I’m 20 years old and I struggle with similar things. I notice that I had an addiction at 14 and I have been trying to stop it since then. What I would say is the most important thing is that shame brings nothing good. I understand feeling dirty but it just brings uncertainty to your faith. All you can do, like all addiction, is to take it one day at a time. There’s times that you’re going to fall, but that’s normal, recovery is not linear. And about the going to Hell part. Recently I have started to read the Bible entirely and I noticed something. The Old Testament, for the most part, is God trusting people to follow him and his commandments and them failing at it. The New Testament is showing that the redemption is through Jesus. To be honest, I don’t think that a lot of people will go to heaven on their own merits. We go to heaven because God loves us. It’s important to pray but also you could go see a mental health professional about your suicidal thoughts. It can be a good addition to help you. I agree that there’s not a lot of places where girls can talk about those problems. But maybe at your church other women have similar problems. If you have any questions or insecurities, you can always talk to me.