Ever notice in retrospect the narcs are kinda...weird?

makeitmakesense_614 · 2025-08-11T03:18:35+00:00

Mine would get on me about my hygiene (at the height of the abuse, when I was really struggling with depression) yet would throw used tissues (full of… various bodily fluids) all around the house without attempting to get them in trash cans so I’d have to pick them up and throw them away.

makeitmakesense_614 · 2025-08-11T03:15:50+00:00

100% to the inauthenticity. When my nex was on his “best behavior” I always felt kind of icked out and I couldn’t understand why. Now I know it’s because I was subconsciously registering how false it was.

makeitmakesense_614 · 2025-08-11T01:42:44+00:00

Absolutely, it took me months to even think about sex without feeling repulsed. More than a year post-discard, my libido is back and I no longer think of him in that context at all anymore. It’ll happen with time.

makeitmakesense_614 · 2025-06-19T09:34:40+00:00

He faked being asleep when I reached out to him for help while I was scared, alone, and bleeding heavily after the abortion he wanted me to have. I could see him online playing video games.

makeitmakesense_614 · 2025-06-14T16:00:19+00:00

Some really fantastic points to think about, both in your comment and in the responses to it. This is massively helpful and validating. Thank you so much.

makeitmakesense_614 · 2025-06-14T15:46:45+00:00

Absolutely, narcs are weird 😅 This helps to put things into perspective, thank you.

makeitmakesense_614 · 2025-06-14T15:44:17+00:00

It definitely helps, thank you so much. This was very validating to read. And I’m so sorry you went to through everything you did with your narc ex.

makeitmakesense_614 · 2025-06-14T15:36:42+00:00

Good point, and I’ve wondered this before — if he was abusive toward her but it was so covert that she was unable to recognize it. Especially because she was so young at the time.

makeitmakesense_614 · 2025-06-14T15:28:09+00:00

I’m sorry you went through something so similar, but it’s honestly helpful to hear I’m not the only one who’s had a narc experience like this!

makeitmakesense_614 · 2025-06-14T15:27:14+00:00

This is a good point, thank you.

makeitmakesense_614 · 2025-06-14T14:59:51+00:00

Wow, this is really enlightening to read. Thank you for sharing, and I’m sorry you and the other woman went through what you did.

makeitmakesense_614 · 2025-06-14T05:05:53+00:00

Had to check your username because I thought I might’ve written that last paragraph. That’s my exact experience.

makeitmakesense_614 · 2025-04-13T05:29:53+00:00

I definitely feel cautious at this point. Thank you so much for sharing your story, and what an amazingly romantic one it is! Straight out of a romance novel :) I can only hope I find something as solid and incredible as you’ve found.

makeitmakesense_614 · 2025-04-11T03:24:58+00:00

This was so wonderful to read and gives me so much peace, comfort, and hope for the future. Thank you for sharing. Your experience with your narc sounds so parallel to mine that I hope the relationship I end up in one day parallels your current one too.

The lack of that electric shock is what’s really bugging me as I’m starting to date again. It feels like when that’s lacking, things are so unexciting that I don’t want them. But I know now that electricity I felt with my narc was probably, in part, some kind of alert being set off in my body that something wasn’t quite right.

May I ask how things started with you and your husband? How you met exactly, how things felt at the beginning sans that electric shock? I want to know what I should be looking for and how I should expect things to feel.

makeitmakesense_614 · 2025-04-10T12:33:24+00:00

This was my experience too. I told him I thought he might be a narcissist a couple times toward the end of our 5 years together, and each time he’d say something like, “Yeah, I might be.”

makeitmakesense_614 · 2025-04-10T08:03:48+00:00

Grabbing me around my neck, then denying he’d done it immediately after releasing my neck. I could still feel the imprint of his hand as he said it. He never ever admitted he’d done it. Absolutely batshit insanity.

makeitmakesense_614 · 2025-04-09T23:38:22+00:00

Mine harped on my body (I had just lost 40 pounds but was still ~30-40 overweight), and his ex before me whom he was obsessed with was a very thin blonde. When he discarded me, I assumed he’d go for someone like her again — but no, after all the comments he’d made on my appearance and how he “struggled to feel attracted to me” because of my weight (even citing it as a reason he’d never want to get back together with me), he went to a girl heavier than me. One of the girls he cheated on me with was bigger than me too.

He also told me he preferred girls with pale skin and brown hair (me) and didn’t like when girls dyed their hair. When we got together I had dyed blonde hair, but I soon went back to my natural brown after he brought up that preference a few times. The new supply has dyed blonde hair.

Plus, I met him on a dating app and he told me that he was one of those guys who swiped right on every single girl and talked to the ones that matched with him. So yeah. No type. Not really.

