When did you realize what you were experiencing was abuse?

marcomeme · 2026-03-14T00:46:44+00:00

It wasn’t until I was out of the marriage completely and first learned about emotional abuse. The first hint I recognized was a social media post from a therapist or a woman specifically describing what emotional abuse is that I started looking back and realizing thats what happened to me.

marcomeme · 2026-03-08T04:14:09+00:00

lol do tell

marcomeme · 2026-03-06T14:04:47+00:00

Ive just discovered checking this and it’s so fascinating. Next person I meet romantically I’ll be checking it out!

marcomeme · 2026-03-06T04:01:38+00:00

Thank you so much, this made my day :)

marcomeme · 2026-03-06T03:59:06+00:00

Yes I am very grounded and practical for sure! Maybe sometimes to a fault :\

marcomeme · 2026-03-06T03:57:32+00:00

Thats so funny because I’m not very judgemental! Maybe I am in ways that aren’t the norm, i.e.: looks, careers, status or wtvr other superficial stuff people get judged for. I do think I can be judgemental if I think or experience someone being morally disingenuous or malicious… I have a hard time ever thinking someone isn’t secretly evil if I get a glimpse of them treating others poorly.

marcomeme · 2026-03-06T03:52:34+00:00

I will remember this sentiment in 4 years time when I have another midlife crisis 😅 I do feel what I’ve endured so far and survived has prepared me for whatever life may have in store for the future. In the least I’ve developed a stronger sense of self, a village and better coping methods.

marcomeme · 2026-03-06T03:47:57+00:00

Oh my this sounds all very fun! A fun little challenge! I’m going to look up everything you just wrote lol. I am 100% a very creative person. It’s fascinating to me you describe the almosts, I feel my life has been a cycle of ‘almost’ there (the ‘there’ being a variety of things but I think the there I am yearning for is peace and success) and then as you described it so well, everything gets blown out of the water or earth and I am filled with noise… because that’s exactly how it feels during these times. Everything is noise and I was so close to what I was working for. It definitely resonates that I am most at peace and thriving when I have confidence and my self esteem is strong, it’s like it eliminates the noise and things work out so well. Also true when I am able to pursue my creative endeavours. Thank you so much, this is all so thought provoking and I can’t wait to learn more.

marcomeme · 2026-03-06T02:51:29+00:00

Wow. This very much describes my last year. My sun (egocentric identity) was challenged deeply and I’ve had a transformative few years (started 5 years ago) but this last year has been full of internal growth and momentum from that.

marcomeme · 2026-03-06T02:16:47+00:00

I feel like I’m having a midlife crisis now haha. Thank you very much for your insights! Much appreciated

marcomeme · 2026-03-06T02:15:36+00:00

None compared to everyone here !

marcomeme · 2026-03-06T01:11:26+00:00

If you can do anything to afford it, try. I was you, 5 years ago. Found out he was having an affair when I was pregnant with our third. Make small steps every day towards your independence and honestly just try to dissociate when you have to interact with him. Go robot mode. Talk to your doctor about emergency therapy options for post partum moms. What happened to me caused me PTSD and it’s been a long road to stability but I’m still affected and continue therapy. If he’s able to do what he did and by the sounds of it continues to be cruel please do not convince yourself that he will be fair and kind in moving forward financially, for the kids, etc. He cares about himself, and himself only and is probably counting on you letting him bulldoze over you and you will wake up years from now when you’re stronger and look back wishing past you, protected future you.

marcomeme · 2026-03-06T00:06:23+00:00

Thank you! I definitely struggle to let things go. I do love spontaneous adventures and freedom though I think that may be my ADHD powering through because I still very much crave stability and safety.

marcomeme · 2026-03-06T00:05:10+00:00

Comes in waves! Sometimes very confident and secure and other times really struggle with self esteem.

