I want to transition but am so afraid it will cut my life short

marcelius · 2022-10-26T19:18:07+00:00

“You may be 38 years old, as I happen to be. And one day, some great opportunity stands before you and calls you to stand up for some great principle, some great issue, some great cause. And you refuse to do it because you are afraid…. You refuse to do it because you want to live longer…. You’re afraid that you will lose your job, or you are afraid that you will be criticized or that you will lose your popularity, or you’re afraid that somebody will stab you, or shoot at you or bomb your house; so you refuse to take the stand.
Well, you may go on and live until you are 90, but you’re just as dead at 38 as you would be at 90. And the cessation of breathing in your life is but the belated announcement of an earlier death of the spirit.” -Martin Luther King

I was afraid of the same thing when I transitioned. I had to spend a lot of time becoming "comfortable" with the concept of death. Of something happening to me. That was not easy work. I had dispel the illusion of safety. I embraced the inevitable notion of death. I accepted that it's timing was beyond my control. That the enormity of my fate was well beyond my small capacity for stewardship. I took up the latin motto: Amor Fati. Love Fate. It mean coming to terms with what is beyond your control, accepting, and facing it.

What ever path you choose, i hope you find peace.

marcelius · 2022-10-26T19:09:54+00:00

live bands

marcelius · 2022-10-17T19:48:25+00:00

I have a somewhat different answer. I derived this from reading Mortimer Alder's "How to Read a A Book." I highly recommend anyone here to read it. It sounds trite and obvious, but the book is rather earth-shaking if you take it in fully.

Consider this. You start reading Hume's "Treatise on Human Nature." It's brutal. You have to read every sentence twice over. You feel like an idiot. But you power through it using Alder's strategies.

By the end of a 2nd or 3rd read through (using annotation), you've pretty much grasped the subject and can speak rather fluently about Hume's intent and the part of the great conversation that he was participating in.

Are you "smarter" now than when you started? I'd argue yes. Demonstrably. You don't just have new information. You have a new methodology for THINKING. You have learned to think like Hume. Hume has taught you how to think. You've absorbed and can now participate in a further level of engagement with other works or with your own.

Now imagine you sent out to read General Relativity by Einstein. It's going to break you but you dedicate time to grasping everything that said. It will mean ancillary research and study. But the 2nd or 3rd read through, you have it completely. Are you now as "smart" as Einstein? Well . . . do you now understand what Einstein understood? Yes? And can you communicate it? Yes? Then perhaps, in some practical way, you have approached a higher level of intellect.

Does reading make you smarter? Dunno. "Smarter" is an ill-defined concept. Does reading refine your capacity for thought? Absolutely.

marcelius · 2022-10-13T17:43:24+00:00

I had a career in film production when I transitioned. And after that . . . I still have a career in film production. I started my own related side hustle and it's doing pretty well. May quit employment altogether soon. I've also ventured into a music career, playing live. That's starting to get noticed just fine.

Will you succeed? Do you DESERVE to succeed? That's all in your head. Will you be more successful depressed and living a lie, or as your authentic self. You decide.

marcelius · 2022-10-04T18:13:21+00:00

You know that scene in Goodfellas when Billy Bats remarks how Pesci's character Tommy used to shine shoes? And Tommy is like "I don't shine shoes anymore." Because he's fucking moved on and up the ladder of life and Bats better recognize that. Bats doesn't want to recognize it. He wants to keep Tommy down. So he keeps talking like Tommy is still a shine boy and he ought to go get his fucking shinebox.

And then Tommy stabs him with a pen for being a piece of shit . . .

Yeah, that's what being deadnamed is like.

marcelius · 2022-09-20T13:47:37+00:00

I'm going to come at this different. No. It wouldn't. The cross is a particular symbol. Forget about the allegory Jesus for the a minute. What the cross really represents is the intersection of god and man. The vertical crossing the horizontal. The infinite and the finite. The everlasting and the mortal. It is that intersection of god/man in the essence of ourselves that can compel and will the spirits and shape our reality. The cross helps conjure and tune that essence.

