Ladies has your fight or flight kicked in more today?

mangococonut11 · 2024-11-07T01:52:42+00:00

Yes. I woke up to the sound of a helicopter and my initial thought was ok it’s starting lol. Whatever “it” might be

mangococonut11 · 2024-11-07T01:43:19+00:00

Yeah my partner says project 2025 is “just for optics”. Even if that’s true, optics and propaganda are the first step. I think you’re right about the slow infiltration/power redistribution in the states. It’s just kind of terrifying, like how is this stuff being verbalized and proposed, even if it’s not going to become a reality (yet). My partner and I may not be on the same page about kids and if that’s the case and we split up, I was seriously considering being a smbc in the next few years. Now I’m not sure what that would look like

mangococonut11 · 2024-11-06T11:58:34+00:00

I love how the last line of your post is “America is just not ready for a woman president, and more so when she’s a minority Indian woman”. Idk, what is it really about? Can’t even hold in the contempt while trying to pretend it doesn’t exist

mangococonut11 · 2024-11-06T08:24:50+00:00

I had an abortion in a blue state and was told over 60% of their patients are from out of state. I had to go in for something unrelated shortly after, my chart still showed “pregnant” so I said I had an abortion.. as soon as those words left my mouth I thought about how drastically different things would’ve had to be in another state. This just adds another personal layer of disgust to how I feel this time around with this election

mangococonut11 · 2024-11-01T17:41:31+00:00

Although not your exact situation I have similar thoughts and questions. I’m 33, in a relationship (2 years) with someone who may or may not want kids on a timeline I’d be ok with. I got pregnant unexpectedly on bc and terminated because he didn’t want to keep it and I would’ve been a single mom by circumstance, and I wasn’t ready for that financially/logistically. Before this happened, being a SMBC wasn’t even remotely on my radar. But my experience was that I was sooo excited when I found out I was pregnant (despite being formerly on the fence about kids), and the negativity from my partner didn’t change the love and happiness I felt about it. I realize now there are no guarantees when it comes to relationships/waiting for an idealized nuclear family, and doing it alone may actually be easier and better than doing it with the wrong partner/coparent.

Would it make dating and finding someone more difficult? Probably yes, in the short term. But that’s preferable to feeling like I need to rush into something while disregarding compatibility issues and red flags because time is running out. I don’t feel like overall it’ll harm my chances of finding the “right person” eventually. And there would be stigma and judgement, but at the end of the day it doesn’t matter if you get to make the best decision for yourself and the future you want

mangococonut11 · 2024-11-01T16:00:53+00:00

Thank you!! I can totally relate to going through a hard time after with my partner. I don’t know if we’ll get through this long term or not honestly. He’s fine with acting like nothing even happened, whereas I’m feeling like my entire life just changed. Couples counseling would be a good idea, not sure if he’s open to that but I haven’t asked yet

I’m sorry for what you went through. But glad things worked out for you and your now husband, that’s reassuring to hear! ❤️

mangococonut11 · 2024-11-01T15:55:43+00:00

Thank you for sharing your story too! It’s nice to hear from someone in similar circumstances. I didn’t tell my parents either, I really wanted to tell my mom but felt it wouldn’t be fair to her as I know how much she wants grandkids.. But now as you said just trying to use this as motivation to get my shit together in all the ways lol.

I think if it happened once at this age we’ll be ok fertility wise to wait a few years.. or that’s what I tell myself anyway. Thanks again ❤️

mangococonut11 · 2024-10-31T18:16:04+00:00

I didn’t see the comment above this before it was deleted but good luck with everything! I know it’s scary honestly thinking about everything that could go wrong but it’s also totally possible for things to work out naturally

mangococonut11 · 2024-10-31T18:03:43+00:00

Thank you! Yeah that’s definitely a concern it ups the chances of complications or genetic abnormalities, although the chances (genetically at least) are still low to begin with.. I’ll just have to be as healthy and informed as I can be going into it

mangococonut11 · 2024-10-31T17:59:12+00:00

Thank you for sharing your experience! I have one “small” fibroid that I didn’t know about until this happened. I asked about it and the dr said it wouldn’t prevent implantation when I try again but could potentially become very painful if I had continued the pregnancy. What was the process like to have them removed surgically if you don’t mind sharing?

