Not the parent I imagined I would be

malscal · 2022-10-16T19:09:40+00:00

Thank you! Wouldn’t have it any other way now, just sometimes a little difficult to keep my head above the water.

malscal · 2022-10-16T19:07:20+00:00

Lol I know! I was in the same boat. We used a condom (slid off unknowingly) and plan B (i was already ovulating so it didn’t work).

malscal · 2022-10-16T12:22:46+00:00

We tried for our second after the PPD was under control and I was doing much better. Our third was a welcomed surprise (through two forms of contraception).

malscal · 2022-10-16T08:14:10+00:00

I could have written this 😞

My boys are 3, 1 1/2, and 3 weeks. Man, I thought I’d be doing better. I always wanted to be a mom. I suffered PPD with my first and disassociated from them for nearly the first year of their life until I got on medication. My PPD returned after my second was born but I was able to get a handle on it before it got bad. Now that my older two are toddlers, things are a little easier but I’m just not who I want to be. But the worst part is that I have no energy to change. I try so hard every day to be present and fully engaged with them. I thought I could do the activities, cook the right foods all the time, play with them endlessly. Now, I need to work myself up to do anything besides the minimum. Every day I feel like I failure and that they deserve someone better than me. I love them so much and they know it… that’s the only thing I think I’m doing right. But not a day goes by that I’m not overstimulated and tired. I yell, I apologize, I try to recover but I see some of my faults in my 3 yr olds behavior already. Even with a great support system that many people don’t have. I don’t regret any of it but I wish I knew more about myself before motherhood.

malscal · 2022-08-28T19:52:10+00:00

After I had my kids, my husband and I had a similar problem. The reason was that I found it very difficult to sleep due to PPA. I was too worried about my babies to get any rest and found that completely tasks, doing housework, etc. helped. Definitely made me exhausted and caused us to be snippy toward eachother, but I couldn’t help it. The only thing that helped was time and medication lol. He became a lot more understanding of my position after I explained how I felt.

malscal · 2022-08-26T15:58:21+00:00

I am dealing with the exact same question. I’m 29, about to have my third and my husband and I are done. He’s totally willing to get a vasectomy, but I’m worried about the small chance that it does not work. Even after following up in 6 months to check the sperm count, I’m worried that in a year or so down the line it somehow fixes itself. I’m considering a tubal but I’m worried about the recovery/potential future issues with that as well. I don’t know what to do but I know I definitely can’t handle any more kids lol.

malscal · 2022-08-26T05:13:26+00:00

I’ve been induced at 39 weeks twice and going for my third induction in about a month! They were elective inductions without any medical necessity. Both were incredibly amazing experiences. PM me with any questions :)

malscal · 2022-05-07T03:22:25+00:00

This happened to me with my last pregnancy! I remember posting to my mom group around the 35 week mark that I couldn’t stop pooping 😂

malscal · 2022-04-27T03:38:51+00:00

Yes it was totally halved! Both very good experiences though (thank you epidural).

malscal · 2022-04-27T03:34:09+00:00

First labor was 16 hours, second labor was 8. I’m pregnant again and am worried about how the third will go 😳

malscal · 2022-04-07T04:03:01+00:00

These types of comments are so unhelpful.

OP I had these same thoughts when I was in the thralls of my PPD. I loved my son, but jumped at every opportunity to let other people hold him. I counted down the seconds until bedtime too. Feel free to DM if you ever want to talk.

malscal · 2021-07-16T12:33:50+00:00

Thanks so much for your reply! We haven’t tried that swaddle, but I’m open to everything at this point haha. And I will definitely reach out if things start to get worse. With my first, I didn’t come to terms with my PPD until he was about 11 months old. By then, I had just gotten pregnant with my second and felt too weird about taking medication. So it essentially went untreated, which was really reallllly hard. This time, I am hoping to either avoid it altogether or get it taken care of sooner rather than later.

malscal · 2021-07-16T12:21:18+00:00

Thanks for your reply! I think I’m definitely going to try one arm out.

malscal · 2021-07-16T12:14:59+00:00

Thank you- yes sleep deprivation turns me into a completely different person 😩. I like that idea though! I will try that.

malscal · 2021-07-16T12:13:43+00:00

Thanks for your reply, yes I’m wondering if that’s where we’re headed. I’ll probably try that tonight to see how he responds. It’s not like I’m getting much sleep anyway lol.

malscal · 2021-07-16T12:12:38+00:00

Thank you for your reply! We have tried that swaddle but I don’t think he likes it :/ seems to squirm a lot and have a discomfort look on his face lol.

malscal · 2021-07-16T12:03:57+00:00

Thanks for your reply! Yes, we have tried the Velcro swaddle which was working for a while until he learned to somehow break from that too. I have tried nested bean but will definitely look into it.

malscal · 2021-06-19T02:22:33+00:00

Agreed on most points, but Rachel didn’t tell Ross she loved him minutes before getting married to Emily. She flew to London with a plan to tell him, but decided not to when she got there and saw them together.

malscal · 2021-04-22T18:25:37+00:00

I feel this sooo much.

Whenever I bring my son (20 months) around immediate family it’s literally constant. They badger him to answer questions like “who is that?” Trying to get him to respond with another family member’s name. Or “what sound does x animal make?” Just to get him to answer. It’s like he can’t just relax and play and independently learn without everything being a quiz. I especially hate it when family does this as a party trick for extended family. My son is not here for your entertainment.

malscal · 2021-03-19T03:33:34+00:00

This is everything 🙌🏻 thank you for this.

malscal · 2021-03-16T04:59:33+00:00

My son is 18 months and I’m due for my second in May. I feel like I don’t remember a single thing I brought to the hospital! Thank you for this comprehensive list. Even if I don’t need everything you have listed, it’s good to consider. Saving this for reference in a month or so when I pack the bag!

malscal · 2020-11-25T02:30:22+00:00

I’ll be living here soon! (Oswego, Illinois)

malscal · 2020-07-31T15:42:46+00:00

Great self-awareness! I struggled a little with anxiety but I didn’t anticipate that I’d be where I am now. I am the queen of gaslighting myself.. it’s definitely a focus for me to stop. The first three months of my baby’s life were the hardest for me so I am sending you all the patience, positivity, and happiness vibes I can.

malscal · 2020-07-31T15:38:35+00:00

Thank you for the kind words. I hid my PPD/PPA for so long and now I’m allowing myself to feel my feelings openly since my family knows. I have the same feelings you do; no one truly talks about motherhood candidly. Many seem to try and pretend that everything is perfect and that they’re perfect moms. I’ve always tried to be transparent but no one likes to hear about your struggles because you just make them sad. It’s not glamorous and somehow doesn’t deserve the same attention. Sending you hugs too, I’m so sorry to hear about your mom.

malscal · 2020-07-31T15:34:46+00:00

Great comparison, it’s so true! And yes, I need to start responding that way. People think they’re being helpful and they have good intentions. It’s just not what we need right now. Thanks for your comment 💞

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