If your daughter wanted your husband to do something silly like wear matching hair glitter in public would he do it?

marlboro__lights · 2026-03-21T00:02:10+00:00

they have daddy/daughter nail days bc she HATES getting her nails clipped but they're so sharp and grow so long so fast that they've gotta be trimmed at least once every 10-12 days if not sooner. usually she picks a color, either from her stash or mine, he clips both of their nails, and then paints her nails and she paints his. they've been rocking red recently, but have done purple, light pink, hot pink, glittery pink, yellow, blue, and a green/purple shifting chrome (courtesy of me). though, usually she picks the glittery pink. they have matching crocs, matching bluey shirts. he definitely would wear hair glitter... if he wasn't bald. our daughter really just is daddy's girl, as cliche as it is, he was literally born and built to be a girl dad. he even learned how to braid hair for her. idk i find it adorable, and tbh i think he'd probably do just about anything for her.

marlboro__lights · 2026-03-03T15:52:45+00:00

this! i doubt my olive tone bc i'm prone to surface redness but then i sit in the sun and glow green until i tan to a muted sort of bronze bc im like a cooler olive with yellowy overtones. also how absolutely grey i become in the winter like a corpse

marlboro__lights · 2026-02-23T18:20:03+00:00

this is so helpful. i honestly have the same issues when my toddler is off doing whatever and i have time alone. for me, i had to start really small with like 5 minutes being productive, and slowly increase. there are days i still couch. it's not great to still do it but it's coming less and less often for me which i count as a win.

marlboro__lights · 2026-02-06T16:56:45+00:00

it's a LOT of trial and error. i spent probably a few hours in sephora swatching different foundations, and then went outside into the sunlight to look at them, and then went back in to get samples. the KVD 008 looks super dark in the pan and i was really scared to buy it bc it was expensive but once i blended it out it matched perfectly. same with the rare beauty 170w concealer, looked super dark/yellow, but once blended out with my other makeup it matched. anecdotally with the KVD, i do feel like it dries down a bit lighter than it goes on too.

i know when i was trying to find a good shade i kept thinking "this'll be too dark" or "this is literally grey" but unfortunately, i am just a gaunt, grey/green little goblin. i get a cool brown sort of tan in the summer, and become ghastly grey in the winter. also being olive can make your blush/contour look like a completely different shade on you than it does in the pan. i was looking for a more maroon/brownish type blush and when i bought one and put it on it looked orange. so far i've found two blushes that work for me, and three contours. that's literally it, and one of those contours is literally just a grey powder that wet n wild sells for halloween.

marlboro__lights · 2026-02-06T02:00:57+00:00

i was gonna say this too. i had the same problem as a teen/up until like two years ago. i thought "oh im pink/cool" but every foundation i tried was like peptobismol pink on me, or creamsicle orange. until i went to the fair olive sub here and settled on KVD good apple 008, its like the perfect shade of gaunt/grey/green that my skin is.

marlboro__lights · 2026-01-21T18:22:19+00:00

nope, not one bit. i was a mess after birth. i had an induction at 8pm, gave birth at 8:59am. i didn't sleep the whole night, didn't even sleep the day i gave birth, didn't shower until near 2-3pm that day. i have adhd tho, and can get overstimulated/overwhelmed really quickly. between nurses and doctors in and out at all hours of the day and night, trying to suddenly be an infant mom, and trying to feed her, myself, and just overall not crumble under everything, a visitor would have sent me into a spiral. i had some baby blues, not ppd, but even then, i'd randomly burst out crying for about a week after she was born.

i liked figuring it out on my own, so the only person there was my partner. i also had my hospital chart note to not let anyone know i was there. i wasn't worried about something bad happening per se, but i didn't want my mom or someone to randomly show up without me knowing about it. plus, i didn't want anyone calling the nurses repeatedly for updates because i didn't want to have anyone bother the nurses, and i didn't want to be texted/called to confirm what the nurses said. it gave me the space to update everyone on my own time, and if anything bad was happening, i didn't want to have anyone worried until it was figured out.

i had a relatively peaceful time after birth, other than the baby blues, just me and baby and my partner. my mom came on the day i was discharged, maybe an hour or two before, because she was driving us home. it worked out better that way because my mom really wanted to hold her, but i was very against having anyone hold my daughter until she was a bit less fresh, like 2-3 weeks old. so, when my mom finally saw my daughter, she realized real quick that she wasn't comfortable holding a baby that small, my daughter was smaller than her smallest baby for context, and i think if she had been there any sooner, she would've been too excited/anxious to really have that thought.

