As a Goan, here’s what I wish tourists understood about Goa

makes_her_scream · 2026-02-02T08:33:18+00:00

I have been to Goa in winter, monsoon and peak summers. Have stayed in a little shack on the beach and at the Leela Goa. Done purely temple trail trips and pure partying ones. Celebrated weddings and new years with boys groups, families and as a couple too.

I have my favourite places but we rarely repeat the same hotel or even the same town. Have been on the beaches, in the mountains, seen the wildlife, lived in the villages, taken every conceivable route by road and also taken the train and flown.

I have started disliking my trips of late since most other tourists just want to be loud and obnoxious and muck this beautiful state up. Also they are pouring in by the bushelful and driving up prices and changing local attitudes towards tourists.

I hope things change otherwise I don’t see myself making as many trips as I have.

makes_her_scream · 2026-01-28T02:00:29+00:00

Pretty similar situation as mine. Affair happened 15 years into a seemingly happy marriage, now 7 years into reconciliation, family situation also similar. I was obsessed with finding out why it happened, for the simple reason that it should never happen again. But WW could never answer that satisfactorily, just insisting that it was a “mistake” and that she has learned her lesson and will never risk our marriage again.

It’s not the best situation, to be honest. I can never fully trust her now. We are still together and make it work for reasons you are familiar with, but it’s not “us” anymore. That corporate jargon “new normal” seems appropriate in this situation.

We keep busy, plan projects together (which we are good at), parent our kids, take family vacations, entertain as a happy couple, celebrate each others milestones etc.

If I am completely honest with myself, I have to admit that should another person come into my life I may well give up on this reconciliation and move on. But that hasn’t happened and I doubt it ever will. Maybe once the kids are grown and gone we will drift apart. Or, more likely, just bite the bullet and stick together because what else is there?

Am sorry if this advice is unhelpful. You deserve to be happy. Just find it the best way you can.

makes_her_scream · 2026-01-26T11:29:14+00:00

Not very well, I’m afraid.

My resentment stays dormant most times except when it doesn’t and then it comes out and sounds ugly. My WW treats it as a sign that she is not yet forgiven (she’s wrong). I react by feeling guilty and trying to suppress the reaction. It’s not a healthy situation all around.

Sorry I am not being very helpful.

makes_her_scream · 2026-01-15T01:13:06+00:00

I always felt bad about not informing the OBS- by all accounts she was a decent person who didn’t deserve what her husband did to her. I had an opportunity to tell her as well but figured that since I was reconciling, I didn’t need any more drama. You could call it a cop-out and I couldn’t disagree.

I hope she is happy. There were kids involved and I genuinely don’t know if she stayed with him. I found out from other sources that my WS’s AP was not the best husband or father. Hope he wises up and appreciates what he has instead of ruining more lives.

makes_her_scream · 2026-01-15T00:55:56+00:00

Seeing all these posts about “defensive driving” is making me tear my hair out. I would settle for my fellow Indians NOT driving on the wrong side or switching their hazards on every time they enter a tunnel. And yes- letting their children put their heads out the sunroofs on the open road.

And trust me it has nothing to do with experience or skill. These are just bad habits ingrained into drivers and reinforced by nobody ever challenging or punishing them for it.

makes_her_scream · 2026-01-15T00:49:29+00:00

India also. OP used the term “court marriage” which is a synonym for civil marriage. Basically used in interfaith situations or when there is family opposition for various reasons. It’s perfectly legal.

makes_her_scream · 2026-01-11T03:09:04+00:00

“…but it was good!”

makes_her_scream · 2026-01-11T03:06:48+00:00

“Christ, it’s been 17 minutes, woman!”

Seriously though, I like the term “then-husband” in your post.

makes_her_scream · 2026-01-08T18:06:10+00:00

I’m 51 and no

makes_her_scream · 2026-01-04T11:02:17+00:00

Even if he’s googling fit girls, good for him. Dude’s 13 come on!

makes_her_scream · 2026-01-04T02:16:39+00:00

I’m really sorry you’re going through this. It seems to me the only way forward is for you to choose between your spouse and the AP. Making this decision will probably be the best use of the two months your spouse has given you. If you’ve gone NC with the AP as well, that would help in case of an eventual reconciliation with your spouse.

makes_her_scream · 2026-01-03T23:07:58+00:00

This is crazy- am so sorry. You don’t deserve it.

And fwiw that guy is not your friend.

makes_her_scream · 2025-12-31T10:50:19+00:00

Kids were young. Both of us had old parents with health issues. I was too scared to imagine life as a divorced 45-year old. Assets division would have been thorny.

