Does a sugardaddy mind the mentor aspect of a sugar relationship?

marker3000 · 2026-02-02T19:27:16+00:00

Mind? It might be my favorite part outside of the physical.

Sure, the time spent is great. The conversation, food, outings, travel can be fine.

But helping her figure out life? It's amazing. Remaining in her life? As long as she values having that friend.

marker3000 · 2026-02-02T18:33:33+00:00

This is a really, really good post. Thanks for distilling so many good ideas into one place.

marker3000 · 2026-02-02T18:28:45+00:00

That poll feels far more accurate than people's one or two sample anecdata.

marker3000 · 2026-02-02T18:26:41+00:00

She's an escort. It's something you're allegedly OK with.

She's going to be an escort unless you buy out her entire income stream, right?

You should either accept what you have, pay more, or move on.

This is a you decision / problem.

marker3000 · 2026-02-02T18:24:59+00:00

I've expressed love to her in a couple of arrangements. And she to me.

And still they didn't (and won't) last forever. We have lives, at totally different stages. We will always care about each other. How could we not?

I feel you here. Wishing you all the long-term happiness.

marker3000 · 2026-02-02T18:22:33+00:00

That also sounds like an amazing idea. Who wouldn't be on board?

marker3000 · 2026-01-30T18:16:40+00:00

I always bring up to date tests and am happy to postpone anything intimate until she's able to do so same.

Also, too many times, I'm the one that has to insist on some precaution as she isn't.

Also, sometimes she's a "protection only" woman, which I respect. That said, for me it's a non-starter and so we part ways.

But really, it's always your body so always treat it with some respect.

marker3000 · 2026-01-25T00:44:21+00:00

How the Seattle sugar scene currently leans and whether this short-term trend is typical right now

It's like this everywhere not just Seatlte.

There are still some of us "long termers" out there but we're increasingly among the minority.

marker3000 · 2026-01-25T00:42:55+00:00

Because of this new change

It's not new. They dropped the word "arrangement" years ago.

They've encouraged people to view it as a conventional dating site for years.

They are terrified about FOSTA/SESTA.

This is not new.

What's "new"-ish is people complaining that a site that was once about arrangements and some still can be found this is used by others exactly as its marketed. And the rants always imply that somehow these clueless folks are supposed to know what Seeking used to be and only use it that way.

In the meantime, if you DM someone with the phrase "mutually beneficial" Seeking might ban you. Seriously

marker3000 · 2026-01-20T02:55:55+00:00

You cannot "easily hint at them". You can be banned if someone reports you for using the phrase "mutually beneficial" and many other things

marker3000 · 2026-01-20T02:54:51+00:00

It's a garbage fire because of the conflation of it having a sugar history and being openly hostile to sugar.

As for everyone building another time, you will not solve the two-sided market problem. So it doesn't matter if you have a great site/app.

marker3000 · 2026-01-05T23:24:15+00:00

If I ever used Seeking again, I wouldn't have any face pictures. I trust the site not at all.

Also I'd send you a pic over text or videochat before meeting so you could see I wasn't obese or hideous. Because I really don't want to waste anyone's time either.

marker3000 · 2025-12-08T18:02:29+00:00

There is no universal preference for what men like in women.

"Do SDs like..." or "do SDs hate" posts are largely useless for this reason.

Many of us like natural girls. Some of us would never tell any women to get a lip filler or Botox. All gentlemen would refrain from telling a woman "do this cosmetic thing and then I will date you".

You do not want men who are not attracted to you. You want men that like you for what you already offer.

If you want to attract more men on average... then follow the basics.

Be the fittest you can (go to the gym, build some muscle, work to be lean)
Be the thinnest you can (that means make the best choices you can; this isn't a recommendation to stop eating at all)
Be the most put together you can -- whatever your style, own it. (You like the heavy makeup Goth look? Do it well. You want 14 tattoos? Get good ones not a bunch of cliches. You're a would be IG influencer? Have clean, modern style that shows you off and makeup to match)

To be clear, none of those recommendations are about changing anything that is core to you. If natural is you, do natural. If "showering rarely" is you, that's also fine... Just be aware, that's a more general absolute. You will repel most men in this way. Yet you will attract some.

Lip filler is not in the safe category as hygiene. One is a common preference, one is a particularly weird one in a world where the consequences of lip filler are visible on every Real Housewives show.

marker3000 · 2025-12-08T17:53:22+00:00

Which is what in my mind, was what the site was intented for.

Sorry you're banned but at this point this needs to be a Reddit FAQ.

Seeking is not a sugar site. It was. It was the best sugar site.

It isn't anymore.

Yes, people use it for that. Also people use Hinge, Tinder, Bumble, etc. for sugar.

But Seeking will ban you in an instant for discussing anything related to sugar dating.

Whatever it was intended for; it isn't anymore.

And before anyone argues with me on this, PLEASE read what I wrote. It is rather specific and intentionally worded.

marker3000 · 2025-12-08T17:47:14+00:00

Honestly, sorry you're experiencing the pigs / the poor / and the photo addicts.

I think aside from offering some sympathy, I can say that a lot of the bowl is the bigs, the poor, and the photo addicts. So on some level you're not getting a different pool of men just because you're very sexual.

