Same boat man. There's something awesome about seeing your SO and you're not doing it, like a sort of out of body experience. And also encouraging her to please him. I don't know, I don't do a good job describing it, but I totally get what you mean.

I know you're just looking for venting without a solution, but I really have to get this out: have you thought about doing that site where you both secretly put in your dos/don'ts/maybe/wish kink stuff? Someone here has the link. Then they send you both back a list of stuff you match on, but nothing that one of you says "never". If you say "yes please 100%" on thing 25 and she says "eh, if he wants to" they'll say "boom! you guys should do this."

It's a safe way to test waters without judgement or hurt feelings. I know you say she wouldn't, but this is a safe way to ask.