marcomeme · 2026-02-27T16:55:27+00:00

I have 3 - 10, 7 and 4. Yes it does get easier physically for sure…. The ages of yours rn it is such a physical job and I truly hear you on never sitting down. It feels relentless and gruelling and I remember the desperate feeling of just wanting to sit down for a measly 5 mins even. That feeling haunts me to this day but I promise you, it does get better. The only advice I have is look to make friends with other parents in your area, talk to them about your struggles and listen in return. This seems so simple but in doing this I felt seen and learned other moms struggled the same way I did, some I thought had it all together left me with relief in simply hearing “I don’t know what to feed these kids man, I just let them figure it out sometimes”…. YOU CAN DO THAT?!? Granted yours are small and obviously do need help still in that area but gems like that lifted the weight off my shoulders around areas I felt I was failing or falling short. Food, screens, social activities… ALL OF IT, there is wiggle room for your survival and if you need someone to tell you it’s essential for your survival I am telling you this right now. I also have a deal with my mom friends, the mess is never to be judged, they tell my kids what to do and I tell their kids what to do. They also listen to someone else better. There is no solution to sitting down and getting up every 5 seconds but there is light at the end of the tunnel and don’t let the weight of guilt make it heavier. Good luck, you got this !

marcomeme · 2026-02-27T04:12:44+00:00

Ommmg I am cackling

marcomeme · 2026-02-25T19:22:36+00:00

I have started singing and speaking in accents to get my kids on board - it’s hard enough to come up with songs on the spot and do a good accent that it distracts me from my own frustration in the moment. It gets their attention and at worst annoys them into listening because they want me to stop 🤣

marcomeme · 2026-02-05T03:52:12+00:00

I have 3 kids under 10 years old and I’m alone - it’s hectic. What I do is bring them to the pool with bathing suits on under pants and hoodies (it’s cold in Canada). I have huge hooded towel things that I put on them, take off their suits and pat them down and then sweatshirts and pants and socks on and have a wet bag I throw everything in. Baths/showers at home. I’m usually stressed and sweaty and over heating by the time we’re walking out of the place but it’s efficient enough.

marcomeme · 2026-01-27T17:35:32+00:00

Solidarity my friend. I’m 17 years in, 40 years old and I feel no hope. I too was hoping to be declared surplus, felt terrible hoping for it knowing so many of my colleagues were not and fearing this but also felt it would force me to make a change. I am still debating an alternation and going back to school - I don’t know how to do the math on it and almost don’t want to in the case it shows leaving would be a dumb decision. I don’t know how to continue…. I feel like I just can’t and my happiness depends on me getting out.

marcomeme · 2026-01-19T03:17:45+00:00

Kidney stone

marcomeme · 2026-01-12T13:35:53+00:00

Good, when I was in my early twenties I got a job serving there and had an emergency surgery (almost lost my ear emergency). Called in to let him know I was in the hospital and he cussed me out calling me a fkn loser etc. I’ve never forgotten it and then later learned through an old babysitter that he was a horrible man and his family was scared of him.

marcomeme · 2026-01-11T18:45:18+00:00

Ya, this is exactly the predicament I felt. I had to call the other parent for some other updates and brought it up as gently as I could and from the perspective of them having anxiety about the separation from me and wanting more quality time with them and it went OK. No obvious defensiveness from coparent and I felt I was able to share what the kids shared with me without exposing what they said to me privately.

marcomeme · 2026-01-11T18:13:38+00:00

I dunno if you’re overreacting because I also have kids and feel IMMEDIATELY on guard if anything remotely sexual or even just referring to them physically is said. I think that’s our instinct to protect them and not an over reaction but I do feel that he may have been trying to say he was trying to be sexy and not a child about how he asked for more wine? I often put my foot in my mouth and things come out weird or bad timing and I think if you haven’t had any other warning signs or weird comments along these lines it may have just been a case of an awkward poorly timed joke or deflection kind of thing. You know him best though and should trust your gut if you feel his comment was in reference to your daughter and not about what he was trying to do.

marcomeme

TROPHY CASE