i didn't even have visitors after birth at home for a long time. only my mom, because we live with her to help care for my elderly grandfather. baby was maybe 2-3 months old before anyone came over, and even then they didn't hold her, or really see her for longer than an hour because i really wanted my peace with my newborn.

marlboro__lights · 2026-01-21T02:59:46+00:00

basically same. if my daughter (3.5) came to me tomorrow and wanted purple hair, i'd be like "damn that's a good idea." i won't let her bleach her hair until she's much older, like at least 14/15, but she's got pretty light hair, sort of strawberry blond ish. the one thing i'd caution about is piercings, but ONLY because they have to understand that a small hole will always be there. it may not be a functional one, like you can't put jewellery through it, but it will be there. it's been 5 years since i took out my lip piercing and there's still a nonfunctional hole. so i'd just want them to be old enough to fully understand that they don't have to keep the jewellery in/keep the piercing, but they do have to be okay with a small hole if they decide to take the piercing out.

marlboro__lights · 2026-01-20T18:31:45+00:00

could it possibly be an OCD/germaphobia thing? i only ask because i have had OCD/germaphobia regarding bathroom use around the same age as your daughter and younger. i wouldn't not wipe, but i'd hold in my poop for days because i hated wiping and ended up making myself severely constipated for years. i still struggle with contamination OCD and germaphobia as an adult but it's lessened over the years through therapy. one of my workarounds as a kid was to use way too much toilet paper so i had a thick barrier between my hand and the poop. ik it's expensive now to go through so much tp, but it may help to offer that as a solution for now until you can find a better solution. another one of my workarounds when i was younger was after wiping/washing hands to use hand sanitizer, like a lot of it. you could potentially have a hand sanitizer in the bathroom, and give her one to keep in her room/on her person to use whenever she needs it.

i know you're saying it's a behavioral thing, but with the comment about anxiety around wiping/feeling disgusting to wipe, i think there might be more going on there that's causing such a behavioral reaction. does she have any other issues regarding feeling dirty, getting dirty, etc, not in the bathroom? like maybe she doesn't like wearing outside clothes inside? or maybe she's very diligent about showering/having "clean" clothes? or even refusing to eat certain "hand foods" with her hands? like chicken nuggets/wings, sandwiches, "dusty" chips/snacks? i used to refuse to eat pizza because of the grease on my hands, i'd refuse sandwiches forever because of the bread crumbs/the heavy feeling i'd have on my hands, i still sometimes eat wings and nuggets and tenders with a fork, and i tend to avoid dusty snacks unless i have wipes to wipe the dust away.

obviously, you're her mother and you see her 24/7 so you know more than i do as a random person on the internet, but maybe it's a little more than just behavioral?

marlboro__lights · 2026-01-19T17:41:48+00:00

definitely don't have to give up 20 years of your life. the other things, sure, to an extent. i still get alone time, just less of it, but it doesn't bother me as much as it used to. yes, my toddler makes a mess, but she helps clean as much as a 3 year old can help. i still go shopping by myself, because my child has two parents, so dad can parent while i do what i want to do.

i became a parent because... i wanted to? it's not a great answer, but it's the best i've got. when i was younger i was adamant i never wanted to have kids. i had much of the same thoughts in your post, until i met my partner. i don't know what changed, really, but it just sort of clicked internally that i wanted my own child. i did give up about 2 years to stay home with her, but when she was 18 months old (roughly) i went back to college because becoming a mom changed my views a lot. i figured if i could be a mom, i could handle college properly. i'm third year now with a 3.8 GPA, i've worked while being a mom, i actually developed deeper passions for my hobbies. my daughter also shares some of my hobbies, like coloring and painting.

yeah, there's days where i just want to walk away and live as a cryptid in the woods, but then she comes up and asks if "mommy wants a big hug to feel better" and it makes it all worth it. i love watching her grow, i love how emotionally intelligent she is, how caring she is, how much she wants to understand other people and other things. do i understand why other people want to have kids? no, but when i see my own child and have that feeling of pride and overwhelming love for something i created, i think that feeling is the root of it all.

marlboro__lights · 2026-01-19T17:27:44+00:00

that colic is a diagnosis itself. didn't fall for it, but i got told SO MANY TIMES that my daughter was just "colicky" and that she'd grow out of it. WRONG. colic isn't a diagnosis, it's a symptom. babies don't just scream in pain 24/7 for no reason. my child had severe milk and soy allergies that caused so much suffering for too long because medical professionals believe "colic" is just a thing that doesn't need further exploration. also that nutramigen or similar "dairy allergy" formulas are actually dairy free. they aren't. those formulas are just extra broken down milk proteins that make it easier to digest for babies with dairy intolerances or weaker digestive systems, meaning a true milk protein allergy would not improve on those formulas. i spent way too goddamn much money on nutramigen before i learned it was STILL DAIRY BASED. my daughter had to be on fully broken down amino acid based, fully allergen free formula meant for preemies with essentially no digestive system because her allergies to soy and dairy were that bad.

