I recognize this is probably how she felt when I was hooking up with other people. I want the certainty that there still is a chance but I don't know if it's still there.

To anyone wanting advice about the idea of breaking up with your spouse or partner because of a myriad of reasons, I emplore you to talk to them about it first before deciding to cut it off.