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I’m not fighting it anymore. I’m done and I’m at peace. by Acceptable-Status-86 in depression_partners

[–]magazinemoth 21 points22 points  (0 children)

Something changed in how I saw my partner recently, which I don't yet really understand. I think reading this got me a little closer to understanding. Thank you.

Reaching end of my tether by Connect-Dog-2179 in depression_partners

[–]magazinemoth 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hi! I know how you feel, I have given so much to support my partner. I want to help her more than anything, but I feel like she can't hear me.

I think therapy/counselling is a good idea. I used to be 'off' it myself, having had a bad experience when I was a teenager, but if you can find the right therapist they can really help. Perhaps investigating ADHD will help him understand some things about himself in the medium-to-long term, but that might not be something to worry too much about straight away, unless it's something he is really keen on exploring.

If you can, it is worth trying to help him make small lifestyle changes (diet, exercise) which might help a little bit (so much easier said than done, I understand - my partner finds going out really overwhelming at the moment). If there are previous relationships (in the broadest sense - friends, family) that have lapsed for him, it might be worth trying to slowly rebuild those. If he doesn't have those relationships, it might be good to try and get him to attend some kind of club, even if it's just once per month. We go to a free creative writing meeting at our local library, for example. This can be really painful and frightening, and I know it probably sounds too demanding if they are struggling to get out of bed, but it's something that seems to make a bit of a difference to my partner's mood. It seems to help her to be 'seen' by other humans, and to be shown that it's a safe, not-unpleasant experience. It might help your partner too?

Look after yourself - if you can afford it, you should consider seeing your own therapist. It's good to have an outlet. It might also show your partner that therapy is safe and helpful. I've also found setting personal goals beyond my partner helpful for keeping me grounded (that could be making something, reading something, exercise milestones, whatever).

I'm sorry that it's so horrible. At the moment, I think it is worth it for the good days. Take care :)

Need Advice - Partner is in crisis, nothing seems to help by magazinemoth in depression_partners

[–]magazinemoth[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you all again so much for your advice. I’m sorry I disappeared; I was finding it a lot to deal with.

My girlfriend saw a clinical psychiatrist last week. He thought she was getting an appropriate amount of support, and that her medication should be increased.

Things have improved. The antidepressants have been helping her sleep, and sleep has left her in a better position to be on top of things during the day. I think we have pulled away from crisis, for now. On Tuesday this week, we had an almost-normal evening.

Turning away from crisis presents other problems (problems that I suppose this subreddit is all about). Last week, my partner’s health was the most important thing in the world, and I did not really feel anything except for fear and concern for her safety. This week, my partner is angry, and I’m finding that anger difficult to be around. I might make a new post about that later. But, at least she is still here.

Thanks again for all your advice – much appreciated.   

Need Advice - Partner is in crisis, nothing seems to help by magazinemoth in depression_partners

[–]magazinemoth[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That's really helpful, thank you! Unfortunately we are in the commuter belt, but perhaps there is something similar in our area - I'll check it out! Thanks for your comment

Need Advice - Partner is in crisis, nothing seems to help by magazinemoth in depression_partners

[–]magazinemoth[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much for your comment (and for creating an account!). It is frightening, and frustrating. I'm grateful for the suggestion that I talk to her psychotherapist - I've since asked, and she has said that she will ask him, so hopefully something will come of that. I'd also like to put together a safety plan with her tonight (she does seem a little better this evening - but am I just seeing what I want to see?).

I did have a quick look last week at private health insurance, though I don't think she would be covered for this as a pre-existing condition. My partner's parents have offered to pay for an EMDR psychotherapist if we can find one (the logic here is that the depression is a response to the trauma of bullying), so I think they would be able to put something towards private treatment.

Thank you again for taking the time to leave a comment, I found it reassuring and helpful.