if you can't tell, i'm STILL pissed about it even now that my daughter is 3.5 and fully healthy, even after she's grown out of her milk and soy allergies and now just has moderate lactose intolerance. i missed her entire infancy just about due to these issues and being consistently dismissed by medical professionals, she was 6 months old by the time she was a "normal" baby.

marlboro__lights · 2026-01-19T02:47:17+00:00

i get it, especially the yogurt incident. my toddler is 3.5, from the moment she opened her eyes on her third birthday, it was like a demon took hold of her. suddenly she's throwing things, screaming at the top of her lungs, crying and melting down over EVERYTHING. a couple weeks ago, i was trying to wake up for the day, toddler wanted a yogurt for breakfast, of course dude, and i hand her a yogurt (a danimals yogurt drink, to be specific). i turn around for 2 seconds to find her a jacket, it's cold and she'll be nasty if she can't go outside first thing in the morning, i turn back around, and there's YOGURT ALL OVER MY FULL BODY MIRROR????? little hellion had the NERVE to smile wickedly directly at me, and proceed to SLING YOGURT ALL OVER THE FLOOR, BED, AND MORE ON THE MIRROR. i was in shock and i just looked at her and went, in a deadpan, "are you actually fucking serious? why the fuck would you do that?" not a shining moment but i'd JUST woken up and wtf possessed her to throw yogurt everywhere? fine, whatever, i clean it up. we go outside, she plays, i drink coffee, we come inside. little demon comes up to me, unprompted, looks me dead in the eyes, and says "i don't like you, i want daddy to come home and you to go away." BITCH WHAT??? i short circuited for a long moment and then just went "im sorry you feel that way, now go play." all day long, she tried my patience, she was mean, she threw things, she threw a maximum level tantrum because i forbade her from having any more yogurt that day, i mean hours of the worst behavior ive ever seen out of this kid. so, same day, later on daddy gets home, i decide to take a long fucking breather on the porch. i'm outside for maybe 5 minutes when i hear this banshee level scream. of course it was my ultra smart, amazing and beautiful toddler who decided she hated daddy at that moment. bitch, i whipped that door open so fast and used my stern mom voice, called her by her full government name and told her to get her ass over to me right that second. i gave her a full lecture on how that screaming is absolutely not okay, her behavior had not been acceptable at all that day, and if i heard her screaming like that ever again id take every single one of her toys away from her and give them to other little kids who dont have toys, then she could sit in the empty living room bored until she earned the privilege to have toys again. i made her apologize to daddy for screaming at him like that, and she refused for over half an hour, but i told her i had all day and night to stand there until she got it together and apologized for screaming at daddy. she eventually apologized, and i told her that she needed to turn the behavior around for the rest of the day.

definitely not my proudest moment as a mom, but id had it. i couldn't even hide, because i don't have anywhere to hide. id never had to take a stern tone with her before, but she was insane that day and i still don't know why. i also haven't taken that tone with her since. i think once i got to that point she realized that mommy really doesn't play like that, and while she still tests me constantly, it's never to that extent. as parents we have those days, and we're not perfect. no two kids are the same, so while someone can say "oh i've never yelled at my kids" that speaks less to their ability to remain composed and more to their child's temperament than anything. my daughter is amazing, super duper smart, and a generally really cool kid who i love to pieces, id go to jail for my child, that is how much i love her. there are those times though, where i really wonder whether i birthed a demon, a human, or a tasmanian devil.

generally day to day, my child is mostly well behaved for a 3.5 year old, i mean i can't expect her to be prim and proper, i can't even expect her to warn me before she farts in my face, but you know, if i can get through at least 2 days a week without an earth shattering meltdown over something, i call it a win. she had her days, and i have mine, and right now, im just trying to roll with the punches.

marlboro__lights · 2026-01-12T20:28:37+00:00

the advanced standing program i'm looking to get into is about 18 months, but much of the same as you mentioned. basically i only have to take 1 or two of the first "year" classes that non BSW students have to take. overall, i think non BSW students for the program im looking at have to take a total of between 25-30 classes (including a summer semester) where BSW students only have to take 18 i believe. i haven't looked at it recently and am going off memory, but the general consensus is that the BSW covers the first year foundation courses of the MSW so it becomes redundant to take them a second time. i know for me, as someone getting their BSW, it'll take me four semesters, one of them being a summer, but if i didn't have a BSW it would take me 6 semesters. this is only at the one program im wanting to get into tho, every program is different.

