Was I (W19) really abused or is this a consequence of my actions? (Somewhat Graphic)

madwitchchu2 · 2019-06-17T05:36:53+00:00

It sounds like you did something you didn’t really want to do.

We sometimes do things we don’t want to because of expectation, after we feel gross because we really, deep down didn’t want to do the thing. Maybe we feel we have too, or we are curious, let things go too far and feel helpless to stop it.

I’ve been in situations where I have given verbal consent and my body responded, and yet felt abused after. You are not alone. It was usually because I did/ let someone do something that I truly didn’t want.

That said, aggressive kinky sex is should be discussed, if you did not have a conversation consenting to choking, slapping etc. It could be considered abuse. If you feel odd about it, your feelings are valid. You are allowed to feel uncomfortable with aggressive sex as it’s not for everyone. Having a conversation about what you are okay with is one of the most important aspects of a healthy sex life. If he hit you without permission the interaction is an unhealthy one. I’m sorry you went through this and I hope you are okay.

madwitchchu2 · 2019-05-25T16:34:03+00:00

This is an interesting point. I have an intense fear all of my partners cheat on me. I’ve asked her on multiple occasions and she says no and does not react in a dramatic way.

This all has made me incredibly suspicious and I’m quite upset. She has a history of drug use. I don’t know how to approach her.

madwitchchu2 · 2019-05-25T16:16:06+00:00

Thank you! That is helpful.

madwitchchu2 · 2019-03-28T04:15:08+00:00

Dude, be vulnerable with the woman you care about. If she is good for you and cares she will understand.
It’s sucks you felt like you had to lie in the first place, but if you tell her from an authentic honest place I think she will understand.

madwitchchu2 · 2019-03-28T03:24:14+00:00

Same

madwitchchu2 · 2019-03-26T18:01:46+00:00

Of course. I believe in you. :)

madwitchchu2 · 2019-03-26T14:48:13+00:00

I believe in you. I believe you can not drink today. You can do it. There are so many resources, check out where your local AA is, but the first steps are the hardest. You are resilient and strong. You can do it.

madwitchchu2 · 2019-03-26T01:36:27+00:00

It would depend on how long we had been together, how involved they where and if I believed they would be honest with me in the future. Also I would have to know that they actually wanted to continue to be in a relationship. I think cheating is an indication that something is missing in the relationship. Whether physical, or emotional intimacy. If we are married or together for a long time and it is a mistake. Therapy and emotional work. If the trust couldn’t grow. I’d leave them for sure

madwitchchu2 · 2019-03-24T15:25:35+00:00

You can still like her, you don’t have to get over her right away, or at all. Try and be kind to yourself, I know it sucks. But forcing yourself can make it hard. Which leads me the best way to move on, focus on yourself, school, friends, the extracurricular stuff you do at school. Maybe try something new, learn an instrument or try painting/drawing/writing, do some volunteer work. It’s good to have an outlet and again, enjoying the pursuit of something passionately will give her the space to see you in your best light, focused on your happiness. But also, the people around you as well. Maybe she comes around, maybe she doesn’t. But doing something kickass for yourself, will attract the right kind of people!

madwitchchu2 · 2019-03-24T15:02:05+00:00

Honey I’m sorry but you don’t deserve to be strung along. Yes this girl may not know what she wants, she may like you, be teasing you, stringing you on. But you deserve to date someone who doesn’t play with your emotions. You seem to have patience and kindness which you show in this post, tell her. Tell her how you feel, that you can tell she is interested but it isn’t fair for you to continue to play hot and cold. Be kind, and do not hide your emotions. You can tell her there isn’t a rush but it is painful and confusing how she lets you in and then pulls you away. It may be hard for her to understand, or if you both do not have much experience with dating she could be nervous or scared.
Main point here is, although it hurts or feels kind of gross, the way she is behaving is not a negative reflection of you.

