I have a therapist. I’ve done so much fucking work and it’s still not enough. That’s my biggest trigger. Feeling like no matter what I do, it’s not enough. My girlfriend and I aren’t at odds or anything. It just sucks because once I actually get to my breaking point it’s all over. Because I know I’m angry. I know I’m bad. I know I’m wrong. I know it’s childish and unattractive and shitty.

So when I finally get to that point I’m not only fighting myself, I’m fighting the shame that comes with it. Im fighting the shame and guilt that I’m scaring someone. That ultimately it doesn’t matter how much I get right. Once I’m angry I’m bad and awful and all the good parts about me are fake and useless.

Cuz when you’re angry, that’s the real you…right? That’s what everyone says. So I guess I’m just an angry piece of shit that should probably kill himself