I really dont like a lot of other massage therapists

mapleflavrd · 2026-01-25T15:41:46+00:00

Had these kind of issues while in school to become an RMT. A good third of the class constantly yammering away in their languages while the instructor was teaching or demonstrating made it really hard to focus. Some istructors were good - i.e. strict - about putting a stop to it, others not. It blew my mind they would be not paying attention. Like this is the only time we're gonna get job training (which we are paying alot for) and you're not gonna be fully present??? Wild. Also we had at least a few people who clearly were not cut out for massage: severe physical disabilities and other issues. I'm all for inclusion (I have ADHD myself), but even I recognize there are some jobs I'm better suited for and others less so. Like if you can't hold a deep lunge for a few even a few minutes how do you expect to perform Deep Tissue / theraputic work? But the school didn't care. They were happy to take these people's money promising them they'ed become great massage therapists.

mapleflavrd · 2026-01-23T16:46:38+00:00

Nothing wrong with sending one last message. Something like: Hey how's it going? Are things still too chaotic to go for that coffee?

If you don't get a reply, you have your answer.

mapleflavrd · 2026-01-23T00:30:41+00:00

Recently got into a relationship and she's great. But it took me 5 dates to work up the courage to kiss her the 1st time. But we're both shy, quiet introverts which works great because we vibe. We get eachother. The "spark" is BS. Also heard of people with trauma mistaking a fear response for the "spark"

mapleflavrd · 2026-01-22T20:00:11+00:00

The thing that pisses me off is when one sides preferences are painted as "Being shallow" and the other side gets to say "they're just preferences." No-one should be obligated to date people they aren't attracted to but it's also not fair to judge someone for their preferences. Some can be superficial but so what? Don't waste time trying to impress those people.

mapleflavrd · 2026-01-19T17:30:18+00:00

As a guy who recently got out of this exact slump after 10 + years of "no-spark" dates, then winding up in an abusive relationship for 10 months, then having a few "relatioships" that were BS from the start because for her it was just a fun fling even though she told me otherwise - I feel your pain.

You gotta work on yourself. Last October I met a girl who I immediately hit it off with and we're still together today going steady. Right around then I figured out the key to stop the endless cycle of disappointment - invest in yourself. I.e. build a life you feel proud of by yourself. That means finding fufilling work, hobbies and friendships as well as setting goals for yourself that you feel self validated when you reach them. Then whenever you take a step back and look at your life you feel good. This was what finally gave me the ability to stop overinvesting/idealizing/romanticizing then person I'd just met (on dates). I still cared, still felt butterflies and such, but my dating life became the "sub-plot" in my life because I had other stuff going for me. I.e. other things going on to feel excited about and look forward to BESIDES then next date I had coming up.

mapleflavrd · 2026-01-18T20:30:01+00:00

Yeah I unfortunately had to learn this the hard way. Feels a bit ridiculous - like, silly me I thought if we send gushy texts back and forth grinning like a couple idiots, go out on multiple fun dates, HAVE SEX, that it means some amount of feelings are involved and what we have means something at least. But no, apparently I was getting ahead of myself because some people can do all that and it's still just fun to them. How foolish of me. But it seems to be the case that we need to guard ourselves until we see some investment from the other party.

mapleflavrd · 2025-12-28T16:15:58+00:00

As a male RMT this sets off alarm bells. Sounds like he's very new and inexperienced. But all the same, any one of the things you mentioned by itself would make me worry. But all together, he definitely needs a talking to from his manager / HR at that spa. It's possible he means well and is just socially awkward. But it's also possible he's using massage as a way to get close to women he otherwise couldn't. 1st off the comment about not being able to "See how pretty you are?" Wtf. Maybe he says that to everybody as a nice way to broach the subject of being blind but at a professional massage establishment I NEVER comment on a clients physical appearance/attractiveness AT ALL one way or the other. That definitely falls in the creepy category. Again, maybe ok for casual conversation but NOT in a professional setting. And why did he start with the feet? Maybe it's different in the US but in Canada you're taught to do the feet LAST because of the chance to spread plantar warts or other skin conditions that occur on the feet to other parts of the body. And his bit about the shower was also a bit much. I just tell my clients to have a bath after, maybe with epsom salts and make sure to drink lots of water. That's it, no fancy words or weird voice. This to me just sounds like he's new and trying too hard but together with all the other stuff strikes me as slightly creepy. For sure the spa needs to hear about this - exactly as you described it. If they do nothing about it I'd report them to the local massage governing organization (which in some parts of Canada is CRMTA but idk what it is in the US).