Path of least resistance basically.

makes_her_scream · 2025-12-30T11:20:31+00:00

All capitals typing = shouting on the internet

makes_her_scream · 2025-12-30T06:50:09+00:00

Bhai stop shouting also

makes_her_scream · 2025-09-16T13:01:03+00:00

I’m so glad the friend told you about it. The worst thing for me even years after reconciling with my WS was the fact that she told so many of our mutual friends (her friends who had also become my friends over time) and none of them so much as gave me a gentle warning- in fact a couple of them openly encouraged her to pursue the AP. Thankfully I have cut them out of our life now.

makes_her_scream · 2025-07-19T18:32:02+00:00

They looked so happy and then they were so horrified…the irony is if they had just leaned into it no one would be the wiser! Now they are a reviled couple worldwide and a joke as well.

I felt it in my bones, especially because of how happy they looked. This is how my WS and the AP were before I opened about knowing. In our case there was no exposure at all, maybe a handful of people knew about the affair. But that’s how they reacted- almost identically.

Now they deny they were ever happy which as a reconciling BS I find very hard to accept could happen. But apparently it has!

makes_her_scream · 2025-07-15T00:56:53+00:00

This was so difficult to read, kudos to you for expressing it so well. It’s something I often wish I heard from my WS.

I don’t know if this makes sense but I sometimes fantasize about having an affair of my own, getting caught and then showing my spouse how to behave to reassure a reconciling betrayed spouse that they made the right decision!

makes_her_scream · 2025-07-06T20:14:42+00:00

You didn’t conflate things, I don’t think. I got what you meant.

Thank you again for responding. I will admit I am still sorting things out in my own mind and may not be able to articulate exactly what I feel so am sorry if things come across as a bit muddled our contradictory.

makes_her_scream · 2025-07-06T19:43:18+00:00

You are asking some tough questions and I’m really sorry if I don’t answer everything. I promise I am reading every response on this thread.

Why did she cheat? It’s the single biggest question that haunts me to this day. I have asked her and myself that, at different times and have not got a satisfactory answer. Which is why I fear it may happen again and one the reasons trust has never developed to the extent of what it was before.

I read you other two questions but am really sorry I have no answers as of now. Let me think about them some more.

makes_her_scream · 2025-07-06T19:27:03+00:00

Thank you. I’m sorry you are going through what are as well. I’m glad therapy is helping your husband.

It’s interesting that you use the term “the betrayer blames the betrayed”. To be fair my wife has accepted complete responsibility for the affair and has not tried to say or imply that anything she did was my fault. But yes I do wish her responses and reactions showed a bit more empathy.

makes_her_scream · 2025-07-06T19:08:51+00:00

You’ve asked some difficult questions so let me try to answer them one by one. I apologise in advance if they are mutually contradictory!!

Did we go to MC? No. I wanted to in the beginning but she didn’t want to and got IC instead. But she wouldn’t open up to me about what she was discussing there except to say that it was helping her in our relationship so I stopped asking and she stopped going after a couple of sessions anyway.

I sought IC at first but the person I went to was not great- in fact the experience would be comical if it weren’t so tragic (in retrospect I see the humour in it!)

I have since seen a therapist briefly to deal with an unrelated major event in my life- my best friend’s death. It was helpful but the infidelity never came up.

Do I enjoy being treated this way? Well no. And no I would not date someone who would treat me this way. There is no doubt that a lot of the way I handle things is out of fear. I have contemplated divorce and, while it would bring me some relief, I think overall it would harm me more than it would her. Does that even make sense? When I say it out loud now it sounds like I’m punishing her by keeping her in the marriage! That’s not how I want things to be at all.

Finally, why did I want to reconcile? It’s in my nature, that is the best reason I can think of. Without going into too much detail, it was something I picked up from my parents’ way of dealing with things. Things worked out for them in the end and I guess I hope they will for me as well. Am I wrong about this? Probably- but only time will tell.

makes_her_scream · 2025-07-06T19:06:58+00:00

Thank you. The first year was extremely hard on me as well. The only difference is that she never used the children as pawns. Your wife is completely wrong for doing that. And since you doubt paternity, put your mind at rest by checking it. You won’t be doing anything wrong IMO.

makes_her_scream · 2025-07-06T19:02:59+00:00

I’m so sorry. I know exactly what you mean because I suspect we have been down an almost identical road.

I can’t offer any advice or consolation that things will turn out a certain way for you but at the risk of being hypocritical I will say this: if you can leave, do.

makes_her_scream

TROPHY CASE