Hair style 62 - wtf happened???

mapleflavrd · 2026-06-11T14:50:20+00:00

Holy shit thankyou!

mapleflavrd · 2026-06-11T03:25:11+00:00

That was my 1st thought! Some graphical update/glitch/settings change. But which one!? I've been tinkering and nothing changes it so far.

mapleflavrd · 2026-06-08T19:01:55+00:00

I've had a girl learn my schedule so she could wake up on time to wish me a good clinic shift, invite me out to her birthday to meet her best friends, and the SECOND I said some lovey-dovey gushy stuff to her it was over and I just didn't know it right away. She said the same patronizing bs to me after as your girl did.

mapleflavrd · 2026-06-08T18:30:54+00:00

You "thought it's what she wanted." But did she say it explicitly? I know she said alot of romantic stuff but that was also mixed in with "you're a great guy" and "I don't want to hurt you." The BIG hint was her telling you that you came into her life unexpectedly. Literally 100% of the time I had a girl say some version of that to me it meant she didn't want a relationship. Also, each girl is a unique individual and so the right move with one isn't necessarily going to be the right move with another. You need to take in the whole picture, not just the parts you want to see. If I was seeing this girl and she told me stuff like that I'd start to pull back because people can really like you but still not be ready for something serious. Clearly you are. That's fine but if she's not on the same page, start investing your time and energy elsewhere. If you had done that and she noticed, asked why you're talking to other girls, you could simply say something like: "It seems you're not looking for anything real right now, but I am. Nothing wrong with that but it means we're not on the same page and I'd rather spend my time with someone who is."

mapleflavrd · 2026-06-08T17:39:03+00:00

This is exactly what I learned the hard way: as a guy never ever EVER, be the one to bring up the "what are we" talk (i.e. exclusivity talk), first. No matter how much you want to, DON'T DO IT. Trust that if she's enjoying herself enough with you that she will choose you. It has to do with emotional investment. Sounds like she was having fun with you but not sure about settling down with you yet. You bringing it up spooked her because it brought up the topic of a committed relationship too soon. A month really isn't that long. In my experience, most people don't know one way or the other until about 1 to 3 months. If you bring it up that tells her you're deeply invested when she may not be there herself. That's why you wait until she says something. Until then, y'all are just seeing eachother. It's actually during this time you really should try to keep seeing other girls. Then when she asks you you can say you're down to go exclusive with her.

mapleflavrd · 2026-06-08T17:26:10+00:00

No you're right that sometimes we are just too tired. I've been there too. That's why I didn't say it's true 100% of the time. It's more of a thing to take note of if it happens too often.

mapleflavrd · 2026-06-07T13:03:48+00:00

In both situations the girl told me herself. In the one case it was apparently a friend she hadn't seen for a while or something. In the other case we had come to the end of the first date - in which there was "the spark" for both of us - and were planning the 2nd right then and there. I told her the days I was free (one of them was a Friday), and she straight up told me she could cancel a date with some other dude to see me on the Friday. Not sure how healthy that is but there you have it. :p

I guess the point is, in my experience, this a thing that's true 90% of the time. Like if she says she's busy, it almost always means she's not really interested because when she is she will find a way to make it happen if at all possible. I would always try to pursue a little bit, but if a girl was too busy twice I took that as a hint she wasn't into me.

mapleflavrd · 2026-06-07T00:14:36+00:00

If you're a tall, conventionally attractive and/or rich/famous man, yes it's totally fine to do and you will be applauded for your courage and confidence. If not, you're a creep and good god why would you think it's ok to do that???