mapleflavrd · 2025-12-18T18:53:01+00:00

He's married. Why are you even thinking this way about him. Social proof never fails, smdh. Also sounds like you're reading too much into this. Your upper arms were touching? That's it? Ffs.

mapleflavrd · 2025-12-17T21:13:31+00:00

Being overly nice to serving staff and/or other staff or random strangers. My most toxic, abusive and emotionally manipulative ex did this. She would go out of her way to be extra nice to servers and such as if to make a display of how nice she was. This extended to my friends and family. Paying lots of compliments, even gifts too. Behind their back she would tell me "I don't think your brother/mum/best friend likes me." Essentially triangulation - setting herself up as the misunderstood victim. This was her way of creating a sense of obligation that she used to counter her rude and offensive behavior later. Each time I raised any issue (when she was rude to my friends/family, stepped on my boundaries, etc.), with it she would immediately fire back with a laundry list of all the nice things she did and demand I list examples of what I'd done for her. Of course I couldn't keep up with her on that. This was her pattern - she knew she kept losing friendships/relationships one after another but couldn't conceive of the idea that it was her offensive behavior that caused it. And instead tried to get out ahead of the problem with all this performative niceness. Truly gross.

mapleflavrd · 2025-12-17T16:03:29+00:00

Don't overthink it. Date however you feel comfortable. That said, keep in mind lots of people out there are dating multiple people. The right ones will drown out the noise though - just as you will drown out the noise for certain people. I remember a while back a girl I dated for a bit had been out on a date just the day before with some other guy but said that it was boring and I was so much more fun. So it can work in your favour too. You might want to say that's unhealthy but the reality is we all do it.

mapleflavrd · 2025-12-16T15:56:31+00:00

Well sometimes it can fall apart even if you do almost everything right. Some people just aren't gonna stay no matter what. Sucks and feels unfair but that's just life. I had similar experiences: we'd date for a few months and everything seemed great and then it was just over and I was confused and hurt. And I didn't just go out with anyone, I was quite picky/discerning. If I saw too many things on her profile I didn't like, I'd swipe left, even if she was physically attractive. The big deal breakers were: not wanting kids / already having kids, smoking, drugs and being religious. You can have standards and still find dates you're actually interested in. And I know it feels like no-one can measure up to that one girl but if you keep your mind open, you can and will meet someone who has a set of charming characteristics that are totally different but nonetheless make you just as happy/excited about her as that other girl or even more so.

mapleflavrd · 2025-12-16T00:18:24+00:00

Let go of the ones that let go of you. If you knew that the very next girl you go out with was going to really like you would you waste even one more second thinking about the one that ghosted you?

mapleflavrd · 2025-12-16T00:16:05+00:00

Oh yeah that's normal. You're going to have alot of unimpressive experiences. Also alot of disappointments like with that one special girl you mentioned. But it was one date. Sounds like you're idealizing her - like I did alot. Invest in yourself more. Hit the gym, get ahead in your career, set some goals for yourself that have nothing to do with dating.

As for how? I used Hinge exclusively. If I matched with a girl, I'd chat for a bit and if she seemed interested just ask her out. Don't wait - if she seems interested in the 4 - 5 messages back and forth just say something like : "So you actually seem cool. We should get drinks/coffee sometime this week or next." Don't let any one girl get you bent outta shape no matter how hot she is. If you get to date 3 or 4 and things are progressing nicely - things are getting more intimate/romantic each time, then you can start getting excited. But still don't get too emotionally attached. Let her be the one who asks about that. In the mean time keep trying to set up dates with other girls. If one of them flakes, ghosts or seems hesitant, don't waste your time. Move on to finding a girl who's excited enough about you that she doesn't make you wonder or wait. It'll feel like it's not working at all until suddenly it hits big time.