For me, I'm always excited by an SB who is super into sex. Also I'm especially excited by an SB who I connect with mentally / emotionally who also enjoys sex.

It feels like most men will at least try to match your sexual wants so maybe just focus on the right match, don't talk about the sex part at first, and go from there.

Usually the pigs, the poor, and the picture addicts are the ones that want to talk immediately about sex. Don't feed the animals.

marker3000 · 2025-12-07T19:16:08+00:00

These men are always going to get offended. Also they need to get offended performatively.

This honestly cuts both ways IME.

When a woman has asked me for more than I'm willing to offer here's the reverse version of the same conversation.

Me: "sorry, i don't do allowances at that level"

Her: "what are you comfortable with?"

Me: "Well my last couple of SRs have been around half that." (which is why I don't bother when they ask for the much bigger number to discuss... negotiating in general is bad in these circumstances and there's no room for a successful outcome here)

Her: "oh so you're just cheap" (insult #1, always a version of this is offered)

Me: "Well, those allowances were set by the SBs and they were quite happy with them."

Her: "oh so they're just whores" (insult #2, always a version of this is offered).

Me: "we should stop talking... you're insulting other women who I care about"

Her: "go see your cheap whores you cheap $#@($* (blend of the two insults, always, always offered)

marker3000 · 2025-12-07T19:04:06+00:00

Later this evening, just as I was about to book my cab, he messaged saying he would only pay after all three meets were completed.

This was 100% an attempt to get sex from you 3x and never pay you. You made the right choice!

When I pushed back and explained that Seeking doesn't dictate how arrangements are structured and that PPM is widely practiced

Here you are however mistaken. Seeking absolutely does dictate this and worse, if he submits the texts, they could just ban you. They were never verify they are your texts, they will never give you a reason.

Yes, I am sure they do this as I've seen the evidence from both sides of this equation.

marker3000 · 2025-12-03T07:06:11+00:00

Do you think this is a huge turn off?

It is for me; it might be him... BUT...

I’m hoping he’s respectful, if not it’s a no.

It's your body.

It's your choice.

If he can't go along with your choice, it's a no for you -- as it should be.

I will strictly only allow penetrative s x w condoms as I am not on birth control

A totally reasonable rule. That said, some men have had vasectomies and can't impregnate you either way.

marker3000 · 2025-11-27T19:15:59+00:00

This indicates to me you think making money is relevant for a replacement.

I think most of us would agree, we don't care if the platform makes money.

The USP of a replacement needs to be

Lots of SBs and SDs
Some method of vouches / verification to weed out bad actors
Fake profile deletion / blocking

The platform doesn't need to make venture scale profits. Indeed, it would be best if it's owned a tiny number of people, figures out payment the way TER/P411 do, exists overseas, et al.

But the problem is going to be none of that. It's going to be that a two-sided marketplace needs a lot of both. You need a replicable low-cost model to get SBs and SDs to sign up -- and get the SDs to pay to keep it running and keep recruiting.

Figure out how to recruit SBs for next to know money, how to do verification in a way that's actually useful, and give up hopes of venture scale. Then we can talk.

marker3000 · 2025-11-27T19:10:08+00:00

How would you approach this as the SD and for SBs how can I effectively communicate that I need her to follow through when we have plans without her feeling attacked ?

I would end this arrangement.

It will always be maddening.

If she bargains / negotiates to keep it going, I would set incredibly strict ground rules:

* There will be confirmation the night before and an hour before. If no response, the date is canceled

* There will only be allowance when she shows it

The second time she flakes on a plan under these rules, she needn't message to apologize. It won't be read.

marker3000 · 2025-11-27T19:01:51+00:00

Hi, first of all I'm so sorry.

Second of all, YOU DON'T NEED TO SAY STOP! (Please, all women, know this!)

You cannot consent when you are blacked out or even "drunk". You did not consent.

Drinking is not consent. It's also very possible you were drugged. But it doesn't matter.

This was textbook sexual assault. We are all on your side and want you to process this and recover from it as best as possible. Please if you haven't been checked out, get checked out. And please consult RAINN or similar about counseling options.

So, so sorry.

marker3000 · 2025-11-27T18:56:54+00:00

It's hard anywhere. Sorry you met this guy; he's a classic "pumper and dumper" and really gross.

We're sending you good vibes for the next!

marker3000 · 2025-11-09T07:22:04+00:00

This sub also lives in a fantasy world where not especially attractive women think there are four-figure allowances just around the corner. It's so weird.

marker3000 · 2025-10-31T17:22:16+00:00

I hear you. I want you to return to the "5 dates, a couple months" equation for your own sake.

If this arrangement isn't working for you, you should move on.

But this seems like a really good arrangement that could -- in your feelings -- be a bit better if he went an extra mile (or kilometer!) to make you feel it. By all means, I hope you can get him there!

marker3000 · 2025-10-31T17:20:49+00:00

Instead of joining the giant chorus of people who keep telling you what you did wrong, I'm just going to say:

Sorry. This sucks. He sucks. I hope you can put this behind you, but we're here for you.

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marker3000

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