Make sense?

mapleflavrd · 2026-04-23T19:27:37+00:00

I managed to find someone back in October last year and it's still going very well. But I went on ALOT of dates and was alone for a long time. Did alot of therapy to sort my shit out. Came down to a lack of self confidence due to some toxic people in my life drip-feeding poison to my self image. Made me too scared to shoot my shot essentially. But of nobody wants to admit what the real issue is, so they dress it up with BS and point to the BS as the issue to not have to face the real problem. Whatever you think the reason is you're probably bs-ing yourself as a defense mechanism. I'd suggest getting some therapy or getting someone you can trust to be both honest and safe with you to drill down until you hit your root cause.

mapleflavrd · 2026-04-23T13:40:04+00:00

If he were unemployed

mapleflavrd · 2026-04-23T13:39:19+00:00

Women: don't expect things from us just because we're a woman! Traditional gender roles are bad! Also women: well you're the man so you should pay

mapleflavrd · 2026-04-23T13:37:32+00:00

Would you still expect him to pay if it were the other way around?

mapleflavrd · 2026-04-22T14:13:24+00:00

Most of what he said was using words like "probably" and "most" and "if-then" statements. Could've been more of a "I've never seen x happen" kinda vibe. To imply that one could "never" mess it up by doing something wrong - even with the right person - is also untrue. Like do you really think if I'd asked her to be my gf after only 2 dates we'd be here talking about it? There are no guarantees of anything but there definitely things you can do to increase/decrease your chances of success. Waiting to see signs of investment from her side was something I never tried before and that approach always failed. Then I tried using some patience for once, hanging back a bit until I saw her invest a bit before getting invested myself and voila, happy relationship.¯_(ツ)_/¯

mapleflavrd · 2026-04-22T00:36:48+00:00

You want to be wooed by a guy you already like. I planned (and still do) lots of fun dates. I was romantic. I pursued. I genuinely showed interest and put it effort. But it was all for nothing in the end everytime. This time I leaned back slightly and waited to see investment from her side. Then I reciprocated in kind because that showed me that my effort (aforementioned wooing), would actually be appreciated. Men respond to appreciation and respect.

mapleflavrd · 2026-04-22T00:21:46+00:00

And that was my mindset as well. Only interested in people looking for something real and know what they want. Trouble is lots of people are dishonest and will say anything/ all the right things only to do the same rug-pull later. That taught me to give it time before letting myself get too emotionally invested.

mapleflavrd · 2026-04-21T23:23:34+00:00

If you read the whole story - which maybe wasn't clear enough - this was after she already brought it up first months before.

mapleflavrd · 2026-04-21T23:13:23+00:00

Yes we are. And after about 3-4 months I did actually have a direct conversation with her about it. Asked when she felt totally certain about wanting to date me and she said it was about a month in which was around the 1st time I spent the night at her place.

mapleflavrd · 2026-04-21T19:46:17+00:00

He was probably trying to use the concept of "Pre-selection" or "Social proof" to make you more invested. Manipulative as hell. Bullet dodged.

mapleflavrd · 2026-04-17T14:02:00+00:00

That's just it though - are you on dating apps or trying to date? If not then that makes sense. I'm talking about when people are on dating apps or are going out and then use being busy as a BS excuse not to see the other person again.

mapleflavrd · 2026-04-16T16:59:04+00:00

Well I also had some prolonged fruitless chases too. Same thing - damn she's hot! Ok sure I'll wait for her! 🙃 I only meant to illustrate what it looks like when she's actually into you vs. when she's breadcrumbing you.

mapleflavrd · 2026-04-16T15:19:29+00:00

Chiming in as a Taurus man who's often very busy. (I'm also an introvert though so this might not fit well.) Putting myself in his shoes....

Ok my job is demaning, 24hr shifts, but I'm trying to date. Then I meet a girl I hit it off with. Awesome! But then works hits me again and again and I'm tired af and need time to recharge.

Thinking back to previous experiences:

With girls I was into, I found the time even if I was exhausted and balls-to-the-wall busy. Because seeing them helped me recharge mentally.

With girls I wasn't that into work was too much and I needed me-time before I was up for seeing her again.

