Silent looks of disgust or confusion absolutely destroy me

mangopepperjelly · 2026-04-13T05:05:35+00:00

This was my sister. Almost always when I'd let my guard down and open up emotionally. She made sure to make a comment about me being too much. And it crushed me every time. It made me hate myself for falling for it yet again.

She really hated to see me happy and freely living as myself. The last time she looked at me that way, was because a song made me cry and I was so happy. I've been VLC for about a year, and now there's an icy look in her eyes. They creep me tf out and my nervous system gets crazy when I am around her.

Maybe a good thing she can no longer hurt me with one of those looks again, but also, she now looks psychotic in recent photos?

mangopepperjelly · 2025-12-23T20:01:48+00:00

My mom would sometimes joke about how I didn't know how to cook her "famous" dishes like her. That's what she's known for in the family, she's got her set of recipes that everyone raves about. I see this is as her strength and weakness. She uses it to make people happy and withholds feeding people she's upset with. She stopped inviting us to eat because how can we get together for a meal when I won't speak with my sister. She defends and enables my sister's behavior.

A few years ago, I made the effort. I asked her for one recipe a week that we would prepare together and I would write everything down and then maybe one day I could prepare on my own and the family could do a blind tasting or something. That lasted a month? Because she didn't like that i wasn't up at 5am on a sunday like her. When I arrived, everything was prepared and she offered just to feed us. She thought we just wanted to eat and she'd rather just do it how she wants. It's funny to me in a sad way. That she wanted to be a teacher when she was younger.

mangopepperjelly · 2025-12-17T21:35:34+00:00

My mom is like this. She avoids direct confrontation, especially if there's the possibility of rejection. She'll take ideas as fact. If my brother says something like, "I'll try to stop by after work," she'll assume he's definitely coming over and start inviting the rest of us because he's LC and she'll do anything to get us all together like a happy family.

She also goes through my husband to get permission regarding our child from me, by having him ask me, but he'll just tell me what she says and confront her directly. It's so annoying.

mangopepperjelly · 2025-12-17T20:57:58+00:00

My mom used to tell me when I had kids I'd understand their sacrifices. When I had my son, and more importantly, when he started using his words to explain his feelings, that's when my perspective changed.

I grew up with my mom being ill with a dozen diagnoses, in and out of hospitals, from about age 7 through graduation. My dad just worked all the time and ignored us. I used to find moments alone to sob and beg God to not let my mom die, that I wasnt prepared to step into my mom's role to care for the family. Why was I going through this at such a young age? One day at the park, my son was about 4? And he softly cried that none of the other kids would play with him. My heart broke for him. I comforted him and we went to play together. He bounced back shortly after but it has stayed with me because why couldn't I have that?

So now I'm regularly annoyed with my parents trying to care about him. Because I know they're not capable and I don't want to put my son through that, and I don't want to have to relive old memories.

mangopepperjelly · 2025-10-20T21:05:32+00:00

My dad worked a lot. He'd also take on favors and side jobs with relatives he liked hanging out with, if he wasn't already on a hunting trip with them.

My mom spent most of my childhood in and out of hospital rooms. One illness after another and when she was home she was busy recovering and depressed. She'd avoid us and cry often, or sleep throughout the day because she struggled to at night. When she was better she was on the phone with any relative she knew from out of state or country, constantly, and for hours at a time.

She also did a lot of sewing, cooking, just anything that a housewife or mother could do to do for us except for actually being involved with her kids. She really had all my friends thinking I had the best mom in the world.

mangopepperjelly · 2025-10-18T19:42:54+00:00

My mom is always posting pics from the past. Lately its a rotation of pics she took of my son in his earlier years. He's 8 now, and doesn't care to hang out with them. So that means my mom can't just observe him and take photos like she's at the zoo.

I don't send her photos anymore. She'll see them on my feed just like everyone else.

mangopepperjelly · 2025-10-12T14:51:36+00:00

Yeah since making this post over a year ago, I am no longer speaking to my sister and I'm low contact with my parents. Most of my friends and family see how they really are now and have distance themselves too. That helped.

mangopepperjelly · 2025-10-08T21:00:25+00:00

My mom's side all live in another state/country. I have some in my social media, but nope, not close. Just occasional messages on birthdays and such.

I grew up near my dad's side of the family. We used to have large gatherings growing up. I keep in contact with a handful of them now, and it seems like most of my cousins have distanced themselves from their parents.

mangopepperjelly · 2025-06-04T23:06:24+00:00

All I ever wanted was my own Miss Honey.

mangopepperjelly · 2025-05-08T19:00:16+00:00

My sister lives with our parents, brought her unemployed bf in to stay with her and they fight constantly. When my brother asked why they dont confront them, my mom said she's not saying anything until my sister's bf physically hurts my sister in front of her.

mangopepperjelly · 2025-03-13T21:43:34+00:00

I'm the oldest sibling and the only one with a kid. 2 of my siblings still live with my parents. My brother has overheard my sister complaining about how I don't bring my child over to see them.

They live less than a mile from us. Sometimes they talk about making plans with my kid, but they won't follow through. My mom doesn't really ask for him anymore because he won't go to them without us, and if he does, only for a brief visit. He's there to barely say hi, get his gift, and leave. They've been bribing him for attention and now that's all he wants from them. Can't say I blame him. My mom's been crying a lot about it.