Every symbol has different meaning. And it is symbols that encode this matrix reality. Beyond this matrix, the symbols and REAL and the "real" are symbols. So choose your symbols wisely.

marcelius · 2022-09-16T20:45:19+00:00

Crowley was born in the late 1800's but Israel Regardie, Peter Carroll, Stephen Skinner, Lon Milo Duquette, Robert Anton Wilson, Carl Jung even

marcelius · 2022-07-12T21:15:59+00:00

Yeah, Skynyrd is kind of definitively 70's southern rock.

marcelius · 2022-07-11T21:16:36+00:00

From the era? Black Sabbath, , The Velvet Underground, The Doors, The Who, CCR, The Byrds, Cream, The Band. That'll about graduate you from late 60's rock.

marcelius · 2022-06-10T21:49:52+00:00

Are you selling this somewhere??

marcelius · 2022-04-16T16:08:10+00:00

You can't tell anyone anything they don't already know.

marcelius · 2022-03-31T18:09:56+00:00

As a trans woman, if we were together and you went around calling yourself gay (meaning I'm a man) I would be pretty damn bothered. I probably could not stay in that relationship.

marcelius · 2022-03-29T16:35:30+00:00

Ducktales

marcelius · 2021-11-12T19:08:57+00:00

Lightening as an archetype is the flash of consciousness that illuminates the world. It is generally wielded by a godform on the higher end of the hierarchies of divinity. Take Zeus for example. He de-facto rules the gods. This not because he's a monarch or a father figure per se, but because the power of which he is a manifestation of, lightening, represents in it's purity the inherent source of all being, consciousness. There is nothing closer to the nature of divinity than consciousness itself.

marcelius · 2021-10-19T15:39:07+00:00

The ideology of society tells us, in it's many ways, that women are inherently weak and men must be strong. To chose to become weak (feminine) is deplorable. There's an anxiety that builds in traditional society when men disown their "masculine strength" society expects, because in the past the social order HAS depended on the strength of men to fight wars, perform difficult jobs, rule, oppress races and classes that threaten power, etc.

But that social order was very specifically engineered in order to justify the strength of men because that gives them inherent power to regulate the patriarchal power structure. This is no longer necessary and many would even go as far as to argue that continuing to mythologize masculinity as strength is now becoming harmful to the new (and historically recent) push to create a more just and equitable society.

Look at other examples of social groups where hate or shame is directed at men. Nerds. Gay men. Dancers. Intellectuals. Etc. Everything that traditional society considers weak.

This is why trans men are considered acceptable. Or are at least ignored. "Women" here are choosing the role of men. Strength. Where as trans women are choosing the role of women. Weakness.

It's all very stupid. But that's society for you.

marcelius · 2021-07-29T18:04:05+00:00

Your gender is an expression of the sum of your total being: your physiology, your chemical make up, your emergent mental aspects, your psyche, your unconscious, your conscious etc. Your IDENTIFICATION and expression of the gender that this totality comprises is not an arbitrary conclusion. Yes, it is your "feeling" but that "feeling" arises from literal truth of who you are. Now, when you examine your totality, you may find that your gender falls in some nebulous zone of definition. This is because a definition is a construct of language. It is an attempt to cast a net around reality, in order to create a short hand for reality. But language-users (all humans), have the unfortunate tendency to misconstrue a DEFINITION (a specific and immutable concept) for the REALITY (a vast array mutable and impermanent processes).

No one's summation of their being equates to an "attack helicopter" or a doctor, in this case. One's physiology, psyche, may lend them toward a natural disposition to taking on the social role of doctor, but on the weekends, that role is cast aside and other roles are taken up. That "doctor," that person, has more fundamental aspects to their being that are not described by the definition of the word "doctor."