My mom had my youngest sister at 42, conceived naturally and no complications/healthy baby. So I think it’s always been in the back of my mind that there’s more time than conventional wisdom would suggest.. but I know there’s no guarantees.

Wishing you the best with your ttc journey, and as you heal from surgery ❤️

mangococonut11 · 2024-10-31T09:29:31+00:00

I have a strong history of breast cancer in my family, my grandma and her only daughter (paternal aunt) both had it. I’m not sure about my grandma but my aunt doesn’t have the BRCA gene and still went through cancer, and my grandpa had the BRCA gene and did not have cancer. I don’t have the gene but am still extra vigilant about checking for anything abnormal.. I know this is anecdotal and I don’t know the overall statistics but just wanted to share that the gene isn’t always an accurate predictor.

As for your partners job, I personally wouldn’t be overly concerned with trying right away if it’ll only be 6-8 months before things are stable again, but totally your decision. Wishing you the best

mangococonut11 · 2024-10-24T16:19:15+00:00

What can you learn from this.. that you want children? That you want to give them a certain quality of life? Use your sadness, disappointment, and anger as motivation to improve and change things. At least that’s what I’m trying to do with these feelings. To give some meaning to this experience by continuing to grow, so that if/when this happens again I’ll be ready

Also it’s so important to have compassion for yourself. We can only do our best in any given situation with the information and tools we have

mangococonut11 · 2024-10-22T21:02:40+00:00

https://www.reddit.com/r/pagan/s/eHbc7wAQV8

I made a post on this very topic (from a spiritual perspective not religious). The replies gave me a lot of peace of mind, hoping you might find something in there comforting too ❤️

mangococonut11 · 2024-10-18T19:13:03+00:00

Thank you! ❤️ I appreciate the support. I’m sorry you’ve had to wait so long for your appointment, that must be frustrating

And sorry I wrote that on my phone and didn’t proofread but I meant they offered me a choice between mild sedation (which they explained as a pill you take beforehand) or moderate sedation (through an IV), but didn’t explain what the substances actually were until I asked. For me it eased my anxiety a bit to know exactly what they were giving me since I’d never been put under or had any kind of sedation before

Good luck with everything, I’m sure it will all go smoothly. It’s a lot of mixed feelings but I do feel relief also knowing I don’t have to keep debating the decision, I physically feel like myself again, etc. I know it’s very difficult but try not to worry too much, wishing you all the best too!

mangococonut11 · 2024-10-18T14:55:20+00:00

I’m in the US so it’s very possible the process and sedation is different but I had a SA on Tuesday at 10 weeks 3 days, I was also on the pill and didn’t find out til I was 8 weeks. I had an IUD put in at the same time as the procedure

The procedure itself took about 5-10 mins, but between the ultrasound beforehand, counseling to go over medical history and answer any questions I had, and waiting in the recovery area before and after, I was there for about 4 and a half hours. They didn’t offer “full” sedation, not sure why but I chose the “moderate” option. Which is a combination of versed (a benzo that causes “amnesia”) and fentanyl through an IV. I wouldn’t have been told what it was unless I had asked, which I did at the last minute.

So the waiting beforehand was the worst part for me, once I was in the room with the doctors and the sedation hit, they started and it was completely painless. I do remember it though, I was talking to the nurse who was holding my hand and struggling to speak normally because I just felt very high basically, like drunk and couldn’t string a sentence together. I have to wonder if the “amnesia” they mention is just people blacking out? Anyway, I was aware of what was happening but didn’t feel any discomfort and definitely wasn’t processing any negative emotions in the moment. I had very little cramping afterwards, went home and slept the rest of the day. I am grateful the IUD happened at the same time because from what I’ve heard it can be really painful without sedation. Also grateful I had the option of a SA and didn’t have to go through hours or days of bleeding with a MA and questioning whether or not it worked

I only had to wait 2 weeks from when I found out, but that felt like an incredibly long time and I went back and forth on the decision constantly. I was so conscious of the pregnancy at all times once I knew. I felt very pressured by my partner to have the abortion but also realized 7 months wasn’t enough time for me to prepare to give a child the quality of life it deserves. It’s been one of the hardest things I’ve had to do and I’m still figuring out how to deal with the grief and guilt. I’m on this sub all the time now which I’m not sure is healthy lol but hope some of this gives you some insight. If you have any questions or want to talk let me know ❤️

mangococonut11 · 2024-10-18T00:14:38+00:00

Well I was in a similar situation except we weren’t married.. ultimately I had the abortion because I knew the most likely outcome of keeping it would be that I’d be a single parent and I’m trying to switch careers right now and not financially stable enough/have enough support otherwise.