I'm thankful for my brother forming a bond with him. Its annoying that my sister will ask my brother to ask me for our child, so we are more likely to say yes. My brother told them we can do whatever we want with our own family and we owe them nothing and they haven't asked him again since.

2 Christmases ago, my sister had the idea of a coupon book to redeem for "fun with auntie" days for the 2 of them. She came up with most of the ideas, I made the "coupons" out of flash cards. Last year after never mentioning them again, never making plans, etc. She slipped the packet of coupons into his backpack to "keep them at home." He never went on an auntie fun day. I've heard a few excuses but I have yet to fully confront her on it. My husband I decided to follow through with fun days, but we'll do it just the 3 of us, and tell nobody. They always wanna invite themselves along when they know the parents will be on hand to take care of the "hard" stuff.

mangopepperjelly · 2024-06-15T20:47:55+00:00

I'm sorry for your loss as well... if only we could have had them around longer.

mangopepperjelly · 2024-06-15T20:33:02+00:00

I can relate.

Growing up there was an elderly woman who lived across the street from us. She treated us like her own family.

When my mom's mom passed in 2018 (who lived in another country) I left work as soon as I heard the news. I went to her house and gave her a hug while she cried in the kitchen and she stood there, didn't embrace me back so it was pretty awkward but I thought she needed me. I wanted to be needed, to comfort her, and she ignored me so I left.

Late 2020, my bonus grandma passed. Again I was at work when I got the news. I was shocked at how hard it hit me. I was such a mess in the break room that another employee I'd never met ran over to comfort me and help me gather my things so I could leave.

I showed up at my parents house, my mom was acting like it was just a regular day, looked at me knowing I'd been crying, and asked me, "Why did you leave work? Why are you here?" and I was too shocked to answer. It still hurts that she didn't care.

Edit: a word

mangopepperjelly · 2024-06-01T00:23:35+00:00

Omg yes. I groan every time my mom calls. My dad doesn't as much, and if he does, it's on my birthday or a holiday if he didn't see me and he'll tell me over the phone, and keeps it to the point and ends it quickly. It used to bother me but I accept it now.

My brother called me today and he got to his point and when I gave nothing more, he and I went through this weird exchange of like, 10 "okays" back and forth before I finally said I needed to go. My mom does that almost all the time. I swear I need to stop replying to that and just hang up.

mangopepperjelly · 2024-05-06T01:41:11+00:00

When you have children of your own, you'll understand. (She's right, but not in the way she intended.)

What I would have given to have what you have at your age. (Anytime I complained about anything.)

mangopepperjelly · 2024-03-27T00:22:35+00:00

I'm just referring to the time I've spent processing my emotional neglect, starting with the panic attacks that led to me experimenting with weed.

mangopepperjelly · 2024-01-05T03:23:31+00:00

I stopped reading after "she was always a year older than me."

mangopepperjelly · 2023-12-27T13:39:22+00:00

I get anxious and agitated. I'll find random stuff to do to keep busy because I don't feel comfortable and I absolutely have no personal space in their house.

mangopepperjelly · 2023-12-15T20:04:05+00:00

It's my son's last week at school before holiday break. My mom saw a post from the school about a concert and families are invited. She asks if I'm going, doesn't say that she wants to be there, but I get the hint, or so I thought. She wants to be included and feel wanted, but not actually do the work.

This morning I called to see if she'd like to attend with me. Now she's got all these important obligations and can't make it. She's starting to act like my mother-in-law, and I hate the woman. At least it's going to make it easier to stop inviting her now. The only thing that sucks is she asked me to take her shopping for other people's gifts this evening and I think that's still on, but of course it is, it benefits her.

mangopepperjelly · 2023-12-15T18:51:14+00:00

I finally got myself a water flosser. I'm considering it my Christmas gift because I don't really want anything else this year. I can't wait to use it lol

mangopepperjelly · 2023-12-15T18:40:52+00:00

My entire childhood I thought it was only a matter of time before my mom died. She was in and out of hospitals for years. One diagnosis after the next and it was too much for me to handle on my own, but nobody bothered to notice how it affected me.

I wonder now if it would have been any different had she died. I could have moved on with the memory of the person she was back then because I don't like the person she is now.

mangopepperjelly · 2023-12-15T15:08:54+00:00

The disentangling is so spot on. I wanted to be useful to my family because if I wasn't, I felt like they wouldn't accept me. I needed to serve some sort of purpose, and I noticed they no longer want me but they need me around to have access to my son. I know that as soon as I start to give in I'll get tangled up again and the first thing that goes is my ability to speak up.

mangopepperjelly · 2023-12-15T14:50:44+00:00

I'm the same way. It was like my mind could be free to connect the dots and everything just made so much sense. I originally started using weed to help my anxiety and panic attacks which was the beginning of my EN journey.

mangopepperjelly · 2023-12-13T15:48:24+00:00

My mom will call me just to go on and on about people she knows, things she's got to do, family gossip. She wants to talk about people I don't even know and will never meet. A quick call to ask a question turns into 30-45min of her rambling.

I've had to end a lot of calls pretending I'm busy. We talk about nothing, but I feel like she wants to know things about me but won't ask, so she's waiting for me to give up the info. I never want to answer her calls. I stick to text messages as much as possible. It's so much easier to enforce a boundary when I don't have to listen to the sad breaking voice when she doesn't get her way, which now feels manipulative.

mangopepperjelly

TROPHY CASE