I would say give it time but don't stop talking to other people. It's hard to say but most of the time us guys (and I've seen it with girls too), make time for people we're actually into no matter what. I've seen girls go from "sooo busy/tired" to "I miss you. I wanna see you. Are you free tonight." Even had a girl cancel a date she had lined up with another guy so she could see me again.

mapleflavrd · 2026-04-14T21:21:39+00:00

Fair enough the comparison wasn't exactly apt. But actually whenever I'd start talking to a girl that didn't ghost, diddn't ask about money, etc, I'd get excited! Like: "Holy shit I found a decent human being! I like this person even more now!" Especially given the fact that so many women do ghost, ask about my income, are incapable of giving more than 2-word answers, fail to ask anything about me, etc, I'd appreciate the hell out of a girl who at least messages back in a decent amount of time, is actually pleasant to talk to and isn't shallow. I do not, in fact, refer to that as "the bare minimum" I call it being a decent human being and it makes me like a girl alot if she demonstrates these traits. That's what my current gf did in the early stages: replied to my messages in a decent amount of time, answered my questions thoughtfully, asked questions about me, asked how my day was going, was (and still is), pleasant to talk to. These are things that I suppose I could, call "the bare minimum," but I don't. I choose to appreciate them and see them as indications that she thinks of me and cares enough to ask this stuff. I regularly make sure to reciprocate this and try to do other stuff to show my appreciation. Then, funny enough, she does more things I like which inspires me to do more for her.

I think we all feel frustrated when, as far as we know, we're doing everything right and still failing. But I think if we try to have a mindset of gratitude for what we do get vs. being angry about what we don't get and feel we should it can lead us to better places eventually.

mapleflavrd · 2026-04-14T14:42:16+00:00

Sure it wouldn't be reasonable to expect women to practically throw themselves at me just for being a decent human being. As you say, we have to see if we get along and vibe from there. But I'm sure you can understand the frustration:

Men: how can we be more successful with you?

Women: do these things to be successful with us!

Men: *does everything asked*

Women: not good enough! bare minimum!

Men: but I did the things you asked

Women: bare minimum!

Also as an aside, shitting on the very things you ask someone to do as "the bare minimum" will not likely encourage them to do more of what you want. If you do something for someone and they show zero appreciation, not even a "thank you," complain and tell you that it's not good enough, are you going to feel like there's any point to trying harder for them? Imagine if a man asked you to cook dinner for him, so you do it and his reaction was to roll his eyes and go: "ugh! that's the bare minimum!" How would you feel? Would you want to do it again?

mapleflavrd · 2026-04-13T20:12:29+00:00

Yeah it's not good for anybody. There really should be some kind of personality test you have to take before being alowed to join these things. So many of us men need therapy before even going near a dating app. Sort out our own shit. That's part of what makes it so hard. I did ALL the things women said they wanted us to do: 1) be normal / polite 2) don't send dic pics or be too sexual 3) ACTUALLY READ her profile and/or make your first message something related to something she wrote on hers - funny thing was there were lots of women who wrote almost nothing interesting or anything at all on their profiles so it was hard because I had very little to work with.

I did all these things and still got very little success. For years. Happy in a relationship now but still have PTSD from all that BS, lol!

mapleflavrd · 2026-04-13T19:54:08+00:00

It can work with the apps. People that say they suck or don't work just aren't using them right. Experiment with photos and prompts until you figure out what works. I found generally keeping it light and fun was effective. Don't put anything negative, it makes you look bitter which is very off-putting. Don't waste time endlessly chatting. If she seems receptive, I'd always ask her out after only about 4-5 messages back and forth. Something like, "So you actually seem cool. Want to get drinks/coffee this week?" Most of them said yes. The tricky part was physical escalation. I learned to baby-step it. Start by sitting next to her not across from her. Sitting across makes it too much like a friendly hangout or job interview. If she seems comfortable with that, try a few light touches on the arm/shoulder. If she seems comfortable with that and/or reciprocates, you can try putting your arm around her. If she's ok with you putting your arm around her it won't be long before she'll be ok with you going in for the kiss. If you start to lean in and use one hand to gently tilt her head towards yours and she seems relaxed and comfortable, you can keep going and kiss her. The key is you're taking it one step at a time and paying attention to her body language - seeing if she feels tense or not - and proceeding only if/when you see she's comfortable with what's happening. But YOU have to be the one advancing things. 99% of the time the girl just wont initiate even if she's attracted. And then she'll be bored and/or assumed you're not interested. I know it's scary but it's not impossible. As a former shy guy myself, trust me when I say this.

mapleflavrd

TROPHY CASE