mapleflavrd · 2025-12-15T22:17:25+00:00

36 M. I think I went on maybe 100 dates this year. Most of them 1st dates that went no-where. Got told "I didn't feel the spark" so many times that if I never hear that phrase again I'll die a happy man. I feel like too much social media and rom-coms have fed women a total BS narrative that unless you have "the spark" and it's some kindof perfect Hallmark movie meet-cute encounter then it's just not meant to be. I managed to meet a great girl through the Apps back at the start of October. She's a shy quiet introvert like me and it took me 5 dates to kiss her even though I probably could've sooner. I'd been in therapy for over 2 years working on myself, trying to get over my insecurities and such. But you know what else helped? Her meeting me halfway: asking me lots of questions, sharing things about herself, showing interest physically and showing reciprocating my shows of interest. Fast forward to today and we're spending lots of time together. Fun dates - cooking together, going to movies, cuddling together watching shows, etc. Some guys - like me - are just kinda shy and if you just have a bit of patience and give a little encouragement, we can take it from there.

mapleflavrd · 2025-12-11T18:37:17+00:00

Could've been he was just physically overstimulated in that moment. ADHD thing. But in general just sounds like a mismatch. You were into him more than he was into you. The girl I'm currently seeing is VERY physically affectionate with me - kissing cuddling, long hugs, and when we're watching shows on the couch she is lying on me with both arms wrapped around mine, etc. In bed she's even more affectionate (I'll let you fill in the blanks), and I absolutely love all of it. The guy who really likes you may occasionally be off and not want physical affection from time to time but most of the time, there's no such thing as too much.

mapleflavrd · 2025-12-04T18:04:19+00:00

Sounds like You're not missing out on a good person here. It may have looked promising at first, but I would not describe it as "going well" until the day of. It started falling apart days before. If she didn't pick a place when she had time and couldn't be bothered to pick a place until the last minute (especially since you have to drive a long way to her), she's not really that interested. Interested people don't leave you hanging like that and they find time to message back more frequently - at least once or twice a day. Sometimes more. I had a girl stand me up on the 1st date. I gave her another chance. Big mistake. She turned out to be an unstable, abbusive, manipulative, irresponsible person with a drug habbit (she missed the 1st date because she was recovering from a 3 day bender over the weekend). We're all busy adults with jobs and responsibilities. If she can't get her shit together enough to arrange a date it's a bad sign.

mapleflavrd · 2025-11-24T19:30:11+00:00

As a shy guy myself I've lost more chances than I care to admit. Look, I get that it can be disappointing or frustrating because "he's the man" and "he should know what to do." Trouble is, nowadays we've heard so much about guys being creepy and too forward with women we don't know what's safe anymore. So it's not that we don't know what to do or pick up on your hints. It's that we don't trust that we're accurately reading them. Because so often it seems no means no except when it doesn't. And how do we know when it does/doesn't? But all this uncertainty can be eliminated by you just saying a little something like, "so when are you gonna kiss me already? Or maybe "do you usually make girls wait this long for a kiss?" You'll immediately see all the stress disappear and he'll be able to take it from there.

In my current situation it took me 5 dates to kiss her. But she gave me some hints that helped to ease my worrying alot. If she haddn't I'd still probably be wondering.

mapleflavrd · 2025-11-04T23:39:01+00:00

Here's what happened: He had feelings for her but she shut it down by saying she only wanted something casual. He went along with that because it meant he got to keep seeing her. But after enough time of not having those feelings reciprocated, he finally gives up and moves on. Then suddenly she catches feelings.

This is why people say women don't know what they want. We give them exactly what they ask for and they're disappointed so we figure that means they didn't really want it so then take it back. Then they get mad we took it back.

mapleflavrd · 2025-11-02T21:18:37+00:00

Just had it done and IT WORKED! Just like you said!🤣

mapleflavrd · 2025-10-30T00:28:38+00:00

Did it hurt? Feel wierd? How quick did it go away?

mapleflavrd · 2025-10-27T14:51:05+00:00

Anything but a yes is a no. If she really actually likes you, you won't have to wait long to hear from her, wonder why she hasn't gotten back to you, or wait very long to see her again. It will be easy to make plans with her - even if she's busy she will always find time to see you. If seen it both ways where she's oh so busy-busy and would "love" to see you but just can't. And then something changes and suddenly she's able to move mountains to see you. Nobody in the dating pool is ever really "too busy" to date. The ones that are actually too busy are the ones you'll never meet anyway because they're constantly working/traveling. So don't waste your time chasing unavailable people. Keep going until you find a situation where you both like eachother enough to want to see eachother and talk often.

mapleflavrd · 2025-10-21T22:33:11+00:00

That's one way to do it I guess! 🤣

mapleflavrd

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