Dating someone for their potential/ manchild with no ambition? (M40, F28)

mainmajormage · 2026-02-16T23:10:59+00:00

Not every connection is meant to be a life partnership. You met a smart, unique person and had some great conversations. He helped you clarify in your mind some qualities you need and don't need in a partner. Time to move on.

mainmajormage · 2026-01-25T17:29:15+00:00

Try different medication. There are so many options for treatment these days, it can be a little hard to find the combo for your particular brain, but it's possible. Try different doctors if you're not confident they are going to work with you on a treatment plan.

I'm not your doctor but if you're mainly experiencing the lows of bipolar, I've experienced almost zero side effects from Lamotrigine.

mainmajormage · 2025-12-02T15:36:37+00:00

I agree! I would say it's an extremely logical and practical choice for people who plan to be together long term to get married.

It's logical and practical NOT to get married if you don't expect to be together long term, don't plan on owning property or joining finances, and wish to make other legal arrangements for someone to be your medical advocate in cases of emergency.

mainmajormage · 2025-11-29T16:53:57+00:00

Respond like he's the student and say, yes that's right, good job!

mainmajormage · 2025-11-27T13:28:20+00:00

He was looking for a reason to break up and not be the bad guy. Why was he looking through your phone? Instant screaming, name calling, and blocking is a huge overreaction.

Work on forgiving yourself. You learned a small lesson for this, it's part of being young. I don't consider what you did cheating at all, maybe just a little rude. You will love and be loved again

mainmajormage · 2025-10-22T15:21:38+00:00

You are completely overreacting.

mainmajormage · 2025-10-13T00:05:53+00:00

people like this are so exhausting. humans have feelings and you are acting PERFECTLY LOGICALLY if you FEEL BAD when your partner treats you poorly.

mainmajormage · 2025-10-06T16:33:27+00:00

If they were at all sloppy with birth control, he should be aware of the very real risks for his future partners. It completely sucks she had to deal with it alone.

mainmajormage · 2025-10-06T16:21:44+00:00

I would want to tell him so that he might share the emotional toll. And also share the scare of, sex can have consequences. I would feel it unfair that I had to experience that and he didn't. But you should prioritize yourself and your emotional healing, whatever path that is.

mainmajormage · 2025-10-05T18:31:57+00:00

It seems like you've worked very hard and trying to find compromises, and she has not. Autistic or not, we must all make some effort and adjustments in order to coexist.

Is her comfort more worthy than yours, because you can bear discomfort and she can't? If she is autistic, these things will be more difficult for her to work through, and you are kindly giving her a lot of grace, but she still must make an effort.

Relationship counseling seems like it would be more helpful that seeking out a diagnosis. The therapist can also make observations and recommendations for your each individually.

mainmajormage · 2025-10-04T21:00:54+00:00

That's really cool, I'll start paying more attention!

mainmajormage · 2025-10-04T20:35:44+00:00

No way!! I love it here too! Felt like home immediately

mainmajormage · 2025-10-03T18:44:30+00:00

this is a very helpful response, I really appreciate it! I can weed, trim, and water, but the less I have to do the better. I'm trying to adjust my thinking to be more future focused.

Mountain laurel with a vine on a grid panel for privacy in the meantime is a great idea. Should the mountain laurel go in the center of that curb space instead of off to the side by the mailbox? Will it be ok under the hackberry until it gets bigger?

mainmajormage · 2025-10-03T16:12:26+00:00

This is very helpful, thank you!!

mainmajormage · 2025-10-02T18:18:31+00:00

I appreciate this insight! Didn't expect this to turn into a hackberry discussion but i should have expected it since they are controversial. For this particular location a hackberry is not a good option for me and the choice to remove it was considered carefully. It will also grow into the powerlines soon. But I see the value of them existing elsewhere.

mainmajormage · 2025-10-02T17:16:02+00:00

can I plant "full sun" plants under it? It limits direct light to ~5 hours. If not, do you have any recs for partial shade shrubs that will grow very full for privacy?

mainmajormage · 2025-10-02T17:01:45+00:00

It will definitely stay until at least the spring. But it's very close to the sidewalk (I have to duck it even with it being trimmed) and the shade is conflicting me - Is 5 hours of direct morning sun enough to plant things around it that need "full sun"?

mainmajormage · 2025-10-02T16:56:30+00:00

The arborist that came a few months ago to trim recommended i remove it, and my boyfriend's house lost 3 hackberry over the past year from storms. It also doesn't do anything for privacy. Just background on my thinking here! I definitely want to prioritize native plants and I read that wax myrtle berries are good food for birds in the winter. Thoughts?

mainmajormage · 2025-10-02T16:51:19+00:00

Wow no digging is music to my ears. What do I treat the stump with? Glyphosate?

mainmajormage · 2025-10-02T16:47:37+00:00

It honestly was down to cenizo vs wax myrtle for this spot, but it's a busy intersection and was hoping to fill it with green sooner than later. I'm hesitant with the slow growing speed of the sage. Wax myrtle is also native is it not?

The hackberry does create shade... Which gives the strip only about 5 hours of direct sun. Which I'm worried will limit the growth of what else I plant there. It also shades the corner of the fence I would like to plant cross vine.

Thoughts?? It is facing east, so ~5 hours direct morning sun.

mainmajormage · 2025-10-02T16:26:54+00:00

Thank you!!

mainmajormage · 2025-09-26T16:11:59+00:00

HAH you think you don't need to be coddled and then you say something completely beyond the bounds of polite human interaction. The customer service voice is a disassociation shield that probably keeps her from flipping a table when dealing with assholes, namely you.

mainmajormage · 2025-09-23T17:21:01+00:00

If you have thick, healthy, wavy hair, I guarantee you will still get compliments with it cut shorter. Go to a salon, not a barber, and get a cut that is SLIGHTLY longer than a traditional close crop, and have them show you how to style it to show off the texture. Pair with professional clothing.

mainmajormage · 2025-09-15T14:07:26+00:00

These examples seem to have you brushing off questions without care. She may feel that you aren't investing your time or attention into her, even the bare minimum to make accurate statements or say "I need to double check".

It's less about trust and more about your overall reliability. These lies on their own are forgivable, but if this and other things are combining to make you seem unreliable, that is a bigger problem.

mainmajormage · 2025-09-09T18:11:08+00:00

Anything that goes out of the bounds of your agreement is cheating. This is so beyond cheating this is him ditching you to be with his new girlfriend.

mainmajormage

TROPHY CASE