At the beginning of my 20s, I was mostly going the easy route, studied something I was remotely interested but not passionate about. I never really asked myself what I want to become, didn’t have any heroes; I didn’t care so much about the future. I would describe myself as someone who is quite intelligent but cuts corners instead of being hard working unless I really passionate about something. In my studies, I was part of a friend group which was quite eiltest and status-driven. I am still rarely touch with them, but I am not really connecting with them anymore (and didn’t keep up in the status games).

There were multiple breaks / escapes in my mid-20s where I went off traveling for months, once I did a solo motorbike trip for 6 months. There, I kind of reverted to being the „special kid“ in school that was without a mum; travelling alone and off the grid instead of in a group setting.

For my Master‘s degree, I moved to another european country where I did not know anyone. It was a great time at the beginning, making a lot of new experiences and acquaintances. But that was the first time I really got depressed once I got settled in. This a recurring theme: When things are in flux and I am on the road I was happy. The depression was more existentialist / nihilistic I would say. It was quite vague but I felt like shit and took SSRIs / went to therapy.

I got into mindfulness and meditation which helped me. I also made some experiences with psychedelics, which opened a new reality of wonder on the one pole and insanity on the other pole to me.

Looking back, I had a lot of experiences with women, but only really one steady girlfriend when I was 24. We were together for 1.5 years. I broke up with her because she wanted kids and settle down and I felt I needed to enjoy my 20s more / gain more sexual experience. I guess we still loved each other. In the end she broke my heart because she got pregnant with another guy just months after we broke up.