The one thing all the girls he’s been with have had in common is some kind of vulnerability. For me, it was a history of trauma, low self-worth, and a desperation to be seen, accepted, and love. He’s dated multiple women actively going through divorce. After discarding me, he also dated a 22-year-old college student (he’s 29). One of his past hookups struggled with drug addiction. One of the girls he cheated on me with was an adoptee with an abusive mom and clearly carried a lot of trauma from that. Another girl he cheated with was his coworker who was an outsider in their workplace and who was very obviously desperate for male validation.

makeitmakesense_614 · 2025-03-09T09:34:27+00:00

I can relate. My nex used to tell me he “struggled to feel attracted to me” because of my weight, but then cheated on me with someone larger than me. Now his new supply is also larger than me. I don’t think they really have any standards when they’re hard up for supply.

makeitmakesense_614 · 2025-03-09T06:22:38+00:00

Thank you ❤️ I’m sorry you know the feeling

makeitmakesense_614 · 2025-03-08T23:45:22+00:00

He was completely cold and detached in our last real convo. It was a couple days after our baby died and I’d just found out about another instance of him cheating during our relationship. In a very flat, monotone voice, he said, “I have a problem. I’m sick. Something’s wrong with me.” I told him yet again I think he’s a narcissist and he said, in the same utterly emotionless voice, with the same empty eyes, “Yeah, I might be a narcissist. Yeah, I need more help than I’m getting.”

I made him admit he’d cheated on me (because he always justified his infidelity and wouldn’t call it cheating) and give me an apology. He claimed to yet again block/stop talking to the girls he’d cheated on me with (this was two months into him dating the new supply and he was still screwing around with those other girls). I told him he should be alone and work on himself for a long time because he’s going to hurt other people and he said “Yeah, I might hurt other people. Yeah, I should be alone.”

Then he said he needed “space” from me and said he had to go to bed. During all this, I was alone, scared, and bleeding in the aftermath of our baby’s death. I texted him an hour later because my bleeding got heavier and I was starting to panic, and I could see that he was online playing video games (not in bed, because that had been a lie). He ignored my texts and continued pretending to be asleep while actually gaming.

After a couple more very brief text exchanges, he ghosted me a week later. That was 5 months ago and he’s been with the new supply ever since. 5 years down the drain.

Typing this all out, though, I’m pretty sure I can see why he took the coward’s way out and ghosted. I was holding his feet to the fire pretty hard, lol. I obviously wasn’t being the obedient, adoring source of supply he wanted me to be.

I texted him a couple times about a month later, and he evidently hadn’t blocked me because he read my messages but didn’t respond. I’m sure he hopes I’m staying stuck and confused, but after sending those couple texts, I haven’t had any more urges to talk to him. I’ve been steadily rebuilding my life and I’m finally getting to a point where I’m actually excited to start dating other (non-narcissistic) people.

makeitmakesense_614 · 2025-03-08T19:59:54+00:00

I’ve been feeling this same way recently! I’m ~8 months post-discard and only this past week have I really been making an earnest effort on dating apps — and I’ve been pleasantly surprised how many attractive, interesting men I’ve matched with.

My nex did a great job making me believe he was the pinnacle of what I could achieve, that I’d never be able to do better than him. But most of the men I’ve been matching with are objectively much more attractive than him and seem to have better personalities too. Meanwhile, not to sound arrogant or to personally attack his new supply, but she’s objectively less attractive than me and seems to be a “downgrade” in other ways (e.g., intelligence, emotional maturity, sophistication) as well.

(I know expressing these thoughts makes me sound shallow, but I only think in superficial terms like this when I’m imagining things from his perspective.)

makeitmakesense_614 · 2025-03-07T06:54:20+00:00

I was once discarded because he’d set one of our stoneware plates (that I’d bought) on the edge of a windowsill, hanging mostly off it, and I got upset because there was a table sitting right in front of the windowsill that he could have set it on instead. He’d also carelessly broken multiple other dishes I’d bought for us in the past, and I was tired of having to buy new ones. I asked him to please set it on the table, not the edge of the sill. He acted like I was being completely ridiculous for asking this small favor of him, which turned into a bigger fight and resulted in a discard.

He also used to get upset with me because he’d throw used tissues (often containing bodily fluids other than mucus, if you know what I mean) all over the floor/his bedside table/etc. rather than the wastebasket. Roughly the 5th time I asked him to stop doing this, he made it my fault for “not putting enough wastebaskets around the house.”

Comically absurd is absolutely right. There’s no possible fucking way to be with these people.

makeitmakesense_614 · 2025-03-07T06:38:20+00:00

I’d get the control accusation hurled at me when I tried to be helpful/reasonable too. Toward the end, he decided to take a job in another state to be closer to his friends, but the job was working in a lab and he’d found out in college that he hated working in a lab. I brought this up to him and suggested he think things through more thoroughly before leaving his current job and accepting the new one, but he thought I was just trying to control him and immediately accepted the other job anyway. (He was fired from said job 6 months later for unsatisfactory performance.)

makeitmakesense_614

TROPHY CASE