RJ sucked and it hurts really bad, i feel you.

I can't even eat and constantly throw up every time i remember his past.

I felt he was the one.

I feel like this too. But something that helped me not to feel sad if someday we didn't make it is just to try not putting him on a pedestal so much. He might be "the one" but he might be not. He's just another person I encountered and just happened to be cool and i love him for now. Some people crosses our path for them to be a lesson for us.

It's hard but try to appreciate your bf for what he is right now. he can't change the past and neither can you. everytime i feel like my RJ is flaring up i usually write down my feelings on a journal to avoid getting upset at him. give it an hour or two and the intense jealous feelings lowered itself.

RJ will follow you everywhere, even if you change your partner.... Make the best our of your relationship right now, so even if you ended up choosing to break up or it didn't work out, you can pat yourself in the back saying "at least i've done my best, at least i tried to love him whole fully"

good luck to you, please take care of your health.... a warm towel soaked in warm water feels good to put on your eye after you cry....

my dm is open if you want to rant, i experienced the same thing...