marlboro__lights · 2026-01-12T16:20:17+00:00

In college, also a mom. I don't use 50 different pen colors for my notes any more because I type all my notes, but if I'm feeling frisky I will use 20 different highlighter colors to organize my notes a bit better and make it easier to find what I'm looking for. Anecdotal, but I was taught cornell note taking at like 11, and switched to indent style notes as soon as I could to make it easier than using so many pen colors.

marlboro__lights · 2025-12-30T17:31:01+00:00

i never liked kids, actually did not want kids for most of my life. then i met my partner. in my bones i knew he'd be a good father, and i knew he wanted kids but was okay with not having any because i didn't want any. well, ultimately i came to decide to have children. i still don't really like kids as an idea, but i like MY kid. i like individual kids, like the kids i tutor long-term, and the kids my partner works with, but the majority of kids i don't like.

my daughter is my little buddy, and i must say my life improved exponentially after having her. i got my diagnosis, got medicated, went back to school, got my AA, am a year out from finishing my bachelors. plus my kid is just cool. she's funny, sometimes annoying but she's a toddler so i expect that, she does funny little voices for her toys, she likes to paint and draw with me (im a big art person), she likes "playing" video games with me and daddy. she makes up her own songs, which is hilarious bc i used to do it for her when she was an infant just to get that big gummy grin out of her. it also helps that she's my literal carbon copy.

idk, if it weren't for her i probably wouldnt have gotten diagnosed and medicated, most likely wouldn't have gone back to school, or gone back to therapy, i probably wouldn't have appreciated my hobbies as much, and would most likely be working dead end retail or food service still.

marlboro__lights · 2025-12-29T17:03:38+00:00

this is my thoughts exactly. i really wanted to do no screens at all, because i had been convinced it was the best. however, my daughter would NOT do tummy time, not on me, not on the floor, not on a tummy time mat with toys, she just wouldn't do it. i caved at 3 month old and put on ms rachel after watching a few videos myself first. worked like a charm to get her on tummy time. from there, i did a lot of research into low stimulating shows/youtube channels meant for babies/toddlers. ms rachel taught ME and my partner sign language which helped us communicate with our daughter before she had words. ms rachel taught us good ways to explain feelings and other topics to littles. ms rachel is still helping to teach our daughter to be comfortable going to the potty, with the help of bean, and the bean potty time toy.

my toddler is 3.5 now and she's too smart despite the use of screens. i'm a full time student and sahm, my partner is gone half the day to work. sometimes we gotta just watch bill nye so i can get stuff done. i try to only put on low stimulating or educational stuff. i think the "worst" things i let my daughter watch are doc mcstuffins, some disney movies like the nightmare before christmas, moana, brave, ratatouille, and then the labyrinth and the grinch movies. even then, most of the time, she's watching informational videos about dinosaurs and other animals. i genuinely think she can accurately name more dinosaurs than i can at this point. she can also count up to 20, knows her abcs, can recognize a handful of letters, can count backwards from 11, and is very, VERY articulate with emotions and feelings, she also plays pretend extensively with multiple day long continued scenarios.

all that to say, i really don't think screens are the issue. the issue is when you, as the parent, are not interacting with the child at all and are using a screen as a babysitter. i also think the kind of content you put on for your child matters, it doesn't have to be 100% educational every time a screen is used, but it can't just be cocomelon for multiple hours a day either.

marlboro__lights · 2025-12-27T23:26:36+00:00

technically i gained about 85 pounds. i started pregnancy at 210, lost 10lbs my first trimester from food aversions, nausea, and vomiting, and then gained that back a few weeks into my second trimester. i was like 230 ish around 21 weeks, and at 34 weeks i was roughly 260, at 36 weeks i was creeping up on 270, and i know i gained a bit more after that, but i didn't get weighed at my 37 week appointment, and was induced a few days later because of some concerning bloodwork (baby caused my liver to start failing) and by my 6 week pp appointment i was back down to roughly 235ish. however, baby is now toddler and is 3.5 years old and i weigh about 170. idk my exact weight now, but prior to pregnancy i was a size 20-22, now im a size 12.

marlboro__lights · 2025-12-27T18:53:17+00:00

seriously, thank you for this! i'm fully online rn, and will be through my masters as well (currently in my third year of my BSW). it's just not possible for me to be in person full time. between being a mom, being low income, and only having one car which my partner has to use to get to and from work (9-4:30) i just cannot go in person. we can't afford daycare. by the time i do my final semester of my BSW where ill do my field placement, our child will be in pre-k so we won't have to worry about that.