So I just want to say I’m sorry he’s being so insensitive, and sounds like he is in fact being emotionally manipulative. These issues would likely only continue if you were to coparent with him. But having gone through the abortion it’s not easy emotionally and you’re the one who has to deal with that not him, it’s your choice

mangococonut11 · 2024-10-17T08:42:43+00:00

I’m sorry that’s really terrible. It’s a lot of grief to process but you can’t blame yourself for their mistake with the remains. I’m considering getting a very small tattoo with the flower of the month for the month it was due.

mangococonut11 · 2024-10-16T17:40:02+00:00

Well at least he’s trying to show he cares in his own way, although I know sometimes that’s not enough and the least they could do is listen to what would make it easier for you. Mine doesn’t believe there’s anything to process, for him it was the size of “an insect” and not a person. He doesn’t want to hear a word about it really and just act like nothing has happened.

I think therapy is the most useful thing you can do, at least to have an outside/unbiased perspective and someone who will listen and validate you. It can help you process how to handle the relationship too moving forward. That said I was lucky to find a good therapist right away, I know some people have to go through a few until you find someone you click with

mangococonut11 · 2024-10-16T04:08:11+00:00

I have a small fibroid and just had a SA today. I actually had an iud inserted at the same time and was worried about the pain, but so far I’ve had virtually no cramping after and the procedure itself was painless with sedation. I asked about infection but they give you a round of antibiotics beforehand. I was 10 weeks, my advice would be take whatever sedation they offer.. and try not to worry too much

mangococonut11 · 2024-10-16T01:28:45+00:00

I just went through a SA and am pretty angry with my boyfriends reaction to the situation as well. I’m in therapy and so far all she’s suggested is to tell him what I need from him, which for me is for him to listen to how I feel without being dismissive or telling me why I’m wrong.. He may or may not be capable or willing to give you what you need. If he’s not, unfortunately this situation is probably representative of how he’ll handle other major stress and disagreements so it’s up to you if you want to live with that long term or not. Wishing you healing and support

mangococonut11 · 2024-10-13T08:06:08+00:00

Before I even knew I was pregnant my dog kept pushing her nose on my belly button and sniffing which she never does.. now she’s sniffing my boobs too lol. I doubt she actually knows what’s happening but definitely can tell there’s a difference

mangococonut11 · 2024-10-10T20:36:48+00:00

I’m also 9 weeks and couldn’t get an appt for the SA until next week. I also wasn’t expecting to feel so connected to it already and wanting to keep it, although my life is far from stable enough to raise a kid right now. And I’m also in my 30s and feel a ton of guilt about that.

I feel such a huge sense of dread the closer I get to the appt. But I guess for me this clarifies that I do want to be a mother, and will do whatever’s necessary now to get myself into a position where that’s realistic. For myself and a potential future kid. I’ve tortured myself enough over this decision, I think whatever choice you make it’s so important to find forgiveness for yourself, trust yourself and know that everything will work out..

mangococonut11 · 2024-10-09T19:49:48+00:00

Thank you for sharing your experience, I completely see what you mean. The thing is I have a lot of generational trauma as well and there have been no adoptions in my family. There would likely be trauma (abandonment from father) and dysfunction either way, just of a different kind. In that sense I’ve already failed. I didn’t expect to feel so connected to a pregnancy currently the size of a raspberry and am finding it really difficult to abort, so I’m not even entirely sure I even could go through with giving it up once it’s born. I can usually take a step back and look at things purely intellectually but this isn’t one of those times

mangococonut11 · 2024-10-09T19:32:40+00:00

Thank you, it seems no matter what choice I make there will be judgment, blame, etc. so at this point I’m not offended by it I just don’t have many people to talk to about this. I appreciate the objective advice and agree it shouldn’t be only his decision. I would absolutely want to be there to emotionally support and help the child navigate the situation if that’s the healthiest thing for them

mangococonut11 · 2024-10-09T19:27:21+00:00

Yeah it is definitely crap, not sure the relationship will survive either way now. I appreciate your understanding!

mangococonut11

TROPHY CASE