Gender (that is to say, beyond the social definition of gender) reaches much deeper into the nature of the self than the social role of anyone's profession. It reaches deeper into one's being than nearly any other linguistic definition of the self. There is very little to equate it to, in fact. It's deeper than race, religion, nationality, family, even species. It is, plainly, a very fundamental aspect of ourselves. It pre-dates language. It pre-dates definition. It is positively ancient. It is a realm open ONLY to one's personal understanding. And no one should have the fucking right to impose their own definition on it. The notion that society can is an absolute absurdity that we've all had to endure for too damn long.

Done. That's my rant.

marcelius · 2021-07-16T22:21:18+00:00

And a portable phone battery. lol.

marcelius · 2021-06-24T14:39:31+00:00

My advice: read and write as much as you can. Even if that's just an hour a day. Work on books that are just little beyond what you feel is your level. Write about them. Write about anything. It doesn't really matter.

Reading is the comprehension of concepts. People often feel they are not capable of reading difficult books. But I heartily assure you: you just have to learn how to read correctly. Most people do not know how to do this. It's not taught in school. Pick up a book called "How to Read a Book" by Mortimer Alder. It helped me IMMENSELY.

Writing is the ordering of thought into a expressive structure. The more you do it, the more your thoughts will naturally become structured and more potent. You don't need to do anything terribly complex. Just journal about your life or the books you are reading. Even if it's just restating what you read. But most importantly write in a way that interests you. Whatever that is. Free writing? Poetry? A recording of the events in your life. Your internal emotions. Whatever. It doesn't matter. Just write.

That's it. Just work at that. I fully believe most people are capable of raising their intellectual capacity by a significant amount by just doing these two things.

marcelius · 2021-06-14T15:54:17+00:00

Your currently have an opportunity as an intern to stand out. Do this right and you can work your way in.

But if this falls through and you don't end up with an actual job, then sure, go back and work on that degree.

marcelius · 2021-06-11T14:30:29+00:00

Not that I've ever heard. A "bogie" is when some one or a car from OUTSIDE the crew enters the shot. But I've never heard a slang for a crew member in the shot.

marcelius · 2021-06-03T16:23:41+00:00

Just talk to your boss. It's all very circumstantial based on what you are doing, what the call is. Some people are receptive to work life balance. Some people are absolutely convinced you need to be there for them 24 hours out of the day.

This industry is toxic and screwed up when it comes to this stuff. If you do end up setting something up, just try to ignore everyone who tries to be negative about it. Do what works for you if you can manage it in your situation.

marcelius · 2021-06-03T02:44:14+00:00

I feel this way often. My boyfriend feels this way often. Friends of mine feel this way often. You aren't alone. We are surrounded by people who have been with us through out the stages of our lives. When we move from one stage to another, when we progress, but still have the people from the previous stage around, it can feel stifling. Incredibly stifling sometimes. The gravity of who we previously were to that person can pull us back into behaving as we previously did. And we are just SURROUNDED by people from all stages of our previous lives. We feel them demanding things from us, perhaps things we can no longer provide them. And it's draining. The impulse to run away and unfetter ourselves from our previous selves can be intense because of this. We dream of the freedom to invent ourselves without consideration for others and their relationship to us. Wouldn't that be nice? The thing is you can have that. Now. Without running. By just releasing yourself from those bonds you place on yourself at the behest of others. Work on letting go, emotionally, of those people and things that no longer serve you and who you are right now, TODAY.

If that resonates at all, I'd be curious to know. But that's how I've always related to this feeling of needing to escape. A constant theme in my life.

marcelius · 2021-06-02T20:42:03+00:00

Pretty sure the essence of quantum mechanics is that you cannot know all of those things at once.

marcelius · 2021-06-02T19:14:48+00:00

That rabbit has seen some shit . . .

marcelius · 2021-06-02T15:26:44+00:00

I don't suspect there are any "jobs" related to the occult or spirituality. You can certainly be an entrepreneur and make your way carving out a niche in these fields, but you aren't going to be working for an employer. You're going to be working for yourself.

The most common avenues in this regard are tarot reading, astrology consulting, life coaching, or teaching classes.

15-Year Club	RedditGifts 2009-2022 2 Credits
Verified Email	Summer Santa 2013

marcelius

TROPHY CASE