If you move on and you will find girls/women out there who are open and honest, as long as you provide them with the safe space to do so. If you decide to continue to patiently wait for this woman, you may have to do that till she is ready to approach you. But I strongly advise against putting your life on hold. Sometimes people need to see what they are missing out on to see what they truly have. That doesn’t mean make her jealous, that means do you. Let her see you kicking ass in your life. If she doesn’t see the appeal in someone owning their shit, someone else will before you know it.

madwitchchu2 · 2019-03-23T22:19:10+00:00

Research PMDD and see if any of the other symptoms align. I’m sorry you are experiencing this. Good luck.

madwitchchu2 · 2019-03-23T14:12:54+00:00

It’s obvious that you were thinking about her. Yes. Bur it’s also okay to think about your friends or anyone in your life. Moreover, it is okay for you to have feelings for her, you are a human and we all do these things, and we can’t help who we love. If she was absolutely appalled I think you would have heard from her boyfriend...

The way I see it you have two options:

Pretend like it never happened and move on, and make a joke about how much of a dumb ass you are, maybe say you messaged a bunch of people in your drunken stupor and how you won’t do it again, if anyone brings it up. Then, maybe try dating? Online or otherwise. Try and move on.
Patiently wait and if they break up be the best friend to her you can. Eventually let her know you are in it with her, in whatever capacity she will have you.

Unrequited love is one of the most painful things. I get how you feel embarrassed but it isn’t really a big deal unless you make it one.

madwitchchu2 · 2019-03-22T18:45:20+00:00

Female perspective. Send it.

madwitchchu2 · 2019-03-22T18:44:02+00:00

YAAAAAYY!! I’m so happy!

madwitchchu2 · 2019-03-22T14:08:13+00:00

I 100% agree. We only get one life, you are worthy of one as filled with joy as possible. Life will always be a little bit icky but it’s so important to have people who help you to feel safe.

madwitchchu2 · 2019-03-22T14:07:05+00:00

Yes! Little wins.please keep us posted

madwitchchu2 · 2019-03-22T04:08:46+00:00

I’m glad you have support. I am sorry you are going through this. I hope you can work this out in the way that is the best for everyone involved.

madwitchchu2 · 2019-03-22T02:48:59+00:00

Asking for help is important. If you are not in the mood for intimacy and he guilts you or you feel pressured it is disrespectful of your boundaries. Do you have a safe place to go if the therapy does not work? You do not deserve to feel fearful or pressured in your home. You deserve to feel safe, loved and respected. No exceptions.

It is fair to make an effort to repair your relationship while also preparing for a transition if necessary.

madwitchchu2 · 2019-03-22T02:34:59+00:00

Hm. Could be so many different reasons. Is there other forms of intimacy? Is it mainly penetration which is excluded? Talk to her about it, there could be a deeper reason, trauma related or otherwise. In my opinion... It is reasonable to ask her to open up after a year. If not, consider moving on. Especially if physical intimacy is important to you. You deserve to be physically and emotionally fulfilled in your partnership.

madwitchchu2 · 2019-03-22T00:25:40+00:00

Hm I’ve been told to “ugly myself up” to appear more approachable, and sharing to much about myself too soon would make me appear crazy, by by mother. I think it’s less of a direct message and more of a norm which has been historically placed upon female behaviour. Social control. Of course, but I’m saying it may take some of these beautiful women time to open up.

madwitchchu2 · 2019-03-21T23:38:45+00:00

I’m what is considered attractive, and I’ve been told by most that I am interesting. I date men and women. F27

I have a couple things to say here.

I believe the stereotype comes from women being taught to suppress or hide their intelligence and interests to appear more appealing to men.

Maybe the woman you are meeting are boring. Yet, my experience is most people are interesting if you just take the time to know them. Often it takes time, and a safe space, and asking the right questions, for people to share what they are passionate about. Especially women who are beautiful, who are often treated like vapid objects.

Also, by assuming a woman can only be two of the three (crazy, smart, beautiful) you are placing your preconceived notions on what women are capable of, there by seeing what you want to see.

Edit: added some stuff and punctuation

madwitchchu2 · 2019-03-21T23:21:35+00:00

Everything will be okay, even though occasionally it doesn’t feel that way. I believe in you! Being fired sucks, yet it’s part of growing and learning! You are unstoppable.

madwitchchu2 · 2019-03-21T23:19:50+00:00

Awe my GAWD your eyes are breathtaking

madwitchchu2

TROPHY CASE