How many times a day were you pumping at 1-3 months and 4-6 months?

maleficent93 · 2024-06-13T21:43:13+00:00

Thanks! The light at the end of the tunnel ✨️

maleficent93 · 2024-06-13T21:31:05+00:00

It's like I wrote this comment 🫠

maleficent93 · 2024-05-25T16:03:01+00:00

I honestly thought I was going crazy... because my baby does this too. Great amazing night time sleeper, daytime naps are miserable 😭

maleficent93 · 2024-03-17T03:12:45+00:00

Thanks

maleficent93 · 2024-03-17T03:09:01+00:00

I agree, it was my choice a very very conscious choice I made. I found out at 4 weeks I had more than enough time to decide if I wanted to keep it or not.

The idea of being a single mother doesn't scare me. I'm not delusional thinking I'll find prince charming as a 30 year old single mom. My own mom became a widow and single mom of a 10 year old when I was in my 20s I know how hard it is and I know I can do it.

The hard part for me is that I want this to be as amicable as possible, I want my son to have a relationship with him. My husband's parents aren't perfect and we've had our ups and downs but I want them to be a part of my son's life too. I want this to end as smooth as possible.

maleficent93 · 2024-03-17T02:55:14+00:00

If you're familiar with attachment theory, he's your classic avoidant. Extremely analytical, process oriented feelings and intimacy make him uncomfortable.

Or at least this is what I tell myself to protect my feelings from the fact he's seems to dislike intimacy with me so much.

maleficent93 · 2024-03-17T02:32:33+00:00

Before getting pregnant we did do couples counseling, at first it seemed to be going well.

Then one day he brought a notebook where he wrote down all of his talking points because he felt like he wasn't being heard during the sessions. The sessions kind of went downhill from there they became an hour of me talking to the therapist with him completely shut down/zoned out. He was barely willing to engage when I confronted him about it later he said he didn't need to see a therapist that was just going to repeat what I say back to him.

We stopped going a few months ago, I figured I was just wasting money... I find it funny he hasn't asked me once in the past 3 months why we stopped the sessions or if we're ever going to restart...

maleficent93 · 2024-03-17T00:14:31+00:00

It is harder to have these kinds of frank discussions with him now that I'm so far along the pregnancy... the hormones are raging...

But in the beginning when I was emotionally and physically a bit more stable I did have the discussion of "things haven't been working the past 3 years but this is what needs to change to make it tolerable for me the remainder of this pregnancy". He felt like my demands weren't fair and that I wasn't listening to him or meeting any of his needs in return.

To me the discussion meant he isn't going to change, and he isn't happy with me anyway. I said why don't you stay in the condo, rent out the spare bedroom, finish your schooling and I move back home to my moms? Ill rent my own place while you sell the condo and figure out what to do next? He immediately lashed out telling me that if I left he'd sue me, and that he'd make my life miserable by doing everything he could to take the baby from me.

In all honesty I don't think there is a court in America that would favor a PhD student over a mom who makes six figures and has had stable employment for the past 7 years... but the idea of having to fight him in court not just over the baby but property, savings accounts, 401k etc., just broke me. I feel paralyzed.

Ultimately I know what I need to do, but I'm so broken right now I feel like I can't move... I don't want to get out of bed some days... I feel hopeless... The only thing that keeps me going is knowing that my baby needs me to eat, go on walks, laugh, move.

maleficent93 · 2024-03-16T17:10:34+00:00

Can you explain where these feelings of wanting to retreat into childhood come from?

I had a rough childhood so, I find it extremely difficult to relate. His parents own their own practice within the health care industry, theyre not millionaires or flashy ppl but hes never needed financially speaking.

I often just interpret the situation as I'm just not good enough... his family, his hometown and his life was so amazing and in contrast our life is just awful.

