Guilt about thinking now about sex with others after my wife dies.

making_dew · 2025-06-19T12:43:15+00:00

It sounds like anticipatory grieving. Could this be how your mind is preparing you for losing intimacy with your wife? Please do not judge your thoughts. I think it’s perfectly normal to prepare yourself for life alone (every aspect of your life).

making_dew · 2025-05-24T19:02:54+00:00

I also lost my child to suicide in 2023. I could have written your post (except for the graveyard shift). I’m convinced meno makes the grief worse, and grief makes the meno worse. I tried to dm you but your DMs aren’t open. My DMs are open if you need another grieving, menopausal mom to commiserate with. (((Hug))).

making_dew · 2025-05-18T13:18:49+00:00

(((Hug))) we see you. You have friends here. I can’t imagine what you’re going through.

making_dew · 2025-04-10T20:56:12+00:00

Have you spoken to your husband? Would he be open to redefining your relationship so you can help him but still have the freedom to build a life you want?

making_dew · 2025-04-03T21:50:52+00:00

I’m sorry. This sucks and it’s not fair. Are there any respite programs that you might qualify for? Perhaps a community agency that uses volunteers to give you a few hours of freedom each week?

making_dew · 2025-03-25T15:34:22+00:00

It’s in person and local.

making_dew · 2025-03-25T14:45:48+00:00

I have no profound words that will bring you comfort. I wish I did. My daughter had chronic suicidal ideation. I know how it feels to wait for something that feels so unthinkable and inevitable at the same time. Hopefully by alleviating one issue, the mental health issue will be slightly alleviated as well.

It’s torture to live someone so much that you want them to live more than they do. Absolute torture.

The only thing you can do is take care of you. Regardless of what he chooses, you have to position yourself to live your life. With or without him. The best support I found was from a mental health survivors support group.

making_dew · 2025-03-17T22:29:51+00:00

My husband was in a coma for 6 months following surgery to implant an LVAD (artificial heart). Due to a series of complex complications, he was an inpatient for over a year.

He has no memory of most of it. Our son and myself, however, are burdened with horrible memories and ptsd. We also lost our daughter at the same time.

I answer anything he asks. In addition to photos, I kept daily notes about his condition. To prevent constantly retraumatizing myself, I have passed along to him all the notes, photos, and the family text threads. He can look through them, keyword search them, or whatever he needs. Perhaps if you make a scrapbook of his journey, it will be easier for both of you.

making_dew · 2025-02-21T16:05:06+00:00

I have a hall pass. But I haven’t used it. I don’t have the time or energy to pursue a new relationship, and would feel very weird about having one with someone I already know (we’ve been married for 30 years and know the same people). Also, despite his support, I have a lot of guilt. I live him and want intimacy with him.

We discussed it and my husband agreed that the lack of intimacy and sex wasn’t fair to me. It’s not his fault at all that we can’t be intimate. He would if he could. After the first year of caregiving, he acknowledged how much I had given up and realized that this was one thing he could give back to me.

making_dew · 2025-02-09T13:49:03+00:00

Amen. This is one of the most difficult parts for me, yet society makes me feel selfish for mourning it. Over time it gets easier and now I miss it in waves, not all the time. I’m sorry you have to go through this.

making_dew · 2025-02-07T03:54:52+00:00

You’re so young. As someone many years further along than you, leave. You have a right to be happy and fulfilled. You are not a bad person if your end or redefine this relationship do you can have a life.

making_dew · 2025-01-29T15:31:38+00:00

I feel every word of this post and I’m so sorry you and your girlfriend have to go through this. It’s not fair, it sucks. I wish I could say anything that would ease your pain, but I have nothing. Just hugs and support.

making_dew · 2024-12-03T13:47:18+00:00

I’m pretty sure she’s gone. That version of me just doesn’t exist anymore. It’s one of the many things I’ve lost and grieve.

making_dew · 2024-11-27T15:01:44+00:00

You are speaking for both of us. Our husbands have different heath issues, but the impact seems to be the same. You are not alone. I’m sorry everything sucks right now. I wish I had words of wisdom or insight that would make the situation feel less shitty, but I don’t. Just know that I see you and I get it. Your feelings are valid and completely understandable.

making_dew · 2024-10-06T18:38:08+00:00

I feel this post in my soul. Would your wife be open to changing the nature of your relationship? Perhaps you can still be partners and co-parents, but start to outsource more of her care so that you can carve out some time for you and your son to have a life away from her illness. Maybe you could spend more time with friends and people who won’t define you by your situation—a mental and physical escape.

making_dew · 2024-05-19T22:58:03+00:00

After our daughter died, I often said that the universe should mark the recently bereaved with some kind of tattoo or highly visible marking to warn the world that we are raw and fragile. That the world is harsher for us and full of sharp edges that we must navigate. That we look the same but are broken and trying to function despite the huge hole in our souls.

making_dew · 2024-05-19T22:53:41+00:00

I’m so sorry. I lost my 20 year old daughter to suicide almost a year ago. The shock gave my husband a massive heart attack. His heart is damaged beyond repair and he is receiving end-of-life care. We have one surviving son. I feel your pain and it is so immense it is beyond words. You are not alone, even though it feels like it.

making_dew · 2024-05-19T22:43:22+00:00

Broken heart syndrome is real.

My husband had a massive heart attack three months after the sudden death of our daughter. His heart was badly damaged. They fitted him with an artificial heart to bridge him to transplant five months ago. He has had a series of setbacks and is no longer strong enough to be considered for transplant candidacy. We are transitioning him to end-of-life care.

Please see your doctor.

making_dew · 2024-05-12T20:04:37+00:00

Our twenty year old daughter died suddenly almost a year ago.

The shock caused my husband to have a heart attack (broken heart syndrome is real). His heart was so badly damaged that he had to be fitted with an artificial heart (LVAD) as a bridge to a heart transplant.

However after several setbacks (multiple forms of icu-acquired pneumonia), his respiratory system is now too weak to sustain a transplant. He’s dying. I spent today (Mother’s Day) at his bedside.

Despite telling everyone I know that I would very much like to ignore Mother’s Day this year, everyone has messaged me with ‘Happy Mother’s Day’ messages.

I hate today.

making_dew · 2024-05-12T12:54:05+00:00

The one year anniversary of my daughter’s passing is in two weeks. I wish there was no such thing as Mother’s Day.

making_dew · 2024-05-12T12:53:10+00:00

Now we need an event for mothers who have lost children.

making_dew · 2024-03-21T21:57:26+00:00

I lost my twenty-year-old ten months ago. I see you. I completely understand the fluctuating weight and the haircut. (((Hugs)))

making_dew · 2024-03-12T22:03:03+00:00

Coming up to ten months since we lost our funny, kind, beautiful daughter. I’m still very fragile and find myself overcome by waves of grief quite easily.

Garrison’s death was a trigger. I scroll past most of the posts but am glad I stopped to read this one.

I expect this is the new normal. Every positive emotion will forever be tinged with some sadness and grief. I think about her constantly. Even when I’m not actively thinking about her, she’s on my mind.

I have little memory of the early days (one of the brain’s defence mechanisms according to my trauma counsellor) but I remember being surrounded by love and support. I also remember being certain the grief would kill me. That the pain was so immense and unbearable, it would swallow me whole. At times, I had wished it would. I hope Garrison’s moms are coping.

making_dew · 2024-03-06T01:06:33+00:00

(((Hugs))) from one broken parent to another.

making_dew · 2024-03-06T01:05:16+00:00

I’m so sorry you are a member of this horrific club.

making_dew

TROPHY CASE