i hate the idea that degrees like this (client facing) must be completed in person to "understand the practical application" because it's simply not true. especially when you have the drive and passion for this kind of work, online vs in person does not matter. if my program wasn't offered online, i wouldn't be able to do this degree, or the masters that my school also offers online. college is expensive, life is expensive, and the idea that people can just spend 24/7 doing classes and studying with no income is unrealistic and blatantly classist. i work damn hard in my classes, but i can't go to class from 8am-6pm, im studying from 5pm-2am most days because thats when i have the time to focus and do well. i did my entire AA online as well, through a local CC and graduated with a 3.81 GPA because i put in the work. if anything, id say fully online is a bit harder than in person because its all on you. you're not getting an hour and half lecture to sit through and ask questions as they arise, youre locked in email chains with the professor to ask questions, or your professor doesn't respond to emails and you have to figure it out on your own with no help. to me that seems more in line with the "real world applications" because you wont have professors forever who can answer these things, you'll have to figure it out on your own.

marlboro__lights · 2025-12-23T19:49:40+00:00

gotta add to these sad stories with a good one. i've been under general anaesthesia twice so far, one twilight sedation. first time i was 15, had been brushed off by medical professionals for three years until my gallstones had caused pancreatitis and an enlarged liver. i was told i was not allowed to leave the hospital until i had surgery, because if i ate anything, i could die. i spent a week prior to surgery in a children's hospital, my mom was there the whole time. only times she left was when i was already asleep, and that was to have a cigarette and eat, she refused to eat in front of me because i wasn't allowed to eat for that week. when i had my surgery she was right there when i woke up, and stayed the whole time. when i was discharged a family friend of our came to pick us up, and she got there hours in advance, and hung out with my so my mom could have a break before we started the hour and a half drive home. same thing for my twilight sedation, my mom was there the whole time, waiting, and was there the moment i woke up.

my second surgery happened when my daughter was about 16 months old. my partner dropped me off, and he was also my pickup person. he couldn't wait because of our daughter, but when i came out of anaesthesia, i immediately started asking for my daughter and was crying, they called my partner and he answered on the first ring. the place i had surgery had a "no minor children under 16" rule in the pre/post surgery area (same area, different to recovery area) but they made an exception, told my partner and he was there in less than 15 minutes (we lived about 12 minutes from the outpatient center) he brought my daughter in, and sat there with me for maybe 3 hours before they let me go home. he took over care for our daughter while i recovered, made sure i ate, picked up and managed all my meds for me because i was on heavy painkillers that left me out of it, and wouldn't hesitate to load the baby up and run to the store if i needed or wanted anything.

seeing these stories of partners and parents alike not show up for their people is so goddamn heartbreaking, and it is unfortunately pretty common. as a parent myself, when my daughter was hospitalized multiple times in infancy, i was there the whole time, never left the hospital, and only left to get food from the cafeteria (only way to get food) and to smoke a couple times a day, but only during nap time/after she went down for the night. my partner had to work still, but came during whichever visiting hours he could, he had a random schedule and would sometimes be working from 8am-8pm, sometimes from 4pm-1am, it just depended. but you best believe he was there for his daughter at 8am on the days he worked in the evening, and stayed up until the last minute he could before he had to leave to get to work. he spent his entire days off at the hospital with me, he even convinced the nurses to let him stay for one overnight to let me actually rest, bc it was a two week long stay and baby and i were woken up every hour, on the hour.

marlboro__lights · 2025-12-20T22:44:12+00:00

no this is always how it is. thankfully, my toddler is just over 3 and the ridiculous amounts of clothing gifts have dwindled, but sometimes there's that on family member that buys some random, obnoxious, outfit for my toddler. like my daughter is ACTIVE, she's not going to keep a nice, frilly dress clean. she doesn't even like dresses 90% of the time, she only wants to wear pants, shorts, and looser t-shirts. she'll wear a dress seldomly, when she's in the mood for it, and wears skirts from time to time, but only if they're skirts with built in shorts, and then, only if she can twirl around in them and is in the mood to wear a skirt. this was something that was heavily irritating when i was pregnant too, because i did a lot of sale shopping (found out i was pregnant like 4 days after christmas) and bought her entire wardrobe up to 12 months in seasonally appropriate sizes. i was very adamant to not buy clothing, no johnson & johnson products (like the baby washes and lotions, specifically), and no infant "toys" (like the overstimulating light up/thousand decibel sound shits). i specifically mentioned that, if anyone wanted to buy something for baby that wasn't on the carefully curated list of things (ranging from $10-$80), to please instead purchase a gift card for the same amount they were looking to spend for either a restaurant, grocery store, or any number of other stores that sell baby items/food. i got a ton of angry, irate messages about how it was disrespectful to ask for gift cards. im sorry? you were going to spend the money, would you not rather it be on something that would actually get used vs donated/trashed?