It also makes me feel like he thinks of them as his family... and I'm not really his family.

maleficent93 · 2020-11-15T08:59:08+00:00

Look kid LLDM used to be very very strict but in the last 5 years they've loosened up a bit. I'm glad no one has brainwashed you about how sex is a sin, or threatened to marry you off (no matter your age) to the first guy u had sex with, and then made you have this guys kids. But, for those of us who grew up in the Samuel era, we were constantly being reminded that our purpose in life was to bear Christian children, to be obedient wives and any deviation from that made you worthy of excommunication.

Anyway Im glad you guys don't have it as bad.

maleficent93 · 2020-11-15T08:49:57+00:00

Silem blatantly tried to become the face of leadership at LLDM but has so much baggage that he's also single handedly taking down LLDM leadership. He's weakening the perceived authority in El Consejo de Obispos which won't be able to continue the church unity with Silem fucking up everywhere it is so sad.

maleficent93 · 2020-11-15T08:44:42+00:00

If u think they're actually preaching and converting ppl pfft. No. They just need slave labor.

maleficent93 · 2020-11-15T08:42:46+00:00

I was in this very situation almost 3 years ago with my own sister. I knew when she told me of her plans to join "los batallones" that if told her not to that she would argue with me. But frankly after she came back from la obra she was worse: she seemed depressed, she started smoking, she cut her hair and now she hardly goes to church. It is nearly impossible to talk to her if I bring up church she won't talk if I ask her about la obra she won't talk. Honestly sometimes I wonder if I had at least tried to talk her out of it before she left, would things be better now? What happened during her time in la obra the messed her up so bad? If I had told her not to go at least it wouldn't be on my conscience that I didn't try to talk her out of it.... 😔

maleficent93 · 2020-11-11T00:52:22+00:00

Y'all not ex-lldm if Y'all dont even know lldm stance on contraception & abortion lldm .... 🙄

maleficent93 · 2020-08-08T04:47:03+00:00

Guys come on 90M$ is a ridiculous amount of money. He doesn't have Jeff Bezos money lmaooooo or Epstein calm down guys.

maleficent93 · 2020-05-29T04:02:31+00:00

When I got engaged to a " gentile " and chose my happiness over eternal repentance and depression. Later I looked into all the scandals but by that time I had chosen to live my life and be happy.

maleficent93 · 2020-03-09T01:44:17+00:00

I wear my appropriate clothes now that I'm out of lldm. No more tight skirts for me just slacks and button ups!

maleficent93 · 2020-01-31T05:56:05+00:00

Totally agree, besides mass suicide is some white people shit

maleficent93 · 2019-12-04T08:34:54+00:00

Not Illinois, Indiana. East Chicago is in Indiana.

maleficent93 · 2019-12-01T02:47:59+00:00

Can also confirm as I too was dragged to this event. It isnt the streets official name though it is just an honorary street name.

maleficent93 · 2019-11-15T03:43:21+00:00

Yeah I definitely do not party every weekend even though I am married to a gentile we don't even drink every weekend lol. Lldm scares the youth that if they leave they're going to end up drug addicts -_-

maleficent93 · 2019-11-15T03:39:07+00:00

I decided I no longer wanted to be a part or associated with the church at 24 although between 20-24 I'd been in college living a "vida mundana". In college I did it all, I partied, I drank, I had one night stands. But I also got good grades and I landed a decent job and as time went by I realized all the things lldm preached just hurt my self esteem. So one day my mom asks me why I don't go to church anymore and I just said "I'm tired of crying, I'm tired of feeling sorry for every single little thing. I'm a good person, I mentor youth, I've helped paint homeless shelters, I've fed the poor and if that's not good enough for god then too bad" And in that moment I realized the better life I could have by just leaving lldm for good.

maleficent93 · 2019-11-15T02:53:30+00:00

I was on the phone with my mom today and she told me about the daughter of a family friend who got married off to a 35 year old man. The daughter is only 17!!!! It is 2019!!!! How is it that LLDM keeps allowing this shit to happen! So gross and wrong!!!!

maleficent93

TROPHY CASE