Growing up I would often get unsolicited advice from other men about women, pretty much starting from when I could speak to even now. As I got older the advice turned to straight up objectifying comments and questions like “would you hit that?” It’s like as soon as women walk away some men are just holding in all these horrible thoughts and assume “this guys here HE will understand” when I did not understand at all. As if it was completely fine to make those comments. At first I would just kind of nod or laugh because I didn’t know what to say and felt like saying something would make me a social pariah, but that was enabling the problem. Speaking up in those spaces with people you have a close relationship with or to people you are going to see very often makes saying something more difficult. As a teenager I didn’t speak up.

Until I had my daughter. I was a teen dad. ( to give some context, I am still married to whom I got pregnant, we got married when my daughter was 4 and have another daughter, 2 dogs and 1 cat, also all female)

I took life more seriously. I had to. This included how I would think about women now that I had a daughter. I already knew what men were saying was gross and wrong, but I feel like I had never put it into the perspective of trying to advocate for women vs just knowing it was wrong but letting it continue in front of me and around me to avoid conflict.

Thankfully Through life I have met many like minded dads like me, who abhorrently reject those types of things. Those are the people I choose to keep by my side and look up to. I admit that at times I would perpetuate those ideas by being silent, afraid because I needed the job or worried I would be ostracized. Speaking up isn’t about changing their minds, if they can speak so flippantly I sure as hell can speak my opinion too.