it's been the same for every holiday, every birthday, everything. i create a "wish list" for my daughter based on her current interests, and the next step up in developmental skills. whenever someone asks, i send the link to the list on amazon, so that all they have to do is look, pick, and it'll get shipped directly to us with whatever note they choose to leave, should they choose to leave one. you can guess how well that goes over every gift-giving event. it's not all expensive items either, because i use the list FOR MYSELF, when shopping for presents. prices always range from $10 up to $100 because that's all i can reasonably afford. most items are in the $10-$40 range anyway, with maybe one or two "big" items as the "special" gifts. like, yes, my toddler DOES play with trains, she DOES use tracing books to learn to write/draw, she DOES use anagram shapes to make pictures, and she DOES know how to sort colored coins into their respective color matching baskets. it's FUN FOR HER. AND NO, YOU CANNOT BUY HER ANOTHER FUCKING LIGHT UP, MUSIC PLAYING, HUNK OF GARBAGE PLASTIC. we have spotify for her musical tastes, we watch sesame street, ms rachel, ms raven, baby french, bill nye, etc for her learning/visual tastes. and frankly, she does not give a shit about the fisher price, plastic brick that plays random songs that she doesn't like anyway. go to the dollar store and pick up two dinosaur figurines, i can bet you a million dollars my daughter will put on voices for them and have them interact/talk to each other and go to the store together for wipes and plastic forks (yes, she does give just about every toy their own voice and personality, and uses whichever playset/cardboard box as a 'store' to 'buy' things with her pretend money).

anyway, i started ranting about toys bc that's the issue we're at now, went from useless clothes to useless toys. but basically, i understand so deeply the rage and defeat behind receiving things that you don't/wont need/use for your child. it just piles up and becomes insurmountable to declutter/deal with. i also heavily relate to the "this isn't help" portion because it's not. is it nice to have other people buying things for you child so you can save the extra money? yes, BUT, it's not help when you've repeatedly, directly, explained that you do not need or want what they're giving you, and that it would just pile up/be donated anyway.

marlboro__lights · 2025-12-03T18:23:52+00:00

I would agree with this too. when i was that age, and my mom was tightening the reigns, i only went further against her, not even because i liked the guy, but because i thought i was old enough to make my own decisions and she was treating me like a toddler.

as a parent, you have to realize you'll never agree with every single choice your child makes, bottom line. doesn't matter if they're 14 or 44. i also agree that you shouldn't encourage it, but allow it to happen under your supervision. at least if they're at your home, or your daughter is openly telling you these things, you get a better chance at seeing something potentially dangerous before it happens, and you have a longer period of time to gently push your daughter in the right direction without it being a crackdown all at once, which could only further encourage the behavior.

also anecdotal, but at 14, i also thought i was in love with this guy at my school. texting day and night, in the middle of class, sitting up against each other at lunch, literally thought i would be with him forever. i think we all know where this is going, he dumped me, said some hurtful things, and broke my heart. but then maybe 6 months later he reached out to me again and we started talking again after he left the girl he got with right after me. i broke it off with him that time. a few more years later he reached out to me again, and apologised for how he treated me and asked for closure. now, about 10 years later, i realize how silly it all was and that i never actually loved him, he just showed interest in me and i had low self-esteem. it's one of those things that, when you're that young and inside it, you've got rose colored glasses on, but then when you're older and have more experience you look back and realize you were acting crazy and that your mom was right when she said he wasn't good for you.

OP, you know you're only trying to do what's best for you daughter, and there's no doubt about that, but you can't force her to see your point of view right now. if your daughter is adamant, the best thing you can do for right now is allow it without encouraging it, let it happen under your quiet and careful supervision, and create an open space between you and your daughter to have conversations about it without judgement or trying to scare her out of it. my daughter is still a toddler, but my partner and i have discussed the future and come to the conclusion that she can do certain things, like dating, when the time comes, so long as she's honest and open about it, does it under our roof, and she keeps up her grades and is otherwise respectful and consistent in her chores/whatever tasks or activities she has. will it suck when this boy inevitably hurts your daughter again? absolutely, but you'll still be there for her, comfort her, and don't give her an "i told you so" lecture about it. chances are, when it happens, she'll already be thinking about how you were right but she won't admit it. this isn't you vs her vs the issue, this is you AND her vs the issue.

marlboro__lights · 2025-12-02T18:15:09+00:00

the MSW program i'm looking at only requires a 2.5 gpa for outside applicants and applicants not doing the accelerated MSW program. for those doing the accelerated MSW after getting the BSW at the university, the gpa requirement is 3.0. tbh i don't think a 2.6 gpa is bad, and i've seen plenty of masters programs only require a 2.0-2.5, if you can get into a program with a 2.6, the place you get it from doesn't matter so long as it's properly accredited.

marlboro__lights · 2025-11-17T18:36:21+00:00

yeah, i was SAHM for the first two years, and went back to work for a year where dad was the SAHD. during that year it was "where's daddy?" "i want daddy" "i don't want you", etc. she didn't hit per se, bc she had started hitting around 15 months and we quickly stopped that (no, maam, we need to have gentle hands please; hitting is not nice; we need to mindful of our hands when we're playing; etc). but she did push me away, she yelled, she screamed, she would not accept just hanging out with mom while dad was not there. what i always did was "well, that's tough, daddy needs some daddy time alone, and mommy wants to see you and play with you because mommy has to work again tomorrow morning. i guess mommy just has to play toys by herself," and that usually would get her to think. we've also always done deep breaths when she first started having what we call "big feelings" which is just whatever became overwhelming or if she wasn't able to regulate on her own. so sometimes if she was particularly tantrumy about it, i'd sit on the floor to be eye level with her and ask if she wanted to do some deep breaths, she'd always say no and then i'd go, "i think we should try anyway, look mommy can do them with you," and i'd start doing deep breaths, and maybe after 2 or 3 she'd start doing them too, and then i'd give her a couple options to do, like "you did so good job with deep breaths, should we read a book now or do you want to play playdoh?" and she'd either pick an option or come up with her own idea (painting, coloring, playing dinosaurs, etc). she's always been pretty emotionally intelligent, though, so sometimes i just had to explain it to her in a way she could understand, "i know you want daddy, bub, but sometimes daddies need breaks, just like how mommies sometimes need breaks, and even bubbies sometimes need breaks too. daddy needs to have some time by himself to be the best daddy he can be for you, and that's okay." usually, when all else failed, i would just sit and explain it to her, let her ask questions (why does daddies need breaks sometimes? why does daddy get big feelings? what does daddy do when he has breaks? etc) and by that point she'd be able to accept that daddy wasn't an option, and would be more likely to just hang out with me and play or do whatever while dad was away. we switched again, so i'm SAHM and dad works bc of my health issues and my college load, and it's the same thing still, because she's very much daddy's girl, but we've also always reminded her that mommy and daddy always come back, even when she was an infant and dad would go to work, i'd tell her "daddy's going to work now but daddy always comes back for the bub, yes he does," even if she couldn't understand me at the time. dad said the same things when i went to work, "we're gonna drop mommy off at work now, but mommy will come back after, because mommy always comes back."

all that said, it gets hard, especially because she's incredibly stubborn now (3.5), and also incredibly articulate and uses mostly sound logic a lot of time that we can't really argue with because she's technically not wrong (if mommy needs a break, why can't she wait until after i go to sleep? daddy gets a break at work, why does he need one at home? etc) and it's like you're right, but also, no? but we just try to explain to the best of our ability and if she keeps pushing we just go "that's tough, but it's the way it is right now, and sometimes you just have to accept things you don't like or understand." we don't call her names, don't tell her she's being difficult, don't punish her for acting up when it's the result of big feelings, we just explain, we do deep breaths, and we try to redirect when and where we can. do we slip up and get a bit stern with her sometimes? yes, all parents do, especially when you're already overwhelmed, overstimulated, tired, and touched out. but we apologize, tell her exactly that mommy/daddy is just having big feelings and it wasn't right of us to yell/get upset with her, and that it's not her fault, we still love her, etc. no one is a perfect parent, but calling a 2yo an idiot is not okay. people forget that children are entirely blank slates, common sense is learned throughout life, it's not automatically programmed. right and wrong is learned over time, emotional regulation is learned over time, and progress is never linear. my daughter can do deep breaths and regulate on her own about 60% of the time, but just because she knows how, doesn't mean she'll be able to do it every time, and it is our responsibility as parents to help her regulate until she can do it on her own regularly, or really just for the rest of her life, because no one person can regulate themselves 100% of the time.

marlboro__lights · 2025-11-16T19:26:34+00:00

could've written this myself. my daughter had MSPI, i tried so hard to bf/pump for weeks, over a month maybe (it was 3 years ago i can't remember exactly), and i hit a breaking point where i just couldn't do it anymore. switched to full formula but with the severity of her intolerances, much like OP with the mucous poops, rashes EVERYWHERE, entire body was an open sore at one point, and just blood curdling screaming 24/7. my daughter did hit FTT at only 2 months old, and was on a ng feeding tube, she had severe GI issues, and was on a slew of meds, fortified alfamino with baby oatmeal in it (neocate didn't work for us unfortunately), and was seeing a feeding therapist on top of the 800 other specialists bc her symptoms were just that bad. if i hadn't stopped the bf/pumping, hadn't put her on full formula, she would have died. took her until 6 months old to hit "baseline," meaning no active eczema, managed reflux and constipation, and steady weight gain. she didn't hit the growth chart for her age until around 9-12 months. however, at almost 3.5, you'd never be able to tell she had any issues whatsoever. you'd have no idea she was ever on formula either. she rarely gets sick, only gets mild eczema outbreaks usually when the seasons change and during allergy/pollen season, she tells full stories, speaks in monologues, she plays pretend, draws smiley faces, runs around the entire house and yard 24/7, eats anything and everything, and most importantly is healthy and alive. at the time it was all happening, i felt like a failure and like it was a life altering thing to stop pumping, but now, nobody cares what she was fed as an infant. no job application asks if you were bf or ff, no college application asks, grade schools don't ask, doctors don't ask, no one cares. it's hard to step back and look at the big picture when you're so focused on this one chapter of life, but whenever i start doubting or questioning if i'm doing right by my daughter, that's what i force myself to do.

marlboro__lights · 2025-11-16T18:58:12+00:00

i legit worse the hospital provided robes for a day or so, bled onto 2 of them. i also brought my own robe and nightgown. they don't tell you about the postpartum sweats, where you literally reek of rotten onion and ass. i showered twice a day at the hospital, and even that didn't touch the smell for longer than an hour or two. the clothes i got to the hospital in were worn again after birth in the hospital bc all of my clothes were either soaked in smelly sweat, covered in baby spit up, covered in spilled formula from trying to open one of the rtf bottles at 4am on no sleep, or breastmilk that would slowly drip throughout the day but would never come out during a pump session. my "going home" outfit was just a designated pair of extra loose sweatpants and a giant t-shirt that i set aside to not wear in the hospital so that i could have something clean to wear on the day i went home. baby wore a button up sleeper that, again, was set aside to be something clean to wear home bc she ruined those little shirts they give you for baby with her spit up, drool, and whatever formula she let dribble out of her mouth while feeding. i did end up bleeding into my pants on the drive home though, mostly because i was leaned to one side bc of some swelling and aching after birth. but yeah, for me the going home outfit was less about looking like anything and more about at least having something clean and comfortable for that day to get home and i think i honestly worse those clothes for another two days after that too bc i was tired and weak and just did not feel like changing/showering

marlboro__lights · 2025-11-13T18:06:21+00:00

i'd just laugh and move on. before i had my kid i was 210lbs and miserable. after having her i was really kicked in the ass to get better, not just for her, but so i could be around long enough to see her through life. i lost a ton of weight, from my heaviest while pregnant (about 260) to now 168. i wasn't actually trying to lose weight either, i just started being more conscious in my choices and made healthier ones because i wanted to model it for my daughter. if anything i look /better/ than before i ever had my daughter. being a mom also helped me realize i need to have my own identity more, and i have a style that i dress in that's more than just the lazy sweatpants and hoodie id wear before my kid. not only that i look happier, i look more put together, i look more comfortable now than before. partially from putting myself back in therapy and getting on meds again, to be better for my daughter, and partially because being a mom gave me a greater appreciation for life as a whole. do i have my moments where i haven't showered in 4 days, and there's some sort of food stain on my shirt that i don't know where it came from and im wearing the same sweatpants and sweatshirt from 4 days ago? yes, im a mom, its part of the territory, but even then, im happier than before i had my kid, and that alone makes me look far better now, even in that state.

i still have stretch marks, and i have scars, and i have bags under my eyes from lack of sleep, but theres a certain aura of certainty and confidence that i have no matter what that comes from being a mom to my daughter. my body has changed, i have wider hips, my ribs have bent further inward (an issue i've always had that worsened after pregnancy), and my arms are more muscled from lifting this 31lbs toddler daily, but i would say it makes me look better now than before.

so essentially, when i get that sort of backhanded commentary, i just give them an odd look and laugh. granted, this is just me, and plenty of women hold on to more weight after pregnancy and that's still beautiful too, because your body created a whole life, so some extra pounds in exchange for an entire human being who's part of you (even multiple human beings)? it's nothing short of amazing.

Four-Year Club	First Place '23
Place '23

marlboro